Family Issues. Help? 10 Points for best answer...Sorry i'm skipping around a lot in my description.?

Question

Ok so i am a 16 year old female and in the 11th grade. My parents have been married for 16 years also. So when i was in the sixth grade my dad called my sister and i upstairs. When we got there we saw my mom crying and i dad then told us that he had an affair with another woman about 5 years before an that we had another sister. I did not cry, my sister did. I thought that he was telling me, my mom, and my sister, but he was only telling us. He had told my mom when it happened. I immediately started to resent my mother. I just could and still can't understand how she can stay with him. It seems like since that day me and my mother have never been the same. I pretty my can't stand her. I just feel like she only wanted to stay with him to make us happy but i would much rather have them divorced and happy than together and arguing. My mother and i get in an argument seriously everyday and i has drained me mentally, and emotionally. When my dad hears her and i arguing he comes and starts yelling at me because he feels like i don't respect her.

Everytime my dad goes to see my other sister; my mom gets worried and scared that he will have another affair with my sisters mom, and it makes me sick. He is always explaining to my mom that it is not my sisters fault so she has the right to see her father and also he does not have to pay child support. He always say "if i had to pay child support, we would not have this house and we would not be living the life we do because it would make us struggle even more." out of resentment i always take his side. But now i think i hate the man he has become because he is mean, has anger issues, and always thinks he right, and doesn't allow anyone to voice there opinions, but he swears up and down that he doesn't do that..

theres alot more to it but i don't feel like writing it....the only thing i want is for my mom to understand my feeling and for me to be able to talk to her about anything.

Answer 1

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker

Hun, I hear ya.

But there's the scoop: Your mom already knew, she knows now, and she is making her decision on how to deal with it. All affairs do not end marriages. You don't know that she's staying for YOU.

You need to respect what she has done and why, and you can be angry at your father but at least he was honest with your mom about it from the beginning, and it sounds like he does love her very much because he is coming down on you when he thinks you are not respecting her.

You have to take this out of your own POV (point of view). This isn't directly about you. It affects you, certainly, but it's an issue for your parents to deal with.

What you hate is your altered perceptions of your parents-- mom was like X and dad was like Y, and this admission changed that. But your parents are still your parents, and whatever they have decided to do to make the best of this situation is something you need to accept. You need to stop judging your parents-- hard at your age, but necessary. Parents do things for reasons their children will never understand.

Please try and not judge them so harshly. Truth be told, you have no right to do so.

Good luck.

Asker's Rating:

Asker's Comment:

Thank you so much, you help me a lot.

Answer 2

Your and your family should go to a therapist.

Answer 3

go to counseling together

Answer 4

First, you need to respect your mother's decision. You don't know what her reasoning was, maybe she was able to forgive your father. You don't know what was going on between you parents at the time so you should not judge either one.

I would suggest you get and read a book "After the Affair". This will help you understand what happens before, during and after an affair.

Your mom needs and deserves your respect.