Marriage and Money...a sharing question.?

Question

I am getting married to a wonderful man. The only problem is, he is not making any money currently at his job. He is an artist and things are slow right now during the holidays (an artist of the tattoo kind ;) ). I am paying for everything right now, all the rent, all the groceries, ontop of all my own bills I had previous to getting a husband. I was budgeted for one person, not two. I know he can't help that things are slow, but I cannot handle this on my own any longer. I am at risk of losing my apartment.(which he lives in with me) We are moving in with his parents for a couple of monthes so I can get rid of some bills (student loan, medical bills) that I had before we met. I want to approach him about finding a second job because his current job is bringing in just enough money for his gas and cigarettes, but don't know how. Business will pick back up around tax time...but that seems so far away. Help!

Additional Details

I am getting some pretty rough answers. He is not lazy, in fact he supported his ex throughout thier relationship. He hated doing it, and it was the reason they broke up. He gets upset frequently that he is not making money right now. I have yet to approach him about the second job...that was what was in my question. I want to bring it up, but I don't want to bring it up in a "You better start making some money, or we're getting divorced!" type of way. Because those are not my intentions at all. Money is rough for everyone right now. This just happens to be my situation.

Answer 1

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker

First, He should stop smoking.

Second, In keeping with his being an artist, he should branch out into another form of artistry. While he may work for someone else, he could keep himself from pigeon-holed to, just tattoo artistry. I am sure, his skills as a tattoo artist, could translate into, painting murals for instance.

Asker's Rating:

Asker's Comment:

Thanks. Suprisingly most tattoo artists cannot draw. Believe it or not, you need only be able to trace. He is very talented artistically and I've often told him he should expand on that. Great answer :)

Answer 2

Time for him to go to work or go away. Being an "artist" is just an excuse so he won't have to WORK for a living. He isn't grown up enough for marriage. Were I you, I'd lose him fast, unless you want your marriage to be stuck in the "salad days" stage for who knows how many years or decades.

Answer 3

I agree w/ Wicked...having a talent is wonderful, but paying the bills is important! Tell him to get a 2nd job, that you do not want to live w/ his parents. Is he lazy? Spoiled? My first husband financially raped me and my parents. It was the main reason for our divorce.

Answer 4

You need to make fast decisions now. Now that you`re sure you want to get married to your bf, you should know that your lines of communication need to be as open as they can be. Money problems is precisely what makes many marriages break because of stress and many because couples don`t communicate, and instead assume. But first evaluate your situation. I`m not saying that to get married you should have everything figured out, but before you continue with those plans, you need to talk to your bf about that second job and re evaluate moving in with his parents. The first days, months and years of a marriage should be experiences by just the two people geting married because these are not only special, but vital moments as a couple to learn about each other what they didn`t know, and it is a time of adjustment.
It is true that now that you`ve decided to get married you`re on all this together, but he needs to help you out! When something`s not working out, you need to search for more options, so he should find something else to bring in the money that you both need.

Answer 5

I too agree with Wicked and also cwguisti. Marriage is a two way relationship and both partners need to share in the good and bad. Have you told him that you are at risk of losing your apartment? What did he say? There are plenty of seasonal jobs out there right now so he should go out and get one or two jobs to help pay the bills. Right now this is a one way street and you may find yourself against the brick wall at the end of the road with nothing to show for it. We shouldn't judge him since we don't know him, however if he truly loves you-you wouldn't need to ask him to get a job to help out-he would do it naturally. Step lightly here, you still have time for the rest of your life to be what you want it to be-with or without him.