I still have a hard time forgiving my wife?

Question

In january of 08 she started having an affair. We got pregnant and then her and the guy ended it in april of that year because she wanted to work things out with me. We separated and got back together in july that year and then she had the baby in late october. I love this child as if she were my owen but I still have a hard time overlooking what my wife did. I feel like she might do it again. I know she said she has promised to me and herself that she will never do it again but its hard to forget how much it all hurt. What should I do? I want everything to workout but I feel it getting harder to just let it go. How can I let it just be and the past and not fase me so much?

Answer 1

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker

If you want to stay with her, the two of you will need to see a councilor.
Don't just pick the first one out of the phone book. Find one that is not going to be judgmental or picks sides. A good one is an impartial referee and wants to help you. I've said this because too many friends have paid small fortunes to one that didn't have any interest in saving their marriages.
Trust has to be earned. Once lost, it is nearly impossible to regain. You have to make sure she know this. Don't assume that she knows. Tell her, bluntly.
You are carrying a grudge, though you may not realize it. You've been hurt, and it is understandable, but not commendable. As long as you are carrying it you will not be able to get past this. Realize this, the only thing harder than carrying a grudge is putting one down.
If the two of you can do this it you have a chance at mending your marriage.
If you really love the little girl, do it for her because her "father" has left the picture and is probably not coming back. She has nothing to do with the circumstances of her birth. Any guy can be a father, It takes a Man to be a Dad.
You MUST let go of the past. She MUST regain your trust You can get past this. But It's going to take a lot of work by both of you.

Asker's Rating:

Asker's Comment:

Your answer really helpful

Answer 2

the trust has bend broken,it is hard enough to earn her trust then she does this now because of what she did, it will be harder for her to trust you because now she thinks that one day you will cheat on her.What should you do?if you want it to work you must never bring up the past unless you're using it to build trust and let her know that you will never cheat on her ever and every now and then ask her if she trust you and then only then tell her why you don't think she trust you.let her know that you know because of what she did she will have a harder time to trust you.

Answer 3

Hi...To completely accept your spouse, you also to accept and respect her point of view, even if you do not understand . Trust is a key component in strong marriage, when there is trust between couples, there is no jealousy. Remember no marriage is perfect, however if you still want to save your marriage, you can find the tips through this site which will give you a good solution in your marriage problem

Source(s):

http://www.themarriageadvice.com

Answer 4

In my opinion you need to find someone who loves and respects you and believes in the sanctity (i dont know if i spelled that right) of marriage it means faithfull to my partner forever no matter what not faithful till i get bored but please dont take it out on the child it didnt do anything wrong they never asked to be brought into this world i hope this helped in some way

Answer 5

Once a cheater, always a cheater. She WILL do it again, sooner or later. You will NEVER forgive her. Better to move on now, than waste more years of your life with a cheater that got pregnant by another man while married to you! I'm not being insensitive and I know it hurts, but move on!

Answer 6

it hurts i know but when you finally get someone else that really loves you
it is magic
your problem is you have a big heart and hers is it is too small
my advice find someone with same size heart !
and enjoy life stop being a slave to love

Answer 7

Dump her as@. Trust me she is not worth it.

Don't waste your time on cheating ho's.

Answer 8

Well in my opinion its always going to be in the back of your mind and trufully it would be not smart to just forgive her so quickly and try to forget.. I think its great that you want to keep the relationship which means you still her but I look at it this way,when you get back with a cheating spouse in a way its saying its okay to cheat on me. This doesn't mean that she will cheat on you again just because she did have an affair once but maybe you guys should try marriage counseling???? That way the counselor can give you options or help you both put the past behind you if thats what you want.


Also its very important since there is a new baby that you guys work this out positively because it can have an affect on how the child may look at relationships. Especially if you are going to resent her.......................Sorry if this sounds mean in anyway just wanna help =)