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Why am I feeling so depressed?

why am i so depressed. i come home from work, from my summer job, and i love working their. until somebody recently told me something mean, one of the workers, was yelling at me cause i was really slow, at something new. this is my first job. but im pretty sure im not really crying cause of this incident. im just a teenager, if u all are curious. and i come home today and imagine depressing thoughts of myself, like examples of depressing thoughts, like getting fevers, and like running away from social workers. i dont know what up with me. i just even though im not really sad, i want to make myself cry, i am playing this song over and over again:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l08i4UKxols&feature...

and i just "want" to feel sad. i just wanna feel hopeless and misrable, i dont know why. i jus twanna cry. i have many emotions iunside of me that i built up, but this is not it, i just wanna force myself to be depressed, and its working.i just wanna feel empty inside, and in my head imagine all these depressing thoughts like im in depression in my head and misrable in my world. i dont get these feelings of confusion often, but i just feel like i "need" to be depressed. crying, and for nothing. maybe cause i wanna feel a bit more loved, and feel it from work, and whewn they scold me i feel like i lost everything in my heart. i just want to be someones special little one. not like a boyfriend thing. i just wanna mean something to people, like being the little sister of the crowd, and thats how i feel when i go to work, like the littler sister, and i love being prasied, but when the people i look up to the most dont praise me, i feel so sad, becasue i felt like the little child, the little girl in my job for these first 2 months, and i dont want it to stop. maybe im in depression, becasue im never hungry and i dont eat, ive eaten at least one meal or nothing, really badly this month, and have for a while know, im in no appetite of eating even when im hungry, i feel like, i searched up the depression stuff im not "saying" that i have "depression" i just used their examples to tell you how i feel.

i purposly wanan feel sad and hopeless it "is" working ,and i do feel this way,many times.

i get irritated almsot everyday vry easily, and get angry easily know very often.

im forcing myself to cry.

i dont spent time with family, want to go outside, and the friends i have at school know i want to leave them, ad lock them sway from my life, but am afraid too becasue i dont want to be completly alone, and the reason i say i dont wanna be with them, ebcasue i dont feel like they appreciate me and i dont want friends like that. rather be friendless than have fake friends..

i dont play outside, casue i have no friends to go outsdie with. i guess i dont do many things i liked anymore, casue i have no cofidence in myself.

im trying hard to get a sleeping routine right know, but im always sleepy and tired, and liek to go to bed very late at night.

i dont have motivation for school, or anything, the only motivation i have is for work, and my work is giving me the motivation, and i dont want to loose it, i wanna do good in school just so i can have more time ot work at my paet time job, where people have praised me the most for doing a good job, for my entire life.

im always fatigued, i almost have no energy after 5 or 6 hours of a day, no matter the time i go to bed, im always tired.

until school ended this summer, i went to school late almost everyday out of lack of wanting to go to school, becasue i hated it so bad, and i coulkdnt concentrate on my hw, in my opinion casue i have ocd, but it has not been distinguised by a doctor, it is my own diagnosis of myself, whivh my om thinks im crazy for.

personally i know this might sound like im depressed, haha! but sometimes when im mad at my familly, and we get in a fight, sometimes i yell going out the stares! " I JUST WANNA KILL MYSELF" than i hear my mom in the background, that crazychild, what is she htinking,

i dont know how this connects to my question, but can someone tell me what the hell is wrong with me. please. why am i forcing myself into misary. and btw i love telling u my feelings, becasue writing them out to other people to read makes me feel happy. so please bare with me. thank-you for reading about my problems.

Update:

the song i was listening to was becasuse i need inspiration for more tears.

Update 2:

but just in case if i suffer depression, i told my mom what "if" i have depression. " she says common dont be stuoid, depression is an illness and u need medications, u saying ur depressed and wanna take meds and go crazy." when im i feel sad though, i dont know why my family says its just a teenage phase though, its so annoying!

4 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Seek counseling -- suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Based on some of your other questions, I think you have a tendency to make mountains out of molehills. Try looking at the bigger picture of life. You said so yourself -- you're just a teenager. You're trying too hard to be an adult, & going after it too soon. Slow down & accept your limitations. I don't think you should even attempt self-diagnosis. I don't believe you have OCD or ADD -- you seem to have hypochondria. ~:|>

  • 5 years ago

    Yes kind of that... You made a good question. I can apply it to my self, in earlier time... If you have experienced a boring environment or whatever, bad friends and that you seeem to end up in problems etc time after time, then you could have been mentally numbed in a way you forget that the way you live, is not a good one. If you have struggled and it has become a steady pattern. You should be glad, you should feel comfort, you be happy and laugh, you should love someone and be loved. If a person has been this "numbed", it can take some time to re-gain the open consciousness about it, it may start with more or vivid dreaming and nervousness etc. It is, now for you, a step in your life, an insight, at least insight that you want or should need more insights. Once you have this awareness, you may still think that you don't know what to do. Then just think, I don't know what and how but I wish I can. That you have to kind of reprogram yourself. And since the solutions may not be there not, to reprogram the vison of paths you would want bla bla bla (!) Even if you don't feel depressed, think technically then, the way you live, is it a way that will lead you on, or are you standing still? care to tell more?

  • 1 decade ago

    Um, hello, go to the store and get yourself some SAM-e, it will helkp you with all of these negative feelings and help you to feel better, like life is worth living, and you won't get wrapped up in making yourself cry and keeping yourself in a depressed state. Start out with the 200mg, they are available from Nature's Made, look up their web site and find the product. It really will help you feel better. Good luck to you.

    Source(s): HCP
  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Hi there I have a website that deals with depression, you might find it useful, there are some good links there too.

    http://www.dream-life-coaching.com/

    Good luck

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