How do I find out who I am?

I was adopted when I was 6 weeks old. My biological mother was murdered shortly after. My adoptive family consisted of my mom, dad, and brother, who was adopted from another family. Mom had a brain tumor taken out when I was 3. They told her that nobody had ever lived more than 7 years after that procedure. She just celebrated her 34th anniversary of the operation, but she lived under that death sentence for as long as I can remember. I'm a small guy (5'9", 160), and my dad's a great big Ukrainian-Canadian farm kid, as are all of his family. My brother is a psychopath, who bashed my face into the corner of our tv set, leaving a scar right between my eyes, and pulled his first armed robbery when he was 15, and I was 13. Beat the crap out of me regularly, until I learned to fight when I was 14. When I grew up, mom was drunk all of the time, dad worked his butt off 12 hours a day, and complained that nobody else did enough, and my brother tried often to burn the house down.


I was the only one in all of my family to graduate from highschool, and got 2 university degrees. The day after I got my first one, dad told me I could wipe my butt with it, for all the good it did. I got a teaching job, moved to some of the scummiest places going, and didn't quite fit in with the other teachers. Young teachers are fairly arrogant, and I'm a humble person. I'm working in oilfield now, and don't quite fit in there either. I'm smaller than everybody else, and don't swear at the drop of a hat. The only thing that helps me feel I have a place in the world are my 3 sons, who all look and act just like me. My wife told me she loved me for 20 years, and then I found out that she screwed around with my best friend, several years back. Besides feeling lost, everyone who knows me says I'm the most happy, pleasant person they've ever met. Who the hell am I?

Update 2:

I'm not even half way into the story!

Update 3:

Dyakuyu, Polskiy Soldat!

Update 4:

I speak German, French and Ukrainian- just adds to the confusion.

Update 5:

Brian B- I feel very uncomfortable taking anything from anyone, that's why I don't feel anyone owes me anything

Update 6:

And it's not a case of forgiving anyone- I love them all. My brother got into crack a few years ago, and got stabbed by some bikers. They burned his car, and staked out his appartment. He went to live with mom, and when she left her place for a weekend, robbed her, and stole a car. He took off to Vancouver, calling me every so often, to say the bikers were still following him. He called me a week later to say he had 2 bucks in his pocket, no gas, and hadn't eaten in 2 days. I didn't even stop to think before I called in to Greyhound with my Visa, and got him a ticket to where we lived. I packed a bunch of sandwiches, gave him a pouch of tobbacco and a rolling kit, and took him to the nearest detox centre (4 hours away, because we live in north Canada).

Update 7:

PS- I was going to take him in, but my wife did research, and found that the best detox centre in western north america was 4 hours away. She made the snacks(and said "there's no way he's staying here") and off we went. He got his life on track, and thanks us for our response since then!

5 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    As you describe yourself: Your a loving father, Happy and thats all you need..... Maybe take a trip to a remote location and find yourself.. When I got back from Iraq, with the Polish Special Forces... I didnt exactly fit into the crowd in civilized life... I took a trip for 9 months, by myself on a sail boat... If you dont find yourself on the open sea for days on end... Then you dont have to worry... You already found yourself :)

    Well I hope that works out and much happiness in your life.

    Col. Piotr Patalong (Grupa Reagowania Operacyjno Mobilnego AKA GROM )

    -Deployed in Iraq for 2 years (16.1.2003 - 3.3.2005), Polish Special Forces

    BTW: Now I am a Independant Photographer (I discovered I love Photography while I was on my trip) and have a wonderful family with a wife and one daughter.... So my best advice is to take your sons or without them if you prefer, go to Germany, Switzerland, Sailing, or Canada since you live there or whatever you prefer and discover who you are without the distractions of the modern day world... Not for long just a month or two, or less if you dont need that much time... I was really lost and confused so I took 9 months off...

    ...nie ma za co :)

  • 1 decade ago

    You are worrying about the wrong thing, that is, it's so, I guess exestential (sp) is the word, it defies a good answer. You are whatever you are NOW, the past is over and there's nothing you can do about it except find your own peace with it. But that's much easier to do through God so you if you haven't found God in your life you should do that. You need to definately forgive everyone in your past for what they did to you. You can't move on until you have done this. The difficulty is that it's normal to feel that THEY should do something for you, but you can't control that, you can only forgive so you have the peace you need to leave the past in the past.

  • 1 decade ago

    wow. sounds like you had one hell of a life.

  • 1 decade ago

    stay the ****away from your family

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    ok i guess im doing ok then lol

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