Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 1 decade ago

So we're "taking a break?"?

He's in the military, long distance relationship now, but he'll be getting based 4 hours away from me in about a month... We've been together for about 7 months... But now he wants to take a break... He's saying that he's single, but not available, that he'll always love me, that I have his heart, and that he wants to get back with me after I'm 18 and it's easier for us to be together...

So for the past week we've kept talking, he's said "I'll always love you" before we say goodbye... but today he texted me saying I was getting kinda clingy... Which is a slap in the face for me, I just don't do clingy you know?

Any opinions? Advice? Insight into what he's thinking or why he needs a break?

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  • 1 decade ago
    Best Answer

    Guys don't like having to deal with guilt, because they're so "tough", god forbid they should let anything get to them. When guys want out/a break/any change in the relationship that will make you unhappy, they do this stupid little routine (which in all reality is entireley thier fault) to convince themselves they're not being a jerk. First, they lead you on by what they tell themselves they're doing - letting you down easy, saying stuff like "well, I'm single, but I'm not available, because I love you so much/ you're the only one that could ever have my heart,/ I'm sure we'll eventually be together again/ etc etc", cuz they figure you won't feel rejected that way, and they wont have to deal with guilt. But this plan backfires, because this sends the message that they dont actually WANT the break/breakup/change, and they're just torturing themselves with it, and really miss you and love you and want you to stay to true to them and being the loyal women we are, we DO stay true to them, and mantain the position we had in the relationship, when they really wanted space. So, now they freak out because they don't have the space they wanted and blame you for being "clingy", (even though you're just doing what they essentially told you they wanted) rather than taking responsibility for thier decisions, and telling it like it is, because that way they can convince themselves its your fault they did what they did, and thus they dont have to feel guilty.

    Sorry, I know that sounded cynical, but in my experience, thats the way it is. For being so "tough", (many- Not all!) men actually have incredibly fragile egos, (thus they ACT so tough), and they dont want to have to deal with any emotional difficulty, so they blame everything on you.

    What he did to you IS a slap in the face, but its not true that you're being "clingy", you're just giving him what he implied he wanted, and he's being a total asshole. There's two choices here, as i see it: One, knowing that his clingy comment comes from his own guilt and insecurity, and knowing what he really wants, you can give him what he really wants and see what happens,(but keep in mind that he's gonna keep doing this so you know whats really going on) or, the one I would think would be better to take: Dump him, since he obviously can't communicate, and more importantly, has no problem degrading and hurting you for his own selfish pride.

    I don't mean to sound mean, but it's also possible that since he's now starting to blame you for things,this may be a way to "let you down easy" if you can call it that, more like - keep blaming you for more and more stuff until he dumps you - that way he doens't have to feel guilty by just cutting it off cold turkey, he feels alleviated of guilt because "things kept building up", and "you saw them coming". Plus, he texted you this huge and direct blow, rather than talking to in person about it, in detail. Thats a coward's way of alleviating his guilt, and not a good sign for a relationship (even if it doesn't mean the end, it means he's a cowardly asshole). So, I'm not in the relationship- I dont know, but if you feel this is true, you may want to dump him first so that your self esteem is spared.

    Good luck, and I hope he gets what he deserves for treating you so badly, (No, im not saying i hope he gets hurt in the military).

  • 4 years ago

    Yeppers, I think it's some kind of conspiracy. Apparently Yahoo! must believe that if they have enough bugs floating around thier user-ware, Microsoft will give up their bid for a hostile take-over because they will see that purchasing Yahoo! isn't really worth it. After all, do we really need a Microsoft monopoly? Just a theory. There is another possibility also, Yahoo! only has one person looking after the board today since everybody called in sick because it's a concert day where they are at. Only one person to look into reports, recharge the system (Please wait while system recharges.) changing ink cartridges (Oops! We've run out of ink!) So if they stop the board while they take a potty break, or strap on an oxygen mask, they can keep up with the board easier. Then, there is of course another possiblilty, somebody just has their head up their butt and can't see the monitor! Dang, I gotta go take a breather now... *Darth Maul (Is really Eddie Chiles)* LOL!

  • 1 decade ago

    he is in the serviceand cantexperience the full efect of being places and at a whimmake a choice to do what the other guys are doing. He isnt in love withyou if he is wiling to do this. Its letting you down easy. At least he isnt doing it and lying to you about it behind your back to have a home port, he is breakingit off with you. Give him credit for that. Also if you are underage he can get into trouble being in the service for sure.

  • If you're not even 18 yet.....give him ALL the space he needs......you need it too, you just don't know it. I'd say he really needs some time to sew some wild oats....and you need to let him....he'll do it now....or he'll do it later with or without you...........you've got to let him get it out of his system...and this is his way of telling you he needs to. You need time to grow, as well....and experience life before you settle down. Do this for both of you......back off....if it's meant to be, he WILL come back. If not, well....it just wasn't in the cards....remember...there's lots of fish in the sea...an old saying..but oh so true! Love will come....don't rush it!!

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    this is the cowards way out of telling you that he wants to end it and see some one else but still have you in the back ground in case it doesnt work out with her. then he always has yoou to fall back on. i dont know about you but NO man would ever have that kind of power over me. not even if hell froze over. YOU are better than that piece of crap could ever hope for. you deserve a guy that is completely devoted to you and loves you more everyday. "i will always love you" what a cop out. if he loved you he wouldnt need a break in fact he would not even think about it. his next line to you will be i think we should see other people. get over him mate and know you deserve better. he is a fool

  • Anna
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    Military guys are always hard to date when your young. And that stands true for both sides. There is a lot of maturity that needs to go into that.

    Step back and live your life, don't worry about him. Worrying about him will only make you miserable.

    Source(s): My own experience
  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    taking a break is the easiest way to say he / she wants out... he is trying not to hurt your feelings. Wouldn't it be great if we were not afraid to say things the way we feel. I am sorry that this has happened to you... try looking at it as a new opportunity for you. LDR's are soooooo hard, anyway. Been there, done that.

  • 1 decade ago

    he isn't into you. if your underage, he could get in trouble. try to find out what he is feeling. ask, because you dont understand where he is coming from and admit it. relationships are built on trust and good communication

  • 1 decade ago

    In guy talk that means 'I am trying to be nice and let you down easy.'

    He is with someone else.

  • 1 decade ago

    tis hard when this happens.. he';s in the military.. and young relationships when one is in there doesnt really work out good.

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