Are these questions wrong to ask my boyfriend...?

Question

My boyfriend tries to help me build my self-esteem. I think maybe asking him these questions would help clarify some things. Are these questions out of line for a couple of 2 years.

What he is planning on doing with his life. Where does he want to live, what does he want to do ect?

What does he want out of our relationship?

What does he want from me?

How does he want me to be, what does he want me to do?

Is he willing to help me become "Me" again?

What are things that he wants to do in life? What do I stop him from doing?

I know this is so selfish,would it help for him to point out the good in me, list what he thinks makes me such a great person, why he loves me so much. I can't see it, don't know how;

It would mean so much to me if he answered those questions. How do I approach him to answer them?

Additional Details

Thank you soooo much! TheWhistles and Sammy! Your answers are both encouraging. Would it help if I told him I would answer the same questions too! Because I would love for him to know! :)

Answer 1

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker

I think this is a really great question AND a really great list of questions for your boyfriend. I'm not psychiatrist, but I can't think of a more straightforward or polite way to say any of those questions. I honestly think that it is perfectly fair to ask these questions to a boyfriend/girlfriend of any amount of time because they are things that need answering. Since your boyfriend helps you build your self esteem, I'm guessing that he must be at least a little bit sensitive to your needs and willing to listen to what you have to say. The best way to bring it up to him would be to tell him that you would like to talk, and that you're not trying to offend him or attack him in any way, but you would like to ask him some questions and would really appreciate if he could answer them honestly. I don't think anyone could refuse to do that because it would be unreasonable, and frankly, stupid.
Reading your questions amazed me because I could tell instantly how much thought you've put into this and how important it is to you, unlike most people on this website. I hope everything goes well with you and your boyfriend, and you shouldn't have to be afraid or nervous to ask him about anything at all.

Asker's Rating:

Asker's Comment:

Thanks! Very helpful and encouraging

Answer 2

Those are very stressful questions, especially if put on the spot. He may be more concentrated on enjoying the here and now with you than spending time worring about an unpredictable future. Everything will work out if you let it.

Answer 3

u have to ask him in an intimate moment that way he feels comfortable enough...and there's nothing wrong with asking those questions, im surprised you didn't ask him sooner..it's important to know where a relationship is heading..

Answer 4

well..if this were me i wouldnt really have a problem asking them because im known to be full of quesions that are sometimes blunt, weird and/or unsettling.
if you arent like this then i suggest thatyou just wait for a time that it feels right to ask. you could just be on the phone...theres a silence..youjust finished on a topic...and you can be like, "hey, can i ask you something?" then ask one of those questions. if he seems closed about answering then you might want to not proceed. but if hes chill with it then keep going into them. its not selfish. these are important things to know.

Answer 5

idk...obviously if u like him,and vice-versa u wouldnt wanna ask kstions...if u do, then u'll make him think over ur relationship...he will kstion ur relationship...but if u still wanna no why dont u just ask him one kstion at a time while ur havin fun...like say one kstion once a week so that he doesnt catch where ur comin' to..! Let me no if i helped..i'll be happy to no how it goes. allez merci.

Answer 6

Just the first one, cuz if you ask him so many, youll get stressed thinking about them, you dont really need to ask wat he want out of you, He fell in love with you in the first place, cuz you were YOU!

Answer 7

yeah those are good and important questions to ask so do it

Answer 8

I think those are all important questions to ask, but maybe not all at once since it might overwhelm him. 2 years is a pretty long time and if you guys are serious enough, talking about the future shouldn't scare him. Just be easy on him...guys surprisingly don't like to talk about their feelings or thoughts as much as us girls do! lol:)

Answer 9

hmm..it's not wrong actually..but just don't come up with all the Qs..! idk but my guy friend did told me that he was quite annoyed when his gf asked him "y do u luv me?' , 'do u really find me good?' etc so many times.. he luv her but all that stuff was turning him off.

but tell him that u're working on it (building ur self -esteem) 2 and it might be taking some time. anyway,all the best..!!

Answer 10

just ask honestly they arent out of line there the types of things i ask a couple of months in just change things to get into one of those convosations then just ask him.....

Answer 11

Those questions are just fine. Its great to have your boyfriend helping you to build self-esteem, but you need to learn on your own how to build your own self-esteem. And I'm not jinxing it, but what if one day he's gone and you have no one to turn to when you're down on self-esteem, then what. Girl, you just ask him. Just say it, it's not like he's not going to answer you. Nothing wrong with asking questions

Answer 12

=]
i asked my boyfriend many of the questions you listed above.
if he's an understanding and generally patient guy, you should be able to explain that you just want some stuff clarified..
also, seeing that you guys have been a couple for two years, i think there should already be a firm foundation of care and love.
And, i don't think you're being selfish..
maybe you should ask these questions in random times, and casually.. as if you're just wondering.. if it's hard to ask such serious questions (because these questions would require a pretty serious mood)..
or just let it all out, and ask him if you can ask some serious questions about your relationship.
hope you get your questions answered.. and that everything in your relationship goes well!

Answer 13

Honey I do not see anything wrong in the list of question.
However to have it all at one go will not be the best, why don't you mix and match your question and ask over a 2-3weeks time frame.
That way it be will go easy on your boyfriend, and also reassure him that you are asking out of concern and not to test him and if he loves you (I believe he is), than you will get very good answer honey.

Answer 14

You know its funny how we sometimes overlook the obvious in a relationship. If it was our job, each quarter we would have a performance feedback. We would have mandatory sitdowns with our bosses about our direction for ourselves with the company we are working for. 360 perfomance appraisals each year.

I know I rolled off on a tangent, but it makes me think. If I was to have more of these talks, with relationships I've had in the past. I would have saved alot of time being with the wrong person.

Answer 15

being a guy, and not evening getting to your third questions means you are asking any guy too much, do you think you will have his attention by the end of the second question.... answer is NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MO

Answer 16

First of all don't be so selfish

and don't ask him so many questions those may embarrass him so be cool just wait and see what happens if u don't have patience you will loose him