What can i do to solve this?

Question

hmm well i need some sort of advice on this.
My mum and i dont always get along, and lately its been too much. I understand she gets stressed, but i cant cope with it anymore. She keeps saying how i hate my little brother. And i dont, i love him to bits, id die for him. Maybe am not good at showing it but it dont mean i dont love him. So whenever i say anything to him she starts saying things like "you hate him! stay away from him!" and eventually ends up saying that she hates me, that i shouldnt exist.
I dont know what to do with myself. I'm in my last year of college and stressed myself aswel. I try hard to help her out with all i can, i do all the houserwork, baby sitting and etc. I try to be patient but sometimes her words really hurt me. I fell into depression last year since all my friends turned their backs on me, and my mum ignored me completely, for a whole year i had no one to speak to, so i guess i have no confidence and completely lost trust. I feel like no matter what i do, am never good enough. Her friends always say that they would like to have me as a daughter, but shes never happy with me. Am quiet and a little serious, but i dont think am that horrible. I just dont know how to react when am called a mistake. If am a mistake, then what should i do with myself?

Additional Details

aw i forgot to mention am only 17 (am the youngest in class)

Answer 1

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker

You can prove that you're not a mistake (as your mum calls you) only by your actions and your choices in life, not by what someone else tells you, even if that person happens to be your mother. I have to say, based only on what u've written, the way your mum is acting is really irresponsible...it is not only going to subconsciously create a rift between you and your brother but it will ruin her health as well. The more mature thing for her to do would be to listen to two sides of a story and resolve whatever little tiffs u have with your brother amicably. But that isn't happening- so what I'm getting at, is that your mother seems emotionally stunted...she has trouble processing her emotions.

The question is, are you going to prove her right by letting these troubles affect your college life and social life and becoming depressed or are you going to focus on more important long-term goals like your college work. If you fall into a depression and let this affect you, you're going to do everything but SOLVE your problem. It will only be an excuse for you mum to taunt and manipulate you further.

I think, you should do yourself a favor, and really avoid getting into conversation with her and even your brother atleast till college is done. It can be frustrating to fight and make your brother/mum understand these things and talk this out if both are immature, so don't say anything. Immerse yourself in other pursuits. If your mum asks you what's wrong, flash her a big smile and say everything's ok. Tell her you're getting really busy and need to devote your time to academic stuff. .

Don't act too rashly. Don't punish yourself. Don't lose your confidence. (hehehe.....I'm beginning to sound like a mother, right now and I'm not digging it!!!) But, anyway, u get the idea. Sometimes, all we have to do in life is just hang in there. Not to react or act on anything. Just let things settle themselves out and don't get carried away by the highs or the lows of a situation.

My mum is also oversensitive. I used to cave in and console her all the time and that only reinforced her behavior. Now I am a little detached from her and when we make conversation, it's on really light-hearted things but I think it helps both of us this way.

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Asker's Comment:

thanks for all your understanding and advice =]

Answer 2

If you're ok with reverse phycology read this. Oh wow your mom is a damn ******* *******! Kick her ***!!!!! She so should not be saying **** like that to you! Did that make you mad what I said about your mother? Well then if it did, My answer should totally help you..

Look my parents do this all the time when they are mad. When she yells at you and says that say, if I'm such a mistake then you must really be heartless. Mom I love you but don't you know how bad you make me feel everyday? And what does you hate your brother supposed to mean? I love my brother and I love you but if you're gonna act like this, I don't see why you even cared about me if you did. I do so much for you and you don't even say thank you. I've appreciated you always but no matter what I do, I'm never gonna be good enough for you am I?


How did she even get the impression that you hate your brother? And heck no you are not a mistake! you have not done anything and she hates you? And plus there are always good friends out there whom you can find all the time. I'm not even in highschool yet and I know all of this from personal expierence. What I told you to tell your mom works on my parents but might not work on your mom. Just maybe if you want to say what I told you to say, Say it in a nicer way? Have you even tried being nice to her and talking about it? Good luck!

Answer 3

Look, YOUR MOTHER IS A CRAPPY MOTHER!!!!! No mother should say she hates you!!! NO MOTHER!!!!! Anyone would respond badly to that!!!! What you should do? REALIZE SHE'S A CRAPPY MOTHER AND GET AWAY FROM HER!!!!!!! You're, what, 21, 22??? Old enough to 1) realize what a crappy mother she is, 2) start thinking as an adult with your own mind and will and 3) GET THE HELL AWAY FROM HER!!!!

Stop babysitting, move out, get your own life!! When she asks/complains/criticizes you, TELL HER IT'S BECAUSE YOU DON'T WANT TO BE AROUND HER!!!!! THAT SHE'S TOLD YOU SHE HATES YOU!!!! NO ONE WANTS TO BE AROUND THAT CRAP!!!!!!
Give it to her good, not as a whiny, pitiful kid, but as a strong adult who's giving her back what's she's given you!!!!!!