How can I calm down and trust my man?

Question

I love my partner so much, we have been together for nearlly 10 years. I know of so many people who have split up and divorced people too. I said to my friend what would you do if your husband left you and she said, there is always someone else round the corner. My problem is I love my partner so much and I know he loves me but I am scared of him leaving me one day, it seems to happen so much in life. I couldnt stand it. I dont want anyone else who maybe round the corner I just want him. Many of the people I know leave because of an affair. I worry in case one day he meets someone else that he will fall for. He says he wont but how do you know unless you meet that person that makes you feel excited? He says he still feels like that with me and noone else could make him feel like that, How can anyone know until it happens?
I trust he wouldnt sleep with anyone else for the sake of it but how can you trust someone not to do that if it just happens and they didnt expect it to either?

Answer 1

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker

Wow after 10 years together u still dont know your partner? thats sad.. u'd think after 10 years there would be a part of you that would actually believe him when he says he loves u especially if he's done absolutely nothing to even make u feel other wise..im just curious how many hoops does he have to jump through to make you believe he loves u .. and how many hoops does he make you jump through to make you prove to him that when you say "i love you" that u actually mean it? And why is it that he has to believe it when u say it, but u dont want to believe that he means it when he says it?

Guess what? Love is a leap of faith.. there is no guarantee.. just because you say i do , or have a marriage license or your wearing a ring.. doesnt protect you from infidelity.. There will always be younger women, prettier women, funnier, smarter, nicer women out there.. just like there will be men that are better in one shape or form then your man.. but what stops a person from cheating is the fact that when u truely love someone.. the heart see's differently then your eyes.. and if your mate is capable of cheating, if they have that characteristic flaw in them.. then they will cheat and there is NOTHING you can do about it... its about chosing the right partner.. recognizing "red flags" in their personalitity when they arise, instead of being blinded to by love and ignoring them.. and after 10 years u should know if he's given you reason to believe that he could one day do this to u , or if his actions speak louder then words and have shown u through the years that he is a man that is loyal , and honorable, that can be trusted.. Your wasting so much time on "negatives" instead of enjoying your life with this man... ur so busy dwelling in "WHAT IF's" instead of living for today and what you have today.. Your borrowing trouble that hasnt happened yet.. and your more then likely making your partner feel as though nothing they say or do is good enough and its destroying who they are inside by making him feel as though he cant be trusted, that u dont believe in him, etc.. and that does destroy someone when they feel their partner cant trust them and they've done nothing to be made to feel that way.. how would u feel if u said " i love u" to him, and he always said " i dont believe you" it would get irritating, then you'd get angry after awhile, and then u'd stop saying at all because whats the use he doesnt believe u.. well he's human to with feelings.. eventually he'll start being irritated if he's not already.. then he'll get angry.. and then he'll stop showing and doing.. till one day you've pushed him so far emotionally from u that you've now created what u feared the most, him disconnecting from u and pushing him away.. People with insecurity issues, that smoother their goal is to keep that person with them, but ultimately they usually end up doing the opposite and actually push their partner further away from them so u need to becareful that your not going overboard with your insecurity issues.. and u do have to keep reminding yourself that this is in YOUR head since he's given u no reason to doubt him, then he's not the cause, you are.. good luck hope u get it under control for both of your sakes..

Asker's Rating:

Asker's Comment:

Thank you, your words brought it home to me how I am making my fear into reality. I will stop and try to make it up to him. I do know him after 10 years very well. I have been feeling down and got carried away in my own bad thoughts and not reality. Thanks again, you have really helped.

Answer 2

After 10 years it sounds as if there are other issues here not just the one you have presented, it may be worth going thru some kind of councilling to get to the bottom of it. I dont believe you will get a definative answer off this site to your question, you need to explore the answer yourself, only you can come up with the answer.
Soory

Answer 3

tell your friend to bog off!!!! has she made you feel insincure or were you already insecure. If it is her that has made you feel this way then it's only through jealousy...the fact that you have a loving partner and life for you is going well. If it is you that feels insecure then you need to sort your head out. You husband has never given you cause for concern before so why would he now. I'm happily married and have been with my husband since i was 13, we are nearly 40 now. I have never once worried about him going off...WHY??? because in my heart i just know he wouldn't. that's the only answer i can give....You just know i your heart. Stop worrying.

Answer 4

has he given you reason to not trust him it seems like your waiting for something to happen or go wrong...have faith in your marriage, you have trust issues and maybe a little insecure..do you lack in self confidence?? you need to learn to love yourself and realise your a great catch...there is that risk wih everyone who is in a relationship that there other may stray but if in 10 years there has been no reason do dis trust him you may be causing yourself more worry and stress than needed..relax and enjoy what you have.

Answer 5

He loves you. You know that and you're trying to trust him but it sounds like you don't have enough self esteem (of course I could be wrong).

