Can someone help proof read this? How does the letter sound?

I there are paragraph indents but they dont show. how does the letter sound?

August 18,2008

To whom it may concern:

I am writing this letter explaining my reason for my request for special admission and why I believe I should be considered. I am an 18 year old women that is very determined in my success in life. I have had a few ups and downs during my adolescence as have many at my age. A lot of my struggles had to do with overcoming addiction. I have fallen a bit behind in my studies, which I regret immensely. I attended at the Education Center from 2006/2007 exclusively, and I did very well. I got pregnant near the end of the 2007 school year and I then stopped attending school consistently due to the intense stress I had put on myself. I was still registered at that school and I attended very rarely. Most of my attendance was for the Buddha Bellies class that they had for young pregnant girls.

Throughout my child hood and youth I have enjoyed learning and feeling that sense of achievement when successful in my education. I have always done my work to the best of my ability. I am a very open minded and willing student with a bubbly personality. Teachers seem to enjoy the positivity and maturity that I bring. The reason why I am applying to go to UFCV is because I want to succeed and complete my education. I have come to realize that I need structure in my life, and at the Education Center was not doing it for me . I feel I need to be in a class room setting where I am taught, other wise I will find other things to do. Being a mother and a house wife is a lot of work!

I have a lot of goals in my life, I want to be able to provide a stable life for my daughter. I want to give her the world and I know I can achieve that by completing my education. My future career goal is to become a family support worker, or social worker. Something that helps bring families together and keep children safe and happy. I know that allot of contemplation is used to determine ones admission, and I understand it can get difficult. If my request is successful, I can guarantee that I will do the best I can to show you that I was worth it.

Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely

Jane Doe

2 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    I think it sounds very good except for a few misspellings and incorrect grammar.

    1. You are a woman, not a women.

    2.I would reword the sentence, "I have come to realize I need more structure than the Education Center can provide for me at this time."

    3. " I know allot of contemplation..." should be a lot.Spacing is needed between a and a lot.

    4. In the first sentence, very determined to succeed in my life is the correct way to word it.

    5. I would reword "attended at the Education Center" to attended the Education Center. The at is unnecessary. I do not see any other mistakes, feel free to email me if you have any more questions. Overall it sounds great!

    Source(s): A's in Eng 111 and 112 in college.
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  • 1 decade ago

    it's A LOT not allot

    but other then that,

    great=]

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