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Please help me.. Guys pref- im in over my head.?

Okay had this very good friend.Family friends i became very close to him last year. i got emotionally attached. Ended up distancing myself from him cos i was too scared of falling for him. He is 'complicated' Has a reputution of breaking hearts etc-maybe he does it subconciously- i dunno- well we connected. He wasnt dating. We didnt do anything physical-since he didnt make concious effort to ask me out or tell me how he felt- i chatted about other guys to throw him off. Pushed him away so far into the company of another girl- ( younger) and i was cold towards him and he same to me. Gap increased- now we hardly talk. But theres these mad rumours going around that he is two-timing me with this girl and that i came between all his relationships in the past. etc etc. I feel like i need to approach him about it..

Update:

Ive put off for months- now its getting worse- I want to get it off my chest ao i can get closure

1.) he can play mind games.2.) he can go dark and moody and sometimes turn the questions around..( he does this when he is uncertain) i dont want to admit my feelings that i use to have i just want to know if he has been telling ppl that we had been going out- i want to do this without embarassing myself. how do i approach it. after 3 months i sms'd him to say i need to talk to him. he said we can talk tonite. should i do it over phone or in person. im so nervous- its like his a stranger now.

guys i need your perspective on this. same church same area similar circle of friends- so i see him every week. beyond my circumstances. - This is eating me up. I dont want to tell him how i feel- then i'd be too vulnerable- esp in front of him.

5 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    well for one you need to tell him that you really care for him and that you would like to be more than just friend. on teh whole subject of him two timing you with that other girl, talk to him first then talk to her and his best friend. if you talk to him about it try to do it in person because if its on the phone he can just hang up on you. i hope everything works out for you and ur guy friend.

  • 1 decade ago

    It should be a face to face meeting at maybe a food court at a mall. Ask him questions that you would ask a friend so that he would feel like he is comfortable with talking to a friend. Say that " Teal" is a nice young lady and that he is lucky to have her as his lady. If he says that she is not his lady then that opens a door. If he says that she is his lady then you can

    casually find out how long they have been together and if that time overlaps when you were "dating" him. With the mad rumors going around you may need a reliable source to show that you weren't making this up.

    One thing to mention, if you weren't dating him, is that you

    were afraid of losing him as a friend and that is why you didn't get too close to him.

    The last thing you should ask him is," Tell me how you feel about me". Don't hit him with yes or no questions and don't commit too early to your feelings. This line of questioning will open the door for him to express himself and close the window to you exposing your vulnerabilities pertaining to him.

  • 1 decade ago

    Well, I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 3 years +. We do have our arguments and quarrels about some of the most insignificant things. Regarding him flipping the script on you when having talks, I do that sometimes with my gf. It's sort of like a defense mechanism for me. As a guy, I do not want to be up against the wall/ropes and be proven wrong even if I am in the wrong.

    If this is eating you up (talking to him and trying to get closure), you need to just get it over with and do it. Ask yourself, do you still have the feelings you had for him in the beginning? Have you moved on? The fact that you still want to talk to him about this may mean that you still do, and, in that respect, you may not gain closure. Perhaps you are still looking for a way to interact with him and talk to him. Like you said before, you guys had grown apart and had stopped talking. Perhaps him making up rumors about you two is a way for him to get you to come to him?

    If you have feelings for him still, you need to tell him. If closure is what YOU WANT in the end, you will only achieve that if you tell him how you felt about him all those times before. If you don't, you will not feel any different because it is the fact that you know that he doesn't know for sure that you had feelings for him that is making you go crazy. Keep us posted and Good Luck!

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    People = complicated.

    Not all people though but sooner or later this dude is going to have to face his issues. It may - no, will most likely - take a painful situation for him to become aware of his issues. From there it's up to him to take responsibility for them and seek resolution to them.

    All obvious yes. But try and realize that he could be insecure about himself. Did he have a father? If boys don't have positive roll models in their formative years then you can be rest-assured there are gonna be things about girls they simply do not know or understand. THIS will make them afraid of woman. Ignorance breeds fear - unnecessarily.

    And that's just *one* piece of the puzzle. How many other levels of complication make up his psychology and character God only knows - literally. You said you go to church right? Well, ask God for guidance where he's concerned. In the Bible James 1 says that God will give us wisdom if we ask and he won't scold us for asking. Meaning he WANTS you to ask him.

    Don't be afraid of what the answer might be either. Ask him to help you with that as well (if you are afraid that is).

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  • 1 decade ago

    increase the distance and ignore the rumors, obviously this clown has some bad "mojo" working for him, somehow, somewhere...

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