Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Society & CultureReligion & Spirituality · 1 decade ago

Athiest joke?

One beautiful morning a athiest was walking through the forest, admiring natures surroundings... He looked up and saw the trees swaying in the wind high above him and smiled... He saw the river glisten in the sun twinkle like a new born star and it made him warm inside... He thought to himself that mother nature had made a true and wonderful world... The athiest had walked a little further down the track he had taken when suddenly a bear jumped out of the bushes only a few yards ahead of him and started growling, looking hungry and ran quickly towards him... Seeing the big bear bounding towards him he screamed in horror and started running as fast as he could away from the bear... Knowing that the bear would catch up to him and he had no chance, the athiest soon ran out of breath and in a few paces fell to the ground...

As the bears shadow fell upon his face and his paws come down upon his chest, the athiest screamed "oh help me god" Suddenly the trees that he so much admired stopped

Update:

swaying...

The river he loved suddenly stopped flowing..

And the sky opened up and a voice begun to speak..

"I am god, and even though you dont believe in me, i am here for every being on this earth"

The athiest felt relieved a little bit and asked god...

"Im sort of in this situation, im only asking if you can help me get out of it"

God thought for a moment and said...

"I will give you one wish to help you and that is all, you may proceed with this wish"

The athiest thought about this wish for a moment and then spoke to god..

" Well i dont really want to become a christian, so i wish the bear to become a christian"

God spoke...

"So be it done"

Suddenly the sky closed up...

The river turned back into its flowing glory...

The trees began to sway again...

And the bear clapped his paws together and said...

"Thankyou god for this meal im about to receive"

15 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    That is so wrong, but it is HILARIOUS! : )

  • 1 decade ago

    Glad I'm not an Athiest or I would be insulted. As an A-T-H-E-I-S-T I find it mildly funny in an infantile way (two notches above poop jokes), but not very sophisticated. Try this one - A Cardinal of the Church dies and goes to Heaven. An angel is giving him the the grand tour and a soul goes by draped in gold trimmed pure white robe with cheribim throwing rose pedals in his path as he ascends the gold inlayed white marble steps to his massive white marble mansion. The Cardinal asks the angel who that is and the angel says, "Oh, he's a lawyer.". The Cardinal thinks, "Wow, if that is what a lawyer gets, I can imagine what I, a Cardinal of the Church, will get". They continue on the tour and enter a huge building with a 200 foot high arched enterance way and the hall equally as impressive stretches forever. After walking for miles down the hall they take a left into another hall with 100 ft. high ceilings and walk again, coming to another turn into a hall with 50 ft. ceilings. this goes on an on with each turn the hall becomes smaller and narrower until finally they are going down a hall so narrow they have to walk single file and duck into doorways to let others pass. They come to a rough hewn wooden door, the angel opens it and inside there is a small straw cot, a basin and pitcher and a small window that looks out over nothing special. The angel says, "This is where you will reside for eternity in Heaven.". The Cardinal is totally taken aback by this and blusters out, "I'm a Cardinal of the Church and THIS is all I get, why did the lawyer get so much?" The angel says, " Cardinals are a dime a dozen, he's the only lawyer we've got here.".

  • 1 decade ago

    Now that is a funny Joke. Good job.

  • 1 decade ago

    That would imply that God helps those who want to be helped but only when they ask for it. Which statistically speaking never helps. And the only thing that holds you to religion is your fear of death. Yes some atheist joke.

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  • 1 decade ago

    To which the atheist says, "Hell no," and whips out his shotgun and press it to the temple of the kneeling bear. "Boommmm!!!!"

    Lesson: Bring your shotgun out in case of a converted bear tries to eat you, atheist.

    (Remember Atheists take matters to their own hands and does not rely on prayers)

  • =_=
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    Not funny, man. Why would an atheist call out to an imaginary being? I wouldn't.

  • 1 decade ago

    How lovely...I'm actually curious as to whether "god" would appreciate this joke. It sure shows a lot of "love".

  • 1 decade ago

    That's an old one.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    funny...good to see the shoe on the other foot

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Good one.

  • 1 decade ago

    That is Funny! very nice.

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