Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 decade ago

My Wife is a stay at home bum that doesn't have SEX with me!?

I was wondering if you could help me fix a problem or actually fix my marriage. There are several things that my wife does (or does not do for better terms). We have been married for 2 years and my wife does not work full time. She is a part time designer and gets odd jobs from her father (who owns a company), she gets paid well for the jobs that she does, but she makes less then minimum wage when you put her salary into perspective since there are a limited number of projects needed for her to complete. I do not make enough money to support the both of us, but we are both subconsciously waiting for her father to shower us with his money even though we don’t speak about it to each other. The second thing she does not do is have sex; our sex life consists of having sex every 2 months. We are newlyweds and I don’t think this is normal. She wakes up late in the afternoon and doesn’t cook or clean without me; she basically waits for me to come home before she does anything. Also, I do not see my friends or family without her tagging along, so my life revolves around her as well. I do not even speak with my parents or brothers or sisters without her. I need some help but don’t know what to do. I also would like to add that she doesn’t look for a real job and she thinks her website will attract new clients but she is the 200th or more hit on a google search. She is scared to work for people because she doesn’t know how to interact with people and the last job interview she had was a bad experience and she doesn’t want to go through that situation again. Plus we live in the project buildings and she likes to go on a lot of vacations because she said she needs a break from working so hard. I work two jobs and I feel that we can’t afford these vacations and when I come home there’s no dinner and no physical interaction in bed as well. I love her but I don’t want to leave her what should I do 2 years running can I hold out for another 30 years???? As well i told her about getting a job so we can afford these vacations and she told her mom and her mom told me that in the bible the man takes care of the wife...and yes her mom is divorced from her dad for like 15 years now HELP!!!!!

Update:

Thank you for your quick responses and yes this is FOR REAL...thank you for your answers everybody and the support.

Update 2:

TL - why should i give you $300 what can you do what my wife is already doing to me ...

NONA - Reason why the divorce rate is HIGH? is because ppl like you don't finish reading the paragraph if you read my stuff again i dont want to leave her i am herre for the long run.

I asked for advice not be ridiculed

34 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Sounds like my wife. We have been married 12 years. We had fun before marriage, then dud on the honeymoon and ever after. A few times a year not uncommon. We have 2 kids by some boring planned procreation. She hasn't worked in 10 years. She belongs to a tennis club, does some volunteer work, sits in the jacuzzi, and does laundry. No cooking, cleaning, s*x, or any interesting discussion. Doesn't like to hug or kiss or talk. She's beautiful, like christy brinkley, with a chunky butt. I'd love to kiss it and/or smack it every day. She's perpetually crabby.

    I heard from a guy on YA that he had the same problem, but fixed it by ignoring his wife for 8 months. At month 8, she snapped, and has been giving him s*x ever since. I'm trying it... I'm on month 6. It's sort of fun. I put beer in the garage and i hang out with my guitar every night. I started treating my wife like an object that I didn't care about. Sometimes I can't see her or hear her. It's fun. She deserves it.

    I'd be glad to talk to her if she talked first.

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  • 1 decade ago

    If you guys have been married for 2 years, how are you still newlyweds? Seems like you are in a very unhealthy relationship. If you dont make enough money to support both of you, you should explain this to her and encourage her to get a real job - not wait around for her father to give her work. Your wife is clearly dependant on you ("She wakes up late in the afternoon and doesn’t cook or clean without me; she basically waits for me to come home before she does anything") Her mother is living in the pioneer age, yes a man should take care of his wife, but she shouldnt be 100% dependant on him to do everything, WOMEN DO HAVE JOBS THESE DAYS! You need some counselling and some real organization in your marraige or you will just end up being even more miserable than you are now. GOOD LUCK!

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  • 1 decade ago

    It sent shivers down my spine when you mentioned the Bible has been used to describe her behavior.

    I get a bigger picture of your wife now. It's a religious point of view, huh? That keeps her thinking that you are the bread winner and that you should be the only one working for money while she does NOTHING around the house... That's not right, I stay at home, but I work in my home to keep it clean and to cook for my husband. We both work in different ways.

    Try this:

    Deut. 24: 1

    1 When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house.

    Tell her, the Bible does not lie and that you can't live this way much longer. Tell her you feel dissatisfied with her, but justified by the Bible to do as it says here.

