How obedient does an Islamic wife need to be?
I am a new convert to Islam. My husband who I married right after converting (after knowing him a year) was born a Muslim. After we married, and after I converted things have changed and he gets mad at me easily when I do things that are not to his wishes. I am a diving instructor, and well, I am planning to stop working soon, and to be a house wife, however he told me to stop. I hate being told what to do, and it just leads to a fight. I just wonder how much respect a Muslim wife deserves.
- ﷲAllah's SlaveﷲLv 41 decade agoFavorite Answer
Praise be to Allah, the most merciful, the most gracious...
First of all mashallah for converting to islam, may Allah would bestow his blessings upon you inshallah (ameen). And no offense but i dont like the way really how your husband treats you sister. Well im not bringing in any problems within you both but the prophet muhammed (pbuh) has said " the one who is the best to his wife is the best in front of Allah" , that just sums it all up that a woman (wife) must be treated gently and with full of care.
Well sister you dont have to live up to what all your husband demands, see what is the good and bad about his points.. analyse it for yourself. When he says dont gossip too much then you might consider thinking of whether gossiping is a sin (thats just an example btw)... Like to what i think a woman is not obliged to work while a man is, but then its totally up to you sister. The prophet muhammed (pbuh) is a man who treated his wife with the best respect and utmost love. There is hadith which im not really sure about, but our beloved prophet muhammed(pbuh) came to his house with excessive tiredness and his wife unaware of this came and leaned her head on his shoulders. The prophet asked does this feel comfortable for you and she said "yes". And she being tired slept over his shoulder. Our beloved prophet muhammed (pbuh) stayed in that position all night just because his wife felt comfortable that way. Subhanallah thats how a man is meant to be towards his wife and not get angry at her for every little thing.
By getting married you are not just getting a wife, you are getting your whole world. From now until the rest of your days your wife will be your partner, your companion, and your best friend.
She will share your moments, your days, and your years. She will share your joys and sorrows, your successes and failures, your dreams and your fears. When you are ill, she will take the best care of you; when you need help, she will do all she can for you;
When you have a secret, she will keep it; when you need advice, she will give you the best advice. She will always be with you: when you wake up in the morning the first thing your eyes will see will be hers; during the day, she will be with you, if for a moment she is not with you by her physical body, she will be thinking of you, praying for you with all her heart, mind, and soul; when you go to sleep at night, the last thing your eyes will see will be her; and when you are asleep you will still see her in your dreams. In short, she will be your whole world and you will be her whole world.
The best description that I personally have ever read describing the closeness of the spouses to each other is the Qur'anic verse which says: "they are your garments and you are their garments" (Surah Al Baqarah 2:187). Indeed, spouses are like garments to each other because they provide one another with the protection, the comfort, the cover, the support, and the adornment that garments provide to humans. Just imagine a journey in the winter of Alaska without garments! Our spouses provide us with the same level of comfort, protection, cover, and support in the journey of our lives on this earth as garments would do in the Alaskan journey.
The relationship between the spouses is the most amazing of all human relations: the amount of love and affection, intimacy and closeness, mercy and compassion, peace and tranquillity that fills the hearts of the spouses is simply inexplicable. The only rational explanation for these most amazing of all human feelings is that: it is an act of Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala, "And Allah has made for you Mates (and Companions) of your own nature ..." (Surah Al Nahl 16:72) Only our Almighty Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala in His Infinite Power, Boundless Mercy, and Great Wisdom can create and ingrain these amazing and blessed feelings in the hearts of the spouses. In fact Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala is reminding those who search for His signs in the universe that these feelings in the hearts of the spouses are among the signs that should guide humans to His existence as He says in the Qur'an, "And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves that you may dwell in tranquillity with them and He has put love and mercy between your hearts: verily in that are signs for those who reflect." (Surah Al Rum 30:21)
But Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala knows that the human heart is not a static entity, it is sometimes weak and at times dynamic. Feelings can and do change with time. Love may wither and fade away. The marital bond might weaken if not properly cared for. Happiness in marriage cannot be taken for granted; continuous happiness requires constant giving from both sides. For the tree of marital love to remain alive and keep growing, the soil has to be sustained, maintained, watered and nurtured.
Remember that our Prophet Muhammad Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam had found the time to go out to the desert and race with his wife Aisha. She out ran him but later after she had gained some weight, he out ran her.
Remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam took his wife to watch the young Ethiopians playing and dancing their folk dances. The show of emotions is necessary to keep the marital bond away from rusting and disintegrating.
Remember that you will be rewarded by Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala for any emotions you show to your wife as the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam said "one would be rewarded for anything that he does seeking the pleasure of Allah even the food that he puts in the mouth of his wife."
Never underestimate the importance of seemingly little things as putting food in your wife's mouth, opening the car's door for her, etc. Remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam used to extend his knee to his wife to assist her up to ride the camel.
Try to always find some time for both of you to pray together. Strengthening the bond between you and Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala is the best guarantee that your own marital bond would always remain strong. Having peace with Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala will always result in having more peace at home.
Remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam gave glad tidings for those couples who wake up at night to pray together. The Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam even urged the spouse who rises up first to wake the other spouse up even by throwing cold water on his/her face.
Always try your best to be good to your wife by words and by deeds. Talk to her, smile to her, seek her advice, ask for her opinion, spend quality time with her and always remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam said "the best of you are those who are best to their wives."
