I need feedback on a song I wrote...I am thinking of going professional in life with writing songs...?

How do you like this one I wrote? It's called "I Just Wanna Fly"

Something about you makes me want to smile

Something about you makes me want to walk every mile

Holding your hand and you're looking at me

Gazing at loves' awesome immensity

I was once lost but with you, I am found

Each day and night, I can hear that sweet sound

I just wanna fly to heaven

To hold you in my arms

And I wanna fly to heaven

To be surrounded in your love

This joy that you bring

Each song that you sing

Is why I am alive

Something about you makes me want to shout

Something about you tells me I have no doubt

This life I'm living is heaven on Earth

There are no words to say how much you're worth

Take gold and diamonds, they just don't compare

My wealth is knowing, each day, you are there

I just wanna fly to heaven

To hold you in my arms

And I wanna fly to heaven

To be surrounded in your love

This joy that you bring

Each song that you sing

Is why I am alive

Update:

Holding your hand and you're looking at me

Gazing at loves' awesome immensity

I was once lost but with you, I am found

Each day and night, I can hear that sweet sound

Bells are ringing, I am singing

I love you, I love you

I just wanna fly to heaven

To hold you in my arms

And I wanna fly to heaven

To be surrounded in your love

This joy that you bring

Each song that you sing

Is why I am alive

Why I am alive

Why I am alive

This something about you…

13 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    good yet reach out too

    It only takes 3 seconds to say " I LOVE YOU " , but all one's life to prove it

    What is love? it means care, in this way we should all love each other.

    Yet to find God it is a greater love.

    "True love"

    "true love" is a shelter/help for those find it. Without love, there would be no point to life, no hope, no God because the Bible says "God is love, and to love him with all our heart, and others as we love ourself".

    Love means many different things to different people. Some people say the words because they know it is what someone wants to hear.

    They say that they love, but with no lasting care to back it up, it just becomes a cheap thrill. How is that love? How can people use such a beautiful words to justify these actions, unless it is their excuse to to hurt/take advantage of another.

    For some it is loneliness and that bitterly lost feeling fill their hearts. Unfortunately in our world, many settle for this.

    People don't have to agree on the value and place of love for it to exist. Some ideas about love are wrong. Some people can search all of their lives for love, and never find it till they find Jesus. Others can live a lie thinking that they have found it when they have not.

    While others find Jesus love, then it is easier to find another that loves God too, and share true love with each other.

    Love is what it is because of the different ways we feel love exist. In relationship, love can have both a light side giving/caring and a dark side selfishly taking.

    When you give your heart to a person, thinking that they would never hurt you, you get married and fulfilled.

    or you are left with an empty feeling, and in a way it does kill a part of you. The side of love with the power to hurt makes us able to be hurt. These people use it as an anchor to protect themselves from emotions. Some people will even use it as an excuse to take their own life, trying to escape their pain. When Jesus waits with open arms to comfort us and be our best friend.

    For the people who do not understand true love, they get hurt and become weak.

    This is the power of love, and yet many still take it wrong. Love has a serious power, which is too often taken for granted. Love can be good or bad, if you do not respect love for what it is to others. Love can take many different forms and can even be deceptive.

    One thing about love is for sure; once you find it, you never want to lose it.

    Love fills our thoughts, fills our dreams, and can control our actions. No one can tell you what love is to you, because you have to find it for yourself, and define it through your own experiences.

    have happy day and love God #1, because Jesus will never let you down or hurt you.

    God loves us and proved it comming to die in our place, to offer His love & to be our friend.

    "For the wages of sin is separation from God, but the free gift of God is everlasting life through the love of Jesus." Romans 6:23

    Jesus speaks from heaven Revelation 1:1 chapter 1 verse 1 & 3:19&20 "I love you and ask you to repent of sin quickly. Behold I stand/I am at your heart door and knock to come in, ask me in and i will and be your friend."

    good prayer=toi keo ai vao long/trong tham tam Jesus (i draw you near to my heart Jesus), toi rat lay lam tiec/toi goi la

    co mac toi tay dinh (I am sorry for my sins) hay tha loi cho toi (forgive me) than voi (be my friend) amen

    happy day with God love, David :)^*^

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  • 4 years ago

    whats seems to be missing , is the rhythm and catch phrase or chorus of intent, as twisted is title, the only term used is in stanza:  5  he's sick and twisted  7  everything you should despise  8  it's like a recruit enlisted  5  he's your slow demise if that is chorus, maybe match metering and sound, ..

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    i think you should remove the word

    just

    ...

    fly to heaven

    or

    something about you

    is a better title

    i think....

    but hey it's your song

    there's so much love in ur song

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    hey, i really loved it..you should get it copyrighted..did you? I really enjoyed reading it and believe you'd make it as a song writer. Don't give up and keep knocking on every door. God will open your doors, just trust in him...

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FsgwfliQoqg

    Youtube thumbnail

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  • I could definitely hear this as a song. Nice job!

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  • 1 decade ago

    lyrics isnt everything u need to know how to sing also. anyways, it's very good u should write a rap song!

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  • 1 decade ago

    Its beautiful though I am not sure of the name. I love it. Its beautiful and good feelings. I copied it if you don't mind.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I didn't even have to read all of it! Its beautiful! How old are you have probably have a great career ahead!

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    make a video

    of it so we can get the feel and host it on youtube

    the lyrics are cool though

    best of luck

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  • 1 decade ago

    Nice you should definetly take it as a proffessional carreer! :D Like it v much!

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