Therapist for Marriage Woes whileTTC?
My husband and I have been struggling with TTC for over 2 years now, we suffered a m/c in Nov of 2007, and haven't had luck conceiving again yet. We just completed our first IUI cycle on Saturday and I am now in the 2WW.
My husband has some ED issues but no MFI (his counts are amazing). In having a discussion/turned fight on Sunday in regards to him not being able to perform Again, he finally admitted to me that ttc has ruined his desire for sex. He said that for the last 6 months, he cannot "finish" because he has no desire to do so, sex is not fun, exciting, or intersting to him". I was crushed when he told me this (as I knew it in the back of my mind, he just wouldn't admit it).This morning he tells me he blames me for the fact that I've been broken (PCOS) for a long time and had we done something about it before, he'd be a parent, that this is all my fault. My heart is so broken, as I feel like he's been lying to me and blames me for everything. Is counseling worth it?
- ~LuCkY~Lv 51 decade agoFavorite Answer
DEFINITELY!! It sounds like that is exactly what you need. Anytime the fun is taken out of sex, its hard for men to get to the end result! They need spontainety and excitement, not routine and time schedules. I'm sure he didn't mean the things he said, but was just upset and defensive because he felt his manhood was being challenged. A therapist could help you two come up with a compromise as the best way to continue trying to conceive, w/o taking all the fun out of it. Good luck!!
- Anonymous1 decade ago
This is a really tough situation - I'm sorry that things are not going as well as you'd planned. I can only tell you (while I've not be TTC as long as you) that it is a tough and stressful situation. We started TTC 8 months ago, and I truly (and naively) figured we'd get pregnant right away, so after a couple of months (and MULTIPLE pregnancy announcements from friends), I was frustrated when nothing was happening. I began picking fights with my husband, and got really frustrated when he wouldn't discuss the situation with me. We finally hit a breaking point, and I basically told him that I wouldn't continue to TTC at the risk of our marriage, and we had a great talk. Hurtful things can be said out of frustration, but the key is to be honest with each other (and not during a fight).... I came to find out that he is just as scared and worried as I am.... but all this time he's been holding it in.
- Anonymous5 years ago
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- 4 years ago
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- 4 years ago
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- VelkenLv 71 decade ago
Of course it is. You both have issues and sometimes its easier to blame than to work things out. As for the sex, talk to him. Ask him if he'd rather just have sex when one of you is "in the mood" or if he'd rather keep things like they are in the hopes you'll get pregnant faster. He can't have both. In your shoes I'd do something to spice things up and tell him you want to just have fun for a few months and take the stress and pressure out of the bedroom. If you two cannot be happy together without a baby, it will just get harder with a baby.
- Liz (TannerLv 41 decade ago
Counseling is always worth trying to save a marriage. When you two vowed to love each other, there were no children there and you still loved one another. Marriage is priceless, I would do ANYTHING to save mine if it were in trouble. You two have to find a way to reconnect because your IUI may result in a little one and things only become harder when you become parents. I will say a little prayer for you and your husband.
- MandiLv 51 decade ago
I think counseling is a good idea. I also think that maybe you should take a break from TTC for a while.
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