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Tristan

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  • If your friend reminded you how to use a cup and saucer when drinking tea, would you be offended? ?

    My buddy lives overseas and I told him I would visit his elderly mother. I called her and she invited me for tea. 

    Next thing my buddy is really happy but in a chat tells me his mother is fussy about tea and and to make sure not to separate your cup and saucer from each other when you visit her. 

    I feel like telling him to go fsiks himself. What kind of person does he think I am? What difference does it make if I put the cup on the saucer anyway? 

    Does he have a right to tell me this? Should I be annoyed? Both my friend and his mom seem odd if this is what they care about. Thoughts? 

    2 AnswersFriends3 months ago
  • What did my Mom shame me about masturbating?

    I was 17 at the time and she walked in without knocking caught me masturbating - not in the act but I was holding my pants up and she could see a porno mag on top of my bed. She was shocked by the scene and stormed out of my room.  I was really upset and totally humiliated. 

    However the next two days it got worse as my Mom she publicly shamed me about it in front of my family and years later I find it hard to forgive her and can't understand what she was thinking. 

    The next night at the dinner table with my younger sister (16) we were talking about films or magazines or some topic and my Mom "of course you brother might not like X - he would probably be more interested in Playboy."  The next day she did the same thing again alluding to porn at some other other family interaction but directed at me.

    I was so hurt, ashamed and angry. Two days later I waited for her return from work and I went out to her car when she arrived to the house and told her directly:  Stop saying all this Playboy stuff in front of my sister right now!

    And it was never discussed or mentioned every again. 

    Question: What was she thinking to shame to a young man like this about something completely normal? 

    This is more than 20 years ago but should I ask her? No parent is perfect but why would a parent do this to their young son?  

    10 AnswersFamily5 months ago
  • How do I bring up a payment with a friend whose mother has recently died?

    My Mom is a painter. My friend likes her work and asked would she paint his mother (who was sick and dying). As it turned out my mother did the painting just before she died so my friend's Mom say the picture on her deathbed. My mother went to the funeral of my friend's mother (as I live overseas). Apparently, my friend said he would frame the picture and give my Mom the money for the picture (which is a nominal figure for costs).

    Now it's nearly two months later. My mother is asking what has happened so I've asked my friend did he frame the picture. He replied that the framers is closed due to coronvirus but never mentioned the payment. 

    I'm getting annoyed as he should have paid ASAP and hasn't made any effort despite my mother bending over backwards to get the painting ready for him. 

    He mentioned to "tell your Mom" he could collect shopping for her during corenavirus (she's 77) but he never reached out himself - he has her number. 

    What should I do? I've known this guy for 20 years and none of this surprises me. Despite this I'm annoyed and frustrated. I always make allowance for his bad manners but does he get a pass due his Mom's death and corenavirus? Or is he just a terrible friend and its my fault for putting up with it?

    2 AnswersFriends7 months ago
  • Can my friendship with a big class difference survive?

    I've been friends with this guy for 20+ years but in recent years, I'm wondering can our friendship survive. We get on really well and have had some great times together.

    He always makes me laugh and we never run out of conversation. However, I'm not sure if he brings out the best in me and is the best person to hang out with. We come from different social classes - and he harbours resentments about his social standing.

    He has hang ups about his childhood schooling and not having had all the opportunities other have had (people like me). He's hardworking and motivated (to prove people wrong). But his lack of manners has become more tiresome for me.

    He's totally closed minded and "hates" anything he feels is "upper class" (the arts, rugby, etc).

    In recent years, I've decided to improve my dress sense, so I've ditched Vans for leather shoes and bought some nice jackets, shirts and a watch. My friend continues to dress badly in my opinion - and his personal hygiene his disapproved - yet he sees my choices as "dandyism".

    He spits everywhere - on the street, as we walk about the city together - he's even done it indoors in bars (in posh neighbourhoods). Once when drinking in a bar last years in my neighbourhood (the "rich" neighbourhood) we walked home and he urinated on the street - a 3 minute walk from my front door. I was disgusted. He often declares he is "middle class". But I'm tired of hearing this. To me, he has no class. Can our friendship be saved? Is it worth saving?

    1 AnswerFriends7 months ago