I want more children but my husband doesn't?
We already have two wonderful children, girl age 6 boy age 5, yes very close 1 year and 3 weeks apart. For awhile now I have been suggesting us having another child. He is so straight forward that he doesn't want any more, he feels 2 is more then enough, considering we have one of each. He has stated that if we had of had 2 boys/2girls we would have tried for more but because we have one of each he doesn't want any more. We were young when we started, it wasn't planned in anyway but they were both very welcomed by us both, we were scared but we managed. He keeps saying that we are finally getting financially ahead and with us having another one it will put us right back at square one. He then says are you unhappy with what we have, I am not unhappy in fact I am very happy with my family. Our children are both healthy and happy, well most of the time, they seem to get colds alot but that is normal. He has said that because our friends are just now having children that I just want one because everyone around is having them now, but I don't feel that is the case. I really don't know or have a reason why I want another one but I just do. I admit I kinda bug him about it, and even though I am on the pill there are times when I wish i wasn't, but I would never do that to him and he does know that. So there is no worries that I'll do it on purpose, but if it happens by accident then I'll be happy. My questions is even though I am happy with that I have should I feel guilty about wanting another child even though he doesn't? Should I let these feelings of wanting another go just because he doesn't? Should I continue to ask him if he wants another, even though his answer never seems to change?
- EveLv 51 decade agoFavorite Answer
Every child should come into the world with a loving family and TWO parents that want him/her. If your husband doesn't want another kid then you need to accept that and move on. Even if you do talk your husband into having another kid, he would only be doing it to make you happy. He doesn't want another kid. That's a bummer that you and your husband don't agree on the number of children to have, but you need to respect his decision. Having a child is something you both need to 100% agree on.
- mr pickleLv 71 decade ago
I picked up on the fact your kids get a lot of colds which is normal as you say. But maybe it is not normal. This may rub you a little but be a demand that your kids do not get colds. They may get a couple colds but far from a lot. There is no reason for them to be miserable. Get to the source of where the colds are coming from and nix it! Then maybe your hus. will want another child. It is amazing when you tackle something other than what you think you want you end up with something different than expected, like your husbands ok to have another kid. Take the energy away from bugging him about another rug rat. He has some valid points but he also may not enjoy all the sickness that continually shows up. I bet he would like another to be honest.
- ~Charity~Lv 61 decade ago
If my husband were reading this he would think that I wrote it. Too funny. I too want another, and have a 5 and 6 yr old, boy and girl. My friends are now having babies and ours are growing up. It makes me sad. He says that we have enough and would like to adopt later if he has the urge to have more...but I don't think he ever would. It was suggested to me, by my doctor today that I will need a partial hysterectomy...I am crushed. It looks like I may not have the chance anyhow.
I am sorry that you are in your situation, I DO understand. But having a baby w/o your husbands blessings would be wrong, and I think you know that. I would casually bring it up from time to time but don't keep on him. When a child comes along, you kind-of find a way to provide. Good luck.
- EducatedLv 71 decade ago
This is something couples must discuss BEFORE marriage. You should have know how many kids he wanted and how many you wanted to know if you were compatible in the first place!
Do not have more kids since he is against it. If you accidentally get pregnant it would NOT be a good thing. He clearly would be upset about the 3rd child.
All you can do is bring it up next year and hope for the best. If he keeps saying no then be satisfied with what you have. Another child could destroy your marriage since he is so against it.
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- "Arkie Mom"Lv 61 decade ago
He is happy and you seem like you get back to being content with it. You sound like a natural mother and that is great. I let my husband decide how many that we would have(3) because most of the time in our twenty two years he has been the soul income. I tend to agree that two is easier than three but l did want three. Working with other children could help fill that void. I hope that you do consider your husbands feeling because they are just as valid. I hope everything works out for both of you.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
There have been times in my life where I wanted to have a whole bunch of kids, but since finding out about overpopulation and stuff, I've decided to stick to just two (to replace my husband and me). Then if we want to have more, I would like us to adopt.
Maybe if your friends are having babies, and you really like babies, you could learn how to be a doula. Then you could be there for many births. Maybe you could be one of those people who get to be the first babysitter, or you could just be a babysitter in general. Having lots of kids around is really fun. Why not try that?
You should not feel guilty for any of your feelings ever. They're just feelings, and it's better to acknowledge them than to not. However, if you push your husband into having a kid he doesn't want, he could have some resentment about that. Having that feeling is OK, though.
- momof3Lv 51 decade ago
Well he does have a point w/finally becoming financially ahead..especially in todays economy... both should agree on it, if not you should support his decision and perhaps a few yrs down the road he may want to ....right now, can't say i blame him whatsoever...
- Sabrina KLv 51 decade ago
To you, your family is not complete but to him it is. I think that you need to sit down (two of you together) and write down the pros and cons of having another baby. You just don't seem like your complete with your two children and want another one. If you go with his wishes you may always feel as though you are missing something. I have a friend that went threw this same thing until she had another baby. Best of luck!!
- 1 decade ago
I stop at number 3
- 1 decade ago
you have two kids already, don't do anything drastic to trick him into getting you pregnant again or he will leave you
....but also, if he really didn't want kids he should be responsible enough to get a vesectomy or at least use condoms-- protection is everyone's responsibility! and if you do get pregnant then you can bring this up in defense
maybe you should get a dog