Sex with my husband...?

Question

I used to have a very active sex life... now that im married 2 years now I just find it boring i know its upseting my husband that we dont have sex much but its just not worth it to me... and dont just tell me to wear a nighte 2 spice it up or try a new positon... I think there is something wrong with me maybe when i had my son a year ago that my sex drive just turned off... I just want a way to turn it back on...

Additional Details

nope being fat isnt the problem... would love to go to dr to get meds to level my hormones out but dont have insurance... so guess i have to try herbals or something...

Answer 1

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker

You're not alone. I feel the same way. I'm probably worse than you though because I just got married in September. I have been with my husband (dating) for over 6 years and we used to be one of those couples who couldn't get enough. I thought it was just stress, (buying a new home, finishing my bachelors degree and planning a wedding) but it is all over now and I'm still not very active. My husband doesn't even really try anymore and I know it hurts his ego because he doesn't think I find him attractive (which isn't true).

Are you on any new medication? I am trying to get off my anti-depressants now but I'm also on the birth control which is also know to decrease your sex drive. But I may go to a doctor soon because a newlywed should be having lots of sex and I don't want to be one of those married couples who only do it every other Friday. I don't even have any kids yet.

So, you aren't alone. Try watching an adult movie together if you aren't disgusted by it. It is very cheesy but it does get me in the mood! But you may want to see a doctor as well!

Good luck! I was thinking about asking the question but now I don't have too. Thank you!

*Ignore the comments about you not being in love and that other people don't have this problem. Everyone is different. "Spicing" up your sex life isn't always that easy. I understand that you are not in the mood but you WANT to be. That is how I feel. So don't let other people tell you there is something wrong with you marriage life and that you don't love your husband. I'm still very attracted to my husband! And there is still a spark there, but sex is just more of a chore and I don't want it to feel like that.

The only thing that is wrong with you may be fixed with a doctors help. I'm going to check around now and see what doctor I can go to! I suggest you do the same! YOUR NOT ALONE so don't let these other people think you are!

Asker's Rating:

Asker's Comment:

thanks i know im not alone its just hard to understand until your in the situation....

Answer 2

Check if there is any change in your physical appearance, and you are feeling bad, that you have put on lot of weight, and that water has been retained in your system. Observe carefully, that many women, tend to loose control over their physical appearance, after the delivery of a child. It is either because of change in your life style, or too much of concentration on the child, and poor self figure maintenance standards. Trust the Indian Water Melon, and eat the fruit, along with the seeds, there will be a remarkable variation in your interest for sex.

Answer 3

Its very natural to lose your sex drive after having a child, in time it will come back, make a lot of time for romance with your hubby, cuddles, kisses walks holding hands.
finding time to turn yourself on with an erotic book, video etc might help.
i'm not saying anyone has to do things they don't want to do but every once in a while you should do it for him, in time your sex drive come back, maybe not where it was before but to a point where you will both enjoy it again.
sorry there is no magic answer to this one, it's a case of waiting it out.

Answer 4

Only 3 things can really help:

-Doctor and/or medicine.

-Exercise can definitely boost your sex drive (do 30 to 60 minutes a day and you will be shocked how you feel in about a week or two, worked for my wife).

-It may be lack of attraction to your husband, if so, figure out what has changed with him since you were married and having regular sex. If he has let himself go physically, tell him to join you exercising.

-GL

Source(s):

life

Answer 5

I think it might be your hormones. Everyone knows that when you have a baby your hormones are out of control for a while. For some people, once they have a baby, their hormones permanently change.

These hormones make up your sex drive. if you have to little of this or that hormone, your sex drive goes way down. if you have too much, your sex drive is out of control. Just right, and you have an average sex drive.

I once took a birth control pill that screwed up my hormones. I suddenly had no interest in sex ever. Even when I tried to force it, it just sucked because I wasn't at all horny. I talked to my doctor and switched birth controls. I was back in the swing of things in no time.

i think what you need to do to remedy your situation is call your own doctor. They can advise you what to do . If you are on a certain birth control, you can get switched to something more tolerable. If you aren't on any birth control, maybe you could try one. Sometimes the OB/GYN will put you on a birth control just to level out your hormones.

Source(s):

Life

Answer 6

It`s a common problem for married people. When we first fall in love- it`s all new. It is like exploring a new country......we get excited (and the rush of blood gets us sexually aroused).

But marriage is like having the same thing for dinner day in day out. There is no expectant newness/excitement any more.

The so-called `experts` always advocate to lay off sex for a while, and then for the wife to think of new scenarious for sex, like pretending her hubby is a rapist or whatever.
In my opinion even this only works for a short while.
Try wild physical sex for its own sake now and again - this can relieve and release frustration.

Answer 7

Once you have a baby / child all of your priorities change. Suddenly you have a whole lot more worries and other things to ponder on about the baby. You are physically more exhausted and sex seems to take the back burner over sleep and rest. This is normal, just do it when you can even if you have to fake it at least once a week to keep his rocket in his pocket.

Answer 8

First you say the sex is boring and you don't want to spice it up. Yet you want your sex drive back. The question is do you love your husband. Or is weight an issue be honest with yourself. Try this plan some family outings check the internet for actives in your area. Do more things outside the bedroom and see what happens. Sometimes its not a low sex drive its the marriage thats on low.

Answer 9

Yes, if sex with your husband doesn't seem "worth it" to you, there is something wrong. I've been having sex with the same guy for 14 years and have yet to find it boring or bland or not worth the effort. And I've had 4 of his kids so I don't see how ONE kid can destroy your sex drive unless you actively allow it to. Go see your doctor. It could be ppd.

Answer 10

Seriously, I really think you may have a chemical imbalance. A doctor can check for you. You may just need a minor adjustment in your blood chemistry and things might work out better for you. You'd be surprised at how often your blood make-up (especially after having a baby) will affect you.

Good luck.

Answer 11

hmm is it because you gained some weight after the child? how has he been treating you? is the romance still there? is it because you dnt want another child?

Answer 12

Go see a sex doctor or somethin. It's clear you're not into it, so no random advice is going to change anything.

Answer 13

sex is keeps refresh ur life...so keep it .if husband dont want .give him viagra or do some sex stuff like watching blue film together ...

Answer 14

whats a turn on for you? tell ur husband and maybe you will slowly get your grove back

Answer 15

talk to your husband not ppl youve never met!

Answer 16

thats what happens when you get married...sex becomes stale

Answer 17

I honestly think a threesome might help here, I really do!

Answer 18

Y'all keep doing it despite my Global Warnings: Never marry, and never cohabitate. But of course y'all just have to keep repeating the errors of our forepersonages. Marriage is inherently evil and is good for nothing mostly except making babies and declaring a bigger tax deduction.

This is why Europeans and South Americans have a healthier life: they realize that their spouse is as boring as churning butter, so everyone pretty much has a secret love-ah. As long as you deny having one, and never bring as much as one molecule of your lover home, it's cool.