Have you ever.......?

Question

Have you ever looked in your spouses/significant other's phone text messages or facebook/myspace pages if you had a gut feeling that something was going on behind your back? And if so, wether you found something or not, did you feel guilty for looking in the first place?

Additional Details

I looked out of curiosity while trying to download some music onto her phone, didn't like what I found, and felt guilty anyway. If I don't say anything, God only knows how long it will go on for. If I do say something, she'll think I don't trust her. My issue is, it could be nothing at all, she is a viscious flirt. We have a great marriage and a fantastic sex life, so if it is what I fear, why would she find the need to stray?

Answer 1

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker

I was cheating so started thinking he might be too, thats the problem with trust its a two way thing. After I confessed, he confessed to having cheated on me years ago. Then I discovered via his email (which he had actually asked me to check for something) that he had purchased spyware, presumably to use on my phone. I asked him one night if he was spying on my phone, he denied it, was going to take that at face value (I still trusted him lol) until he finished with the sentence "I dont even know anything about spyware". Now I KNEW he was lying to me, I checked his internet history and found he looked up the website of a company where a woman had worked that he had admitted "almost" cheating with (he says he just kissed her), saved all this up for the next argument.

I won the argument on points obviously, as it exposed him as a total hypocrite on the fidelity front, but it was a hollow victory.

Moral: dont go looking for anything unless you are happy to deal with the consequences.

Asker's Rating:

Asker's Comment:

I don't want to say anything because I don't want her to think I don't trust her, but knowing me, it'll probably spurt out at the wrong time. Thaks for your input!

Answer 2

yes i did. no guilt. but i hate that i was right.

Answer 3

I don't look, we don't check each other like that, we just ask each other if there is any doubt.

Answer 4

Since we are very much open,yes but i trust my husband.Not a big deal to me .

Answer 5

It really depends i mean i if you had the gut feeling it mean there is probably something, that did happen your gut feeling is almost always right. I think if you didn't find what you where looking for i would feel a little bad because i though something that was not actually happening.

Answer 6

Yes i have but with no guilt. I wouldn't tell him I did because then he would hide everything and then I won't know if hes up to something.

Answer 7

sweet milderd is in the house...crawl into her playpen

Answer 8

I've looked, but not because I was particularly suspicious, mostly curious. I felt slightly guilty, about the same level I feel as when I forget to say thank you.

PS - Two questions above this one is one that asks, "should i go ahead with a 20 yr age gap?" I noticed your user name, Grammar Cop - well, that question is in dire need of a grammar cop! Please, go arrest that woman!

Answer 9

Whether you look or not, the question is why do you doubt? It could be your own insecurity, it could be that she has been disloyal in the past. Either way, its just a matter of time before you find out. Once you start looking its hard to stop. I personally like one of the other person's response they ask one another, "if there is any doubt?".

Answer 10

Once upon a time, before there were cell phones and the Internet, I had a gut feeling that something was going on with my soon to be ex-wife.

It's a sickening feeling to experience doubts about your wife's fidelity, and it makes a man behave irrationally. I'm sad to say that I was reduced to following her ~ waiting in parking lots to see who she was with. I was in turmoil ~ full of anxiety and the fear of what I would discover. I was also angry with her for putting me in that situation, and I was angry with myself for following her. But I didn't feel guilty.

To make a long story short, she had a couple of affairs and I divorced her.

Answer 11

I looked at his myspace. he had a TON of comments from girls on his profile who I didn't know so I checked his messages out. Then I dumped him. I felt awful for doing it but not as awful as I would feel If I found out any other way!

Answer 12

No I've never

Answer 13

No, I have never done that.

Answer 14

Wow good question.

I did suspect something was going on & he continually denied it. I felt like I was going crazy. We had two small kids, the house, the cars, the careers, etc... I finally did look at his email account & checked his cell phone voice mail & my world crashed down around me. I asked him to leave & divorced him. I have never felt one ounce of guilt. He is the one who broke the vows, not me. I'm glad that I found out & life couldn't be better now!