You probably can't help feeling like that at the moment. Tell him that you know it's illogical for you to feel that way. It isn't his fault you feel like this, but it isn't yours either. It's just a feeling.

If you think it's getting out of hand, try to get some help with a psychologist. You could go on your own or with your partner.

Answer 6

If he has not cheated before, or shown the slightest inclination to cheat, and you believe that he does love you, then he is no more likely to cheat than you yourself are.

What stops a person from cheating is committment and dedication to their partner. He has shown this to you for 10 years, and thats something you shouldnt ignore. There is always someone prettier, richer, etc than you, and he could have had any one of thousands of women that he has crossed paths with in his life, but he chose YOU to spend his life wife. You are the woman he has fallen for, you are the one he wants. You are the special one for him. Keep reminding yourself of that everyday.

Answer 7

Uhhhh Lady S -

Why in the world are you spending time worrying about something that hasn't even happened or that may or may not ever happen? You sound a bit insecure and that alone will make your partner run!!! You also sound like you're very dependent. You stated, "I dont want anyone else who maybe round the corner I just want him." Well, it's great that you're still in love after ten years, but you still sound like you're very dependent on him for your own happiness. No relationship should be like that. You should find and make your own happiness independent of him. Because if you don't, then you will be devastated if your fears come to fruition.

If he hasn't given you any indication that he will leave or cheat, then stop consuming yourself with all of these negative thoughts and enjoy your time together with him. Geeeeeez
Quit being a worry wart and a pain in the *** girl. Life is too short.

Cha

Source(s):

Experienced

Answer 8

yours is a foolish act.the relationship remains only on the belief and after 10 years when he still says that you are his lady, you are such a lucky person. just come out of all this confusions and negative thoughts and lead a happy life with your hubby .

Answer 9

You are making yourself sick over something that has not happened. You are going to make your relationship miserable eventually if you keep thinking that way. Why are you feeling this way? Has he given you a reason to? Don't worry about him cheating when he has not cheated and hasn't given you any reason to think he has. In other words, if it works, don't try to fix it. What the hell are you doing with him for 10 years if you can't trust him?? Sounds to me you should have figured this one out by now. Stop worrying, be happy!! seriously you are going to make problems in your relationship with him if you keep thinking this way!! Relax and enjoy what you got! You have to stop living life on the premise that he is "going" to cheat one day, that is ridiculous, you are going to put your relationship with him at risk. Just relax.

Answer 10

If he has never given you a reason to not trust him, stop looking for ways to ruin things between you and him.

Answer 11

I think you have low self esteem and some insecurity problems deep down. You just have to trust that's all--he trusts you doesn't he--well you must start trusting him then. There IS a downside in that the longer you continue to be like this with him that he may in fact walk away one day--it might get too much for him. You have to be like the rest of us here and get on with having what comes across as a very happy relationship. Sorry could not help further.

Answer 12

Stop feeling so insecure!,, be confident, your man chose you, didn't he?. life is full of pit-falls, do not fall into one, before it is dug. Enjoy what you have!!!

Source(s):

Experience...

Answer 13

that is why there is no one to trust in but god. society doesn't teach people that. they teach you to take pills for anxiety and that your life is learning about control but identifying your limits of what you really control -which is ultimately nothing- is the first step to learn to trust god.

i pray daily for my family, for their protection, for god to watch out for them and bless them and keep them. the devil and this world has no hold or influence over what god protects. look into that for yourself

Answer 14

Ok, well try to be logical.

You are scared of your husband leaving you, right?

What effect do you think these paranoid fantasies and possessiveness is going to have on the chance of that happening?

Answer 15

You can never know that it won't happen. But equally you can never know that it won't be you who wants to leave him one day.

What you have to do is live for the moment and enjoy each other right now. Don't take each other for granted. You have survived 10 years together - a lot longer than so many couples out there. If you have been strong enough to survive everything that has gone on in 10 years then I doubt there's much you can't face together.

But just enjoy each other. Maybe go on a few dates together over the coming months, inject a bit more passion into the relationship - give it a new lease of life. I think you will be pleasantly surprised that you will start to relax a bit more after that. :)

Answer 16

It would be a lie for a husband or wife to say they would never ever find another person attractive or even be tempted as there are many temptations in life,we have to make sure we resist them. Enjoy your life with your husband and believe in what he tells you,you are lucky to have a lovely husband,so have faith in him. x

Answer 17

Either you have a problem with trusting people, or your partner is sending you messages that are causing you doubt. Maybe you recognize that his feelings are not as strong as yours or maybe he is doing or saying something that is causing you to not fully believe him when he says he loves you. Perhaps he's lied to you in the past. I don't know. But, there is a reason for you feeling the way you do. The thing you need to decide is whether he has made you feel this way or whether you feel this way about everyone. If it's you, then you need to get you fixed through some counseling.