Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 1 decade ago

10 pts....what do you think of this poem I just wrote?

Songbird (Bluebird 2)

Her song invites me

here for this day,

With the love I see

emotions that sways.

I've let her free

But she always stays,

My songbird pleases

but I hide love away.

I've opened the door

she doesn't understand,

That she has to ignore

those feelings and

not think about before,

This was never my plan,

I leave open a window

if she needs a hand.

She thought soulmates

with love she bestows,

My songbird hates

me letting her go,

Here secretly I wait

for her to be sure,

If it's not too late,

I'll wait for tomorrow.

Update:

It's suppose to be about a guy who lets go of a lady because he thinks she deserves better, and hopes that one day she'll come back

18 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Best Answer

    it is very good although I would change a few things to make it flow a little better, here are my suggestions below:

    Songbird (Bluebird 2)

    Her song invites me

    here for this day,

    Within our love I see

    Her emotions sways.

    I've let her go free

    But she always stays,

    My songbird pleases me

    as I hide my love away.

    I've opened the door

    though she doesn't understand,

    that I am letting her go,

    Putting it in God's hands

    She has to put aside

    those feelings and think

    take some time to explore

    forgetting those past love

    remembering she wanted so much more

    It was never my plan,

    to leave a window open

    or let her have the chance to walk away

    but if she loves me as I love her

    she will come back ready

    ready to truly love me one day.

    She thought we were soul mates

    with the all the love we bestow,

    My songbird dislikes

    me letting her go.

    but deep down I know its

    the right thing to do.

    she needs to find and love herself

    so then she can love me too.

    So Here i sit

    and secretly I wait

    for her to be sure,

    As I hope and pray

    I pray that she comes back to me

    ready for a great love to last

    a lifetime an eternity.

    I'll wait for tomorrow

    and when it comes

    I will hold on to her love

    and cherish her for years to come.

  • 1 decade ago

    I give it a 10.

    I know poetry usually comes from experiences. At least for me it does.

    Did this happen to you?

    If a girl actually walked away from someone as sweet as you sound then there is something wrong with her.

  • 1 decade ago

    Very good poem. I can kind of relate to this poem. I am like you not the girl though. But yea it sounds very pretty and it flows well.

  • ...
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    Amazing poem! Have a star!

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  • 1 decade ago

    A poem is a reflection of the poet. Wonderful.

  • 1 decade ago

    That is so sweet, if that comes from the heart, omg im gonna cry that was so good, i would tell u if a hated it, cause i love it! if i had to rate it 1-1000 id give it a 1000!

    -Syd Bird♥

  • 1 decade ago

    its real good i write poems too so i should know

  • 1 decade ago

    S'allright, yeah.

  • Mary P
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    Super nice one thank you for sharing.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    "Bluebird" was done by Paul McCartney and Wings on the album "Band on the Run".

    The Rat

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