why doesn't anybody ask kids who they want to stay with?

in a custody battle it's always the stupid judge the stupid lawyers the stupid ex husband and the stupid ex wife but the kids never have any saying on that, and I think the kids are the real victims,so why doesn't the kids have a saying on that?

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  • 1 decade ago
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    Frankly, that puts the kid in a very awkward position of having to choose which parent.

    As much as I dislike the current system, because it doesn't really examine character issues such as marital fidelity, it's better than putting a 5 year old boy or girl in the position of saying who he/she wants to be with.

    As kids get older, and have the ability to see how each parent loves or doesn't love them, and has the ability to discern between love and bribery, the child has more ability to make a sound decision.

  • 1 decade ago

    The judge does weigh in the kids when making a decision, sometimes. He may actually set up visits to record and see how each parent interacts with the children. Sometimes the children just want to be with the parent who they feel loves them the most, but at times that is not the better parent. You have to realize that children need stability, consistentacy, and love and attention. The better parent will be able to provide ALL of that. i am a product of divorced parents and the judge picked my father. My mom was not the better parent emotionally and financially. my father was. If i could go back in time and make a decision on my behalf I would have wanted it to work out the same way. My father is deceased now but he was a great parent, my mom not so good. She only really cares about herself. But I still love her.

  • 1 decade ago

    After a certain age, they do. Young kids usually just want to be with the parent that gives them the most, whether it's money, little discipline, etc, and the courts know there is so much more to parenting. However, kids over the age of 13 usually do better with their judgment on the parents and will quite often have a say.

  • 1 decade ago

    Kids are not victims of divorce. In many situations the parents consider their child's wish. So the issue is with your situation, not the world. You might want to approach your parents individually and express your feelings in a calm manner. Your post indicates anger. Not much gets accomplished when the parties are angry. Keep in mind you may not have it your way initially, but you plant the seed in the back of both their minds what your desire is. When a situation arises that needs a solution your feelings will be considered. Hang in there and calm down.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Because they can base their decision soley on who buys them more things or gives them more money, kids are not the best judge of character or who is the better residential parent, and in custody battles, this is how a lot of parents try to win and its BS.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Wow, did you get out on the wrong side of the bed today? Everyone seems "stupid" to you. Fact is that most judges do consider the wishes of the child and balance that against the best interests of the child and both parents' right to spend time with their child.

    Have a stupid day!

  • 1 decade ago

    Because kids are stupid, they will often go to whoever they feel like at that moment, not who is best for them. Children's brains are not fully developed until their late teens, to ask someone young what they want would be foolish.

    People need to keep in mind who is the parent and who is the child.

  • 1 decade ago

    Kids DO HAVE A SAY SO AT 14. Even if your parents divorced at 1month old, you get a say NO MATTER WHAT. IF THE OTHER PARENT(ex. father) WANTS YOU, YOU CAN GO LIVE WITH THAT PERSON(ex. father) even if you don't have a strong relationship (might be deadbeat dad/mom) and the person you live with now don't like it.

    Source(s): From a divorced family
  • 1 decade ago

    Adults, and worse yet, the legal system always think they know best (sometimes they do), but except for in extreme cases, like abuse or severe financial constraints, I agree that the children should be asked and taken seriously.

  • 1 decade ago

    THAT IS A GREAT ?. OBVIOUSLY THE YOUNGER KIDS CAN MAKE THAT KIND OF DECISION BUT I THINK ANY WHERE FROM 10 YEARS OLD AND OLDER THEY KNOW WHO OR WHERE THTEY PREFER TO LIVE. I WONDER WHY THERE HAS TO BE SOMEONE HAS TO GET CUSTODY WHY CANT IT BE ALWAYS A JOINT DECISION. HOPE A JUDGE OR SOMEONE WHO HIGH POWERS LIKE THAT READ YOUR ?

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