How to deal with the much loved boyfriend and best friend complex.?

Question

I've been going out with my boyfriend for almost two years and it has been mainly fine with him getting along with my friends. BUT he met one of my best friends who is male but i have known since i was about 6years old and he got extremely jealous and gets somewhat annoyed when i talk to him on the phone or even on facebook. and said that my friend was trying to make a move on me and its not appropriate for me to talk to him anymore. i assured him that we both see each other as pretty much being either gay or like a brother and sister. there is no bf/gf love between us what so ever. but he still doesn't accept that answer.

one morning i woke up to him going though my phone and reading every single text message he has sent me and i have responded to and we got into a massive argument because he saw a message that my friend wrote starting with "hey beautiful" then i brought up that he doesn't trust me because i have said a billion times that there is no feelings between us to which he said its not that he does trust me he doesn't trust my friend (which i don't understand because it takes two people to start cheating). anyway i got really mad an pretty much walked out on him and haven't responded to his calls in the last two days just because im not sure what to say

anyway what my question was is what can i do to keep both relationships (both friend and bf) without having this dilemma

Answer 1

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker

I can sum this up for you quite easily. Dump the boyfriend, keep the friend.

If your boyfriend can't trust you & is obsessively going through your things for evidence of cheating, then he is obviously not someone you should be going out with. Seriously hon, he should be willing to trust you. He's trying to tell you who you can be friends with & who you can't be friends with.

If you go back, he's going to eventually demand that you stop talking to your friend. Not immediately, but he'll start pressuring you & trying to alienate you from your friend. Once he has that, what's to stop him from trying to control every other facet of your life? Nothing, because he knows that you've already bent on one thing.

My little sis dated a guy like this before. He couldn't understand why she was friends with a guy, even though they were 155% platonic. He did pretty much the same things & she thought about leaving him, but then went back. Things were great at first, but eventually he started trying to alienate her from her friend. He actually ended up succeeding at breaking up their friendship & then started in on other things. He was very subtle at this. Eventually she realized what was going on & dumped the turd, then made up with her friend.

Guys come & go, but real friendships are forever!

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Asker's Comment:

thanks. i don't think i will be dumping him just yet. i am going to try explaining it once more but if he does try anything that is going to be game over because i strongly agree with your last statement.

Answer 2

Just explain to your friend first of all that you'll never let a guy get inbetween your friendship. As for your boyfriend, just make sure you have him understand that you don't even think of this friend that way. You think of him as a brother. And also, that you're not a whore and would never, ever cheat on somebody.