Funniest joke ever?!?

Question

The person who has the funniest joke will get 10 points for the best answer.

Answer 1

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker

You may have heard this one before, but I'll give it a shot.


Ok, so Bill, George, and Tom were going to a far away, hot, deserted island. They each got to bring 1 thing. So Bill brought food.
George asks, "Bill, why did you bring food???"
Bill answers, "So we have something to eat when we get hungry."
George brought water.
Tom asks, " George, why did you bring water???"
George answers, " So if we get thirsty we'll have something to drink."
Tom brought a car door.
Bill asks, "Tom why did you bring a car door????"
Tom answers, " If we get hot we can roll the windows down."


here's another:
Fred walks into a library and shouts, "Can I have a cheeseburger?!"
The librarian replies in a whisper, "This is a library!"
Fred replies in a whisper, " can i have a cheeseburger?"

Asker's Rating:

Asker's Comment:

I loved this answer so MUCH!!!!!

Answer 2

Shortest joke in the world
A cannibal passes his cousin in the jungle.
Do you get it?

Answer 3

Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, Daryl and Gomer. The three men had always done everything together. Daryl arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet, Daryl said, "Yup, his face is burnt up pretty bad. You better roll him over." The mortician rolled him over, and Daryl said, "Nope, ain't Bubba." The mortician thought that was rather strange. Then he brought Gomer in to identify the body. Gomer took a look at the body and said, "Yup, he's pretty well burnt up. Roll him over." The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, "No, it ain't Bubba." The mortician asked, "How can you tell?" Gomer said, "Well, Bubba had two buttholes." "What? He had two buttholes?!" said the mortician. "Yup, everyone knew he had two buttholes. Every time we went to town, folks would say, 'Here comes Bubba with them two buttholes.'"

Answer 4

There were three men studying an ancient tribe in Africa. One day they werre walking thru tha jungle when one of tha tribe members captured tha three men, he took them back to tha leader of tha tribe and said i captured these three men. The leader looked at tha three men and said "We will roast these three men on tha fire and eat them for dinner" the three men said "no please dont eat us we'll do anything" so the tribe leader told them to go out in tha jungle to find 10 fruits each....The first man came back with 10 apples. The leader told him to stick all 10 apples up his butt without making a face or saying anything. He got 4 apples up his butt and fell over. so he would be eaten. tha second man came back with 10 grapes. tha leader told him to do tha same. he got about 8 grapes up therre and he fell over laughing and couldnt get anymore up his butt. the first man said "Bob why did u stop? You werre so close" Bob said "I saw mike coming back with 10 watermelons"

Answer 5

soo there is a blonde a brunette and a redhead and they all have to say what they think into a magic mirror but if they say what they think and it is incorrect then it will punch them in the face.. so the brunette walks up and says i think i am the most beautiful girl in the world and it punches her in the face then the redhead walks up to the mirror and says i think i am the most smartest girl in the world then it puches her in the face then the blonde walks up to it and says i think and the mirror punches her in the face..haha.. yeah..PEACE

Answer 6

there were two guys on a plane 1 had a dog
guy 1:why are you aloud a dog?
guy 2:its a police dog
guy 1: what can it do?
guy 2:i'll show you
so the dog lays down next to a guy a the plane and came back and put 1 paw on its owner to show that the guy he layed down next to a bottle of whisky
guy 1: cooool do it again
guy 2 ok
so the dog lays down next to a guy a the plane and came back and puts 2 paws so the dog lays down next to a guy a the plane and came back and put cocaine
guy 1: wicked! do it again!!!
guy 2:ok 1 more time
so the dog lays down next to a guy a the plane and came back and craps all over them! before guy 1 could ask why the dog was craping on them guy 2 yelled..
guy 2: oh my good its a bomb!!!

how do you kill a blond?
put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool

what isn't a swear the starts with F and ends in UCK?







firetruck!

what did the blonde say when she opened a box of cherios?

oh look donut seeds!!!