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  • 1 decade ago

    She sounds very co-dependent. I've become a little like that myself since losing my full time job. Not weird things like being connected at the hip but smaller things. Anyway, have you talked to her about keeping your affairs private from her mother? I talk to my mom about everything but she's helpful, not judgmental like your wife's mother sounds. Your marriage is between the 2 of you, not everyone else. You should be able to bring up your future with her & ask if you can get on track with a plan. I sat around a little too long being bummed out at the job market but now we're really talking & putting a plan in effect. Is she fully aware of how you feel? I have a hard time believing that she knows ALL of your grievances & just refuses to do sh!t about it.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Sometimes some things are not worth fixing. You appear to be a very nice person and a very committed person who will sacrifice their happiness to make your marriage work. From what you wrote your wife is taking you for granted. You need to lay down some rules and really she has to step up or you walk out. You are not a millionaire so what is she expecting. At the very minimum she should do house work and cooking. Another thing as well, bible advice is no longer relevant in this century. We are now in an age that required both partners to work. So her mum is giving your and your wife rubbish advice. Her mum should be helping her be an independent woman who can support herself and then her husband. Her mum should be asking her to do house work and obey her husband if she is using the bible as reference. I am sorry but your mother in-law is a huge issue here and if she is your wife's role model then this is a disaster.

    Your wife cannot expect that because you are married that this is security for life and she can just do whatever she wants.

    I am amazed that you have put up with it for 2 years. Have a serious and hard talk with her. This is not easy for men to do, but you have to really list all the points she need to improve on for you to be happy to stay in marriage. Dont waste your life on such a person if they are not willing to improve things with you.

    I am assuming that maybe you did not live with your wife before you got married and that why the sex is an issue after marriage??

    It is not easy to get a divorce as it is in a way a failure of making a marriage work. But be true to yourself and you cant make yourself unhappy forever for someone that takes you for granted.

    Honesty is the best option for you. Be honest to yourself first then to your wife.

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  • 1 decade ago

    It sounds as if she married you to be taken care of. Marriage is supposed to be team work with both partners sharing responsibilities. Your wife was raised by a mother who thinks of marriage in the old traditional terms. In these times it is supposed to be different. I can hear your frustration. The only solution is to come out and tell your wife what it is you are so unhappy about. For one thing, she needs to step up and get a job. If she has fears she needs to be a grown up and over come them. We all have been there. Also, since you are the only one working then you set limits on the spending. I am sorry to say, but your wife sounds immature. She is thinking like a child who wants daddy to take care of her. She needs to come off of that pedestal and begin to think like a woman that needs to stand by her man. Hopefully therapy will work. Other than that, you need to decide if you want to live this way for the rest of your life. Good luck to you!

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  • 1 decade ago

    In being married for only 2 years you all should still be the most happiest people in the world! What I'd advice you to do is set aside a romantic day just for the two of you, or night or whatever and after allowing her to know how much you care for her. Explain to her your worries and concerns. Try to be open and understand where she's coming from. The best thing to do is try to come through this TOGETHER. If you make it seem like it's all YOU, the defenses will come up. Allow her to know that WE need to do better, and try to come up with something that you could do better that may be getting to HER.

    The BEST answer to this is also to pray. Do you believe in God?? He'll straighten things out if you just pray and fast about it.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Encourage her to find a job, cut out jobs for her to call. Keep mentioning jobs that you find that you think she'd be good for. Ask if she's called anybody.

    Tell her you need her help.

    She is scared to work, because she feels incompetent. You need to help her feel like she can do anything, and to feel like she doesn't need you to be around.

    Call home ahead of time and ask her if you should pick up dinner, or if she's making something. Tell her you're really hungry and need something to eat when you come home.

    It's hard to break this kind of thought process of religious traditions. Remind her that her parents are divorced, and you can't picture yourself living this life with her for much longer either. Be honest, and tell her the Bible has taught you not to lie because sinners are sent to hell.

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  • 1 decade ago

    First of all .get a clue. This marriage is new still and she's young obviously so why is there no sex? Ask yourself that. Start looking for clues to her cheating because she most definitely is. Waiting on her father or other family members to shower you with money is a pathetic existence, don't do it. You are a hard worker and deserve to be treated better by the person you love. Plenty of women out there would LOVE AND APPRECIATE the life you have given her. The reason why you can't go anywhere without her is because she feels like you are doing what she is doing behind your back. Try this someday, leave for work BUT call in sick after an hour or two out of the house just suddenly pop in. Vacations? WTF why does she need a vacation from doing nothing? Sure you do work two jobs and its nice to relax sometime but if you weren't spending all that extra money on needless crap like vacations you could have more. I hate to say this but you've got a bad apple, throw her back before she rots your whole world

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  • 1 decade ago

    Have you talked to your wife about how you need her to work? Maybe she could get a job in a daycare or something.

    About the sex issue...

    Is there anything from her past that makes sex hard for her? Like sexual abuse, rape, having sex a lot in the past, etc.? That could be why sