how do you move on from this!?!?

so... this is a long story but i will try and keep it short with just the details.

Background info: I got married last august. My family is VERY wealthy so before i got married my parents wanted to make sure my hubby wasn't just getting married for the $$ (plus i was the first child to get married).. so my parents checked around about my hubby -phoned and asked his parents stuff....

anyways last week i found emails on my hubby's yahoo account from when we were engaged to about 3 months after we got married. These emails were to numerous girls asking if they want to 'hook up'...

I confronted my hubby about this and he said that he didn't hook up at all and he was just stressed from all the stuff my parents put him through before the marriage. I am hurt before i didn't have anything to do with what my parents did to him!

I want to beleive him that he didn't do anything..but i still have doubt. how do i get over this and not let it ruin my marriage.

(he deleted his yahoo account for me)

Update:

i emailed one of the girls he wanted to 'hook up with' and she said the never did anything (only talked..)

but there are still like 4 other girls..so i don't know what to do. i emailed them too, but haven't heard anything back.

Update 2:

he was going on the computer late at night (with the lights off and the door shut) so that made me wonder. He gave me his password so i didn't break into his emails.

I found out he was being 'sneaky' because he was planning our 1 year anniversary trip to suprise me. =)

Update 3:

ashleymp- i didn't know what my parents were doing.. i was happy planning a wedding. i only found this out a while ago.

28 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    You inform him to not ever pull anything like that against you again. If you feel that he is over his stress and understands to walk the line then you both work on this issue together. If you feel that you both could use some marriage counseling to get the skills on dealing with outside situations then it would be a wise choice to do so. I would be very devastated and upset to if I found out this kind of information also. If he was having a hard time dealing with your parents he had the choice to deal with it differently. The way he went about his stress over it was wrong toward you and unacceptable and now you see why your parents were concerned. I would not tell my parents about this because then they will not care for him if he straightens up with you. But.... never tolerate any excuse from him acting out this way again or you will be gone.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I wish I had parents like yours . They were checking on him in your best interest .

    I don't know why you even have to think about this. What he did was wrong. What does your parents checking up on him have to do with him doing what he did.

    If he didn't like your parents checking up on him I would think the thing to do would be to dump you and move on. Not go on line looking up female companions.

    He wanted to hook up with them. Weather he did it or not doesn't matter. He wanted to! So what if he deleted his account. He can always get another one. Or worse yet just find someone at work , after work or anytime.

    What you did was not wrong! He got caught and he was in the wrong. The point is can you trust him! Or will you get suspicious and wonder every time he is late at work, goes out after work, see's a pretty girl, he gets another account and won't let you have the password, or he hides his cell phone from you. Once someone does something to you that takes your trust away it is very hard to get back.

    I hate to say this but I would be going to a divorce lawyer. The fact he wanted to hook up with them would be reason enough for me. No excuse is acceptable for cheating. Best of luck to you.

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  • ?
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    Oh Girlie, I sure hope you got a pre nup. He doesn't sound like a man in love with his wife when he should be head over heels with her. All I see are RED FLAGS!

    Don't email the other ladies, they have no clue whats going on. Concentrate on your hubby. All I can tell you is keep your eyes open and watch what is going on. How sad that you have to start your marriage without trust.

    If you have no children I would seriously consider leaving the man. There are so many men that wont cheat (writing emails to other chicks is cheating) and will treat you very very well.

    Good luck to you

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  • JC
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    Hmph...he got caught and then instead of fessing up, he put the blame on your parents. Typical.

    I can only hope you made copies of what you found. By no means does any person in a committed relationship have the right to even attempt to hook up with someone else. He has taken your trust and basically sh*t on it.

    You get passed it by talking. Communication. But if he continues to throw the responsibility of his actions on your parents, the effort isnt gonna get very far.

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  • 1 decade ago

    he was just stressed from all the stuff my parents put him through before the marriage.

    What a crock. Baby.....don't you find it amazing that he's shifting his indiscretions off to the side and in essence saying "I wouldn't have done this if it weren't for your parents".

    Sorry....you married a liar. And a real lousy one at that. Not to mention a man who has dignity and honor will swallow his pride and admit the entire thing was his fault. No one put a gun to his head. And think of this....if he was 'stressed' enough by your parents to lay the ground work for infidelity...why would he be unfaithful to you? Why not talk with you and then confront your parents with his concerns?

    Nope...plain and simple. He had every intention of screwing around on you and can't even admit to it other than blame your parents for his low morals and juvenile behavior.

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  • 1 decade ago

    That's a ridiculous excuse to use. Stressed out by the in-laws? Try hooking up with hoochies. What a retard. He screwed up major & instead of being a man & admitting he was wrong he has to find SOME way ANY way to put it on someone else. Like yeah I did it but it's YOUR fault. I really hope you're not going to let him get away with this & I hope you have a pre-nup.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    1- The exucse he gave you is jsut that an excuse

    2- he didn't delete his account for you, he got caught, there's a difference.

    3- cheating or not, it's the intention behind it.

    4- I would be very scared of this man, from this he looks like anything he does that's wrong he'll blmae it on you. Watch out, that's all I have to say!

    Source(s): Catholic Girl
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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    First of all, his excuse is pathetic. Doing that is a choice not a mistake. He chose to email those girls and it had nothing to do with your parents. Cheaters will ALWAYS put the blame on others and try to get the attention off of themselves.

    You need to stop trying to contact those girls cause it just makes you look crazy. It sucks, I know.

    People do make bad choices just like he did and people can change but make sure he is willing to do whatever it takes to change. If you don't feel one bit right about it, leave him.

    Source(s):
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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    It concerns me that he did this while you were still newlyweds. With that said, my husband has done the same thing. Some of the girls I have contacted said they went all the way, some say they never met. He of course says they never met. You will never know the truth. Either believe what is easiest to live with or move out. You should take away his privledge of privacy and continue to snoop. Talk with him about this and ask him to earn your trust back. If this behavior continues, it may be time to cut your losses...

    Source(s): Personal experience
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  • KSR
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    It is normal to feel the way you do. Since he is so sneaky he has warned the other girls as far as you emailing them. Maybe he didn't do anything but everything points in that direction. You two should seek marriage counseling and try to focus on the positive aspects of your relationship.

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