Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 1 decade ago

am i shallow, or is this normal?

i've recently become attractive (lost weight, total makeover), and although 23 have only kissed a guy once.. even when overweight though, i always had pretty 'specific' standards for a boyfriend.. i like them 'pretty', like leonardo dicaprio, or kevin zegers.. and pretty boys are of course many ppl's type, in high demand and usually shallow players.. its really important to me that the man i end up with is put-together, smart, loyal, kind, openminded, but i'm REALLY worried i can't find one i'm attracted to. ave. looking guys usually don't rely on looks and study hard to make something of themselves.. don't get me wrong tho, i have extremely close friends i'm not at all attracted to, so it's not a shallow ditz girl situation. but i'm physically repulsed when i think about being intimate with someone i'm not attracted to, whose not 'my type'.. is this a phase? will i become physically attracted to someone who is compatible with me in time if i give them a chance? or should i hold out for a guy who meets my standards AND is attractive to me? i must say my type is rare with those qualifications, i've only had 4 major crushes in my life.. do you think my lack of experience was b/c i was fat and never got to get the 'hot boyfriend' phase out of my system? i don't want to have a cold marriage that is right on paper.. but i also don't want a marriage with a guy who is a player and will cheat or have an affrair..

btw just to add, i'm currently getting my masters degree in architecture, and am fun and outgoing, so as long as there's chemistry, i don't think wanting the whole package is out of my league.. please shed some light on my situation, thank you!

3 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    I am guy, and guys don't fit into specific standards.

    How do you get your information?. 'High demand pretty boys are usually shallow players.'; oh boy...

    If your worried that you can't find a man your attracted to, maybe it's not who you want, but rather what you want. Mr. perfection has his flaws, but please don't exclude anyone as average.

    Attractiveness is subjective, o.k.

    Sometimes people will grow on you and the physical will never outweigh the animation of the body.

    One of my general rules:

    Don't be intimate with someone your not attracted to, unless of course, your willing to override this rule for whatever reason.

    First you must decide what "your type" is. I also think your 'qualifications' are not rare, but rather your attitude is rather pessimistic and should be optimistic. i.e. "When I meet my soul-mate" etc.

    Crushes are not love don't confuse that. Also, FYI, slightly overweight people are not unattractive, thus, I don't think this has anything to do with lack of experience or a 'hot-boyfriend' phase. Natural charm will help your positive attitude with people and school is a great place to meet people.

    You sure seem to be positive about chemistry and architecture, you stated "i'm currently getting my masters"; not "maybe if i get my masters"; you could do well to have the same attitude towards meeting someone. i.e.

    "When I meet someone I like"; not "If maybe I ever meet someone like-able that meets my up-to-the-minute qualifications." Then, maybe you'll lighten-up and be somebody worth meeting and that person you find will be beyond your expectations.

    Have a good day:)

    Source(s): just little ol'e me
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  • 1 decade ago

    I think hono785 is right. But I would like to add, that you probably should be friends first. Passion and attractiveness is a wonderful thing, but it is nothing to try to build a relationship on.

    Let yourself be attracted to the whole package.

    I wish you well.

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  • 3 years ago

    They see tremendously women with good-looking adult males and desire the comparable element. they do no longer decrease their standards only via fact they're much less beautiful, as they should no longer. the comparable question could be asked in direction of adult males.

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