Source(s):

i don't know

Answer 7

4 guys are golfing and 1 goes to pay for it so the 3 guys talk about their sons. the 1st guy goes my son is a stock broker he is doing so well he gave his friend a stock. the 2nd guy goes my son sells cars, hes doing so good he gave his friend a car. the 3rd guy goes my son is a house builder hes doing so well he just gave his friend a house. the 4th guy comes back and the 3 guys say we are talking about our sons whats urs like , he moans and says my son is gay but hes doing well his last 3 boyfriends gave him a stock a car and a house

Source(s):

funniest joke ever

Answer 8

The head pharmacist goes out to lunch leaving the assistant pharmacist in charge.When the head pharmacist returns from lunch he notices a man leaning against the wall.He asked the assistant what was wrong with the man leaning against the wall over there.The assistant pharmacist says,"Oh that guy.Oh yeah he came in a little while ago with a really bad cough so I sold him a laxative.He seems to be doing ok now..... I guess." The head pharmacist says,"Are you crazy?? You can't sell a laxative to someone who has a bad cough like that!?" The assistant pharmacist says "Well why not?? Look at him over there! Its working! He's too scared to cough now!!....."



An old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, he was seen walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to him and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"
He replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful."


a guy goes into a bar and sits beside a big lady.he says to her boy u have a big butt...she goes...why you.....and starts smacking him around.he goes in the mens room...fixes him self up....combs/fixes his hair.....straightens out his glasses...puts his teeth back in etc. He goes back and sits beside the same lady.He says to her....boy u got small boobs.....she says do i really...hes says yeah and i know how u can make em biger.She says how. He says you go into the ladies room,take your bra and shirt off....take a whole bunch of toilet paper and keep wiping and rubbing between your boobs...she says omg...do u think thatll really work for me/ He says why wouldnt it...it worked on your big butt didnt it...



A bus stops and 2 men get on with really strong accents. They sit down and
have a conversation.
The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first,
but all of a sudden when she hears one of them say the following:
"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two esses acoma together. I
come once-a-more. Two esses, they comma together again. I
come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."

"You dirty-mouth pigs," yelled the lady
.” In this country . . . we don't speak dirty in
public places about our sex lives. . . "

"Hey, relax lady whats sa-matter for you?," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta
sex?
I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell 'Mississippi'."



so theres this doctor that did circumcisions.After many years he decides its time to retire.All the circumsicions he did over the years,he saved the foreskins.He took the big garbag full of foreskins to his friend who works at a leather company.He says"Make me something nice out of these foreskins,cuz im retiring." His friend says"Come back in 2 weeks and ill have something nice for you."So he goes in 2 weeks to see what his friend made him.When he shows up 2 weeks later,his friend presents him with 5 nice wallets. He says to his friend"wallets!? Is that all i get after all these years!?" His friend says"Relax my friend.You see its not just ordinary wallets. After you rub them for a while,it becomes a 5 piece luggage set.



learn to speak chinese:
1) That's not right ....................... Sum Ting Wong
2) Are you harboring a fugitive?............. Hu Yu Hai Ding
3) See me ASAP................................ *** Hia Nao
4) Stupid Man ........................... Dum ***
5) Small Horse ......................... Tai Ni Po Ni
6) Did you go to the beach? ............ Wai Yu So Tan
7) I bumped into a coffee table ........ Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
8) I think you need a face lift ........... Chin Tu Fat
9) It's very dark in here ................. Wao So Dim
10) I thought you were on a diet ........... Wai Yu Mun Ching
11) This is a tow away zone ................ No Pah King
12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week ... Wai Yu *** Nao
13) Staying out of sight ................ Lei Ying Lo
14) He's cleaning his automobile .......... Wa Shing Ka
15) Your body odor is offensive ........... Yu Stin Ki Pu
16) Great .................................. Fa Kin Su Pah



There were these twin sisters just turning one hundred years old in St. Luke's Nursing Home and the editor of the local newspaper told a photographer to get over there and take the pictures of these 100 year old twin biddies.
One of the twins was hard of hearing but the other could hear quite well.
The photographer asked them to sit on the sofa.
The deaf one said to her twin, "WHAT DID HE SAY?"
"WE GOTTA SIT OVER THERE ON THE SOFA!", said the other.
"Now get a little closer together", said the cameraman.
Again, "WHAT DID HE SAY?"
"HE SAYS SQUEEZE TOGETHER A LITTLE".
So, they wiggled up close to each other.
"Just hold on for a bit longer, I've got to focus a little," said the photographer.
Yet again - "WHAT DID HE SAY?"
"HE SAYS HE'S GONNA FOCUS!"
With a big grin the deaf twin shouted out, "OH MY GOD - BOTH OF US?