am I wrong?

I have....well had some friends that had babies around the same time as me, but I don't think they are good moms and I don't want to be friends with them any more. My boyfriend thinks that I need to quit thinking I am perfect (I'm the farthest thing from perfect and I will be the fist to tell anyone that but when it comes to my baby I want to be the best i can be and nothing less....not perfect though) he says I need to mind my own business and quit ruining or ending the friendships we have with other couples. Why do you think? Ok first here are some examples....

mama friend #1 smokes pot ALL the time, will put her daughter in the other room (her bedroom in her crib) while she does it but then brings her into the room when she is done DUHHH...

She uses the CIO method and will let her cry up to 2 hours

She has baby on 2% milk (9 months) even though i have told her she should stillbe on formula and if not then atleat **** milk for the fat.

will feed baby 2 8oz bottles back to back to

Update:

'shut her up'

when I try to give her advice or say 'I read this really great article you should check it out..." she basically tell me to f off that her baby is older then mine (by one month) and she is older then me then she knows better.....

Urghhhh..... irratiating

(i have called CAS so no lectures there please)

so how do I make him see that I am not ending my 'friendship' with her cause she isn't perfect like me but because of the reasons above?

Update 2:

I did call cps where I live it is cas and I did call and they did NOTHING! he does see they problem with the pot but we weren't there ever when that happens but I've been on the phone with her while she was doing it and heard the baby yelling, he thinks that I may be building the situation up to be more then what it really is, and also she is a friend of the family so he thinks that I will make things difficult for alot of people. but its not like I am going to call her and be like "I'm not your friend anymore, you don't take my advice so I don't like you..." I just wont answer her calls or be busy when I do so I can't chat for long....

Update 3:

Pam W

doing drugs in a babys home = INDANGERING A LIFE

not feeding a child properly= indangering a life

Letting your child cry for hours= indangering a life

It costs no extra to get **** milk over 2%, it should be no skin off you *** to step out side to smoke a joint so its not in your childs home (their safe place) and you as a mother get off your butt and get you child when they cry espically for hours at a time, you don't want to comfort a crying baby then don't be a mother!

Update 4:

Letting your child cry is NOT endangering his/her life. Giving the baby 2% milk is NOT endangering his/her life.

Those are your OPINIONS, but there's no factual evidence to support endangerment for those two scenarios.

Yes there is 'factual evidece'! letting your baby cry for HOURS is dangerous for their health as well as their selfworth and giving a 9 month old 2% milk they need the fat for proper brain development......

if you don't know these things I thnk you need to do some research!

I don't want friends that are going to raise there kids the exact same way I raise mine I want friends that care enough about there kids to do what is right for them. My closest two friends and I are all very VERY different but I don't feel that they are harming there children.....

these are not my opinions these are facts that parents should know before they are allowed to raise a child!

Update 5:

Penny p.....

if I was doing something potentially very harmful to my child I would think someone was a spineless coward for not saying something to me on behalf of my poor child that can not verbalize it on his/her own

people that parent their child like that and people that parent their child like me will not have the same outcome, chances are my child will be healthier for one and feel more secure and loved.... catch up to me in 20 years and lets compare.

And if I was to get P!$$ed of at someone for giving me sound advice with a logical explination and proof then I would assume I wasn't mature enough to be a mother! People give advice for a reason and either they are dumb as dirt or are informed. Either way if you aren't willing to take the time out of your life to look into it again maybe you aren't ready to be a mother.

Make all the mistakes you want and I will keep my mouth shut, chances are I wont even give a rats *** but screw up a childs life because of ignorance and

Update 6:

selfishness friggen right I'm gunna have somthing to say and if YOU wouldn't because is may be offinsive and is rude GROW A SPINE!

15 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    I'd be embarrassed to be merely acquainted with that sort of trash. There is a time and place for getting high, and that isn't it. Don't worry about ending the friendship.

  • 1 decade ago

    First off, everyone parents differently. If we ended our friendships because of these differences, NO ONE would have friends.

    My best friend has a baby who is 2, and 9 months older than my daughter. And we are two completely different type of mother. I practice "attachment" parenting like co-sleeping and wearing baby. And never the CIO method. My friend is much more modern, with using CIO and scheduling her. But, we are still very good friends. We just don't agree with each other on certain aspects....LOL

    That being said, I don't like the thought of smoking pot in front of an infant. Personally, I've been there and done that, and don't want to be around anyone who does drugs. Parent or not. So, if you want to stop being friends with this person, that can be your reason. Not, however, because you have different parenting styles.

  • 1 decade ago

    I'm assuming that this is just one "friend" you're talking about.

    Personally, I would never be around anyone who smokes pot or does any type of drug whether or not its around an infant (although that makes it worse to me.) God forbid they get busted and I'm around I would get busted too and that isn't cool since I wouldn't touch the stuff anyway!

    As far as the CIO method, a 9 month old should never be left alone for 2 hours. It usually starts in minute incriments, not hours. If you manage to "work up to" that length of time, the child shouldn't be crying any more!! It just sounds like she is too stoned or uncaring to deal with her baby.

    As far as the milk issue, I am pro-breastfeeding 110%!! I personally do not agree with her using cow milk, especially 2% since baby's needs for fat are different. I'm also not a big cow milk promoter anyway, but thats another story for another day.

    All in all, we both disagree with what this person is doing. Except for the pot, I don't think any of this (per se) is putting her child in danger. I would ask myself, "What is this "friend" bringing to the friendship table. Does she have redeeming qualities anyway? Have you been friends for years? Look at the whole picture. If she isn't bringing too much to the table, you have no obligation to her.

    I would stop bringing up your views about her parenting (or lack thereof) however. You wouldn't want someone telling you how to raise your child if you felt that you were doing everything correctly. That is just how things work, we are allowed the freedom to do what we feel is right for ourselves and our children.

  • chloe
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    I do agree with you, and I don't think you're wrong at all.

    But what it comes down to, is how you feel. If you don't feel right hanging out with these people, you shouldn't have to.

    I find I don't have a lot of things to talk about with some friends of mine who have become moms as well. I find some things they do incredibly wrong, and it's really hard not to say anything. And when I say something, they get offended. Like taking a newborn on a car ride with no car seat.

    The things your friend does, are dangerous. And it's not easy being friends with someone you have no respect for.

    Don't feel obligated just because they're friends of the family. You don't need to have a fight with her, just don't hang out with her anymore. You can find an excuse, that you just dont' have enough time.

    Good luck, I hope your boyfriend understands.

    Edit: In response to what Penny said, I think we have the right to make our own mistakes when it comes to ourselves, but when it come to children, we have to be more careful, and learn from other people's mistakes as well. We have no right to play with our children's safety.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Well... First off, now is the only time where you can actually control which "friends" your baby has. The people you hang with will influence your child in one way or another.

    That being said, I doubt there is one parent in this world who does every single thing the way YOU think is right. It is good for your child to see that it is okay to do things differently. We all parent differently and MOST kids turn out okay in the end.

    You have to decide which friends truly compromise your own values... letting kids CIO, giving kids milk early, etc seem pretty trivial--unless you are relying on them for child care anyway. To each his/her own.

    Now, if one is beating her kids or other abuse is occurring, that is different. The pot-smoking may be an example--if the mom smokes in front of the kid, I personally don't find that acceptable... And neglecting her baby is not okay.

    I sort of agree with your hubby... Maybe you never liked them to begin with? Are these your HUSBAND'S friends? In that case, go to the library, the park, or a mother's group to meet other moms more like you.

  • 1 decade ago

    The drug thing is pretty bad. NO mother should be doing drugs , OR father for the matter either.

    Some people say , 'oh i don't do it around them' or bla bla bla...but when you have a kid you have to give up things like that. And if the person doesnt i dont think thier ready for kids cause with kids you have to give up so much.

    but about the baby formula and stuff , they'll learn on thier own.

    One day somethings ganna go wrong and theyll come running to you. maybe soon , maybe in a few years.

    just dont worry about it.

    but the drug thing is bad .... I wouldnt talk to them either.

  • 1 decade ago

    No offence i dont think u have the right to tell ppl how to parent im sure theres things u do that i and others wd think was wrong we all do things in different ways but basically get the job done the same!!!

    You wouldnt like it if someone was telling u what u shd and shdnt do with ur baby u wd want them to leave u be to make ur own mistakes let her do the same!!!

    If you were my friend it would P**S me off big time

    Source(s): Mummy of 2 boys and a 9 week old baby girl
  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I think it depends. If you do not agree with some parenting decisions of friends, you should just accept the fact that they are not you, and you are thankfully not them either.

    Then again, when they are endangering their children, like the examples you described, you should decide for yourself if this is something you can live with.

    Obviously you can't, in which I thing you are completely entitled to severe bonds with these people.

    And on the mom smoking pot around her child...you might even want to think about calling child services, because that is just plain wrong.

    Good luck!

  • 1 decade ago

    your choice...smoking pot is wrong.. it endangers the baby bady and soul... and the choice of being friends with them is totally wrong...I think teh issue that your BF has is the fact that they are family friends.. and it will create complications. that aside as I said the choice is yours.. you can talk to him and explain that some things do not agree with you and cant be spending too much time with them or letting them in contact with your baby.... again your choice...

    As far as the CIO thing.. some parents do it.. WRONG form our perspective.. but who si to say what is right for them.. personally I dont agree with the techniqe at all... letting a child cry it out is not happeing.. but thousands of parents do... who says what si the right time period.

    PS: I would not be friends with the POT smoking mom... dont want that kind of influance in my childs house...

  • 1 decade ago

    I refused to take our newborn son to my in-laws' holiday get-togethers since there would be seven or eight people smoking in the house where we'd be spending several hours and I didn't want to subject him to it. It upset my husband, who insisted it wouldn't be *that* bad. "Of course it won't," I told him. "It won't be bad at all... because we're not going." I've stood by my decision despite the shunning it earned me.

    What's right is not always popular, and what's popular is not always right. Your job as a mother is not to be popular, but rather to do what's best for your child... and that includes not surrounding your baby with people whose choices may adversely affect him/her. Your boyfriend is free to seek out or avoid people whose company he doesn't enjoy; why shouldn't you be?

  • 1 decade ago

    Letting your child cry is NOT endangering his/her life. Giving the baby 2% milk is NOT endangering his/her life.

    Those are your OPINIONS, but there's no factual evidence to support endangerment for those two scenarios.

    Smoking pot IS unacceptable in MY opinion, but at least she has the sense to not actively smoke in front of the child - and hopefully she airs out the room.

    If CAS hasn't cited her for her parenting methods (I'm sure they will eventually for the pot usage), then barring drugs, she's got the right to raise her child the way she sees fit.

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