Finally, it is common that spouses vow to love and honor their spouses until death do them part. I do believe that this vow is good or even great, but not enough! It is not enough that you love your wife. You have to love what she loves as well. Her family, her loved ones must also become your loved ones. Don't be like my colleague who was unhappy about his wife's parents coming to visit for few weeks. He candidly said to her "I don't like your parents." Naturally, she angrily looked at him straight in the eye and said " I don't like yours either"... Also, it is not enough that you love her until death do you part. Love should never end and we do believe there is life after death where those who did righteousness in this world will be joined by their spouses (Surah Al Zukhruf 43:70) and offsprings.
The best example in this regard is the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam whose love for Khadija, his wife of 25 years extended to include all those she loved and continued even after her death. It was many years after her death and he never forgot her and whenever a goat was slaughtered in his house he would send portions of it to Khadija's family and friends and whenever he felt that the visitor at the door might be Khadija's sister Hala, he would pray saying "O Allah let it be Hala."
Anyway sister i just realised that is too long but then im sure it will help you with what you want INSHALLAH
- 4 years ago
All marriages evolve slowly over time but a sudden and drastic change in only one partner can make the other partner unhappy and nervous about the future of the marriage. It's not unusual for someone to become religious or more deeply religious once they have children. I wish I had a good answer for you but he seems to be determined to control how you appear to others. Normally I would suggest some sort of compromise in what you wear for the sake of getting along but it sounds like he wants it his way and his way only. If you haven't already seen the movie "Not Without My Daughter" based on a true story about a similar situation where a Muslim husband goes through a religious revival at great cost to his family I suggest you do now. Good luck. /
- ♥ terry g ♥Lv 71 decade ago
Your husband is not following his religion properly if he is treating you this way. He should be treating you as an equal and showing you love and respect. There is nothing in Islam that says a woman cannot work and must stay home. In fact, if a Muslim woman does work, her money is her own and she does not have to contribute it towards any household expenses. Do not blame your husband's attitude on his religion. You can attribute it only towards his ignorance of what the Qur'an commands of him, and possibly personality problems. A Muslim wife deserves much respect and if you are not getting it, you need to change your situation. I am a Muslim woman wit a wonderful husband who understands Islam, knows what the Qur'an says and knows how to treat not only me, but all of the women in his life. InshaAllah, your husband will either realize his mistakes and change, or you will make the changes in your life that are necessary to be happy.
- 4 years ago
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Once you see her, don’t hesitate. 10 minutes from now she might not be there or another guy might have beaten you to the punch. Plus, women can tell when you’re working up the courage to approach. Shyness might be endearing in movies and romance novels, but it doesn’t work in the real world. Approach right away, even if you don’t know what you’re going to say
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- SamanthaLv 61 decade ago
You are not his slave! Seriously, he shouldn't get mad at you just bcz things aren't to his wishes. Compromise is always the key to a good marriage... The respect should be both ways. There is an old saying "respect others and they'll respect you."
Anyways... are you quitting your job bcz he told you or bcz you want to?
Never in my life have I seen my parents getting mad at each other. Also, Islam says respect your husbands and do as they tell you... BUT it also says don't accept any cruelty.
So I guess the first one only applies if and only if the husband is not cruel.Source(s): I'm a Muslim...
- 4 years ago
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- Anonymous1 decade ago
May Allah Peace and Blessings Be Upon U sister (and the rest of Us) Amin,
To disrespect a wife is so so wrong. You both have rights over each other..U both are equal like brother MOHAMMAD said, thanks for bringing this up on Yahoo Answers!
Ok ...Now u are a convert and it will take time probably for u to adjust , ur husband should understand this.
EDIT: MashAllah brother MOHAMMAD has said quite alot!!
- Anonymous1 decade ago
I've heard of that same scenario happening many times. A woman is naive enough to marry a Muslim or devoutly religious man, and soon after the marriage, they learn the hard way, just what a domineering control freak their husband really is. Most of the time, it's not long before he starts beating the crap of them. They think their religion makes it okay. Women being considered less than a man is what draws a lot of control freak men to those religions. If you were smart, you'd get out immediately!
- 1 decade ago
Last time I checked Muslim women were considered property of men. If you are Muslim, you should know these things already. You should be researching the answer with real scholars, but in the end all that matters is what your husband believes because it's his version of the religion you are adopting, not your own. Study the religion empirically before forming any conclusions and commiting to it. My experience has been that spirituality is a relationship between an individual and God, no one else. Religion is about how people practice their faith and spirituality together, not about how one person can get another to do what they want or think what they think. In other words, it's between you and God, and no religion that requires you commit certain rituals at certain times of the day is goingt o change that. If you can't be born on a deserted island, or raised by animals, or be a paraplegic, or be deaf dumb and blind and still have a path to heaven, then it's probably not a valid connection to God.
- 1 decade ago
this is how I see it, don't mean to rain on your parade but I think you made a HUGE mistake marrying a Muslim, specially if you are independent and hate being told what to do. Muslim men are VERY SEXIST, I personally would never marry one but you should only give him as much respect as he gives you. DON'T LET ANYONE TELL YOU WHAT TO DO, respect and obedience are two different things, you can have respect for everyone but obedience, what are you some pet who must obey their owner? Just do what you think is right and whatever makes you happy if you want to obey him then do so and if you choose not to don't expect a long lasting marriage, perhaps you should have got to know him for longer than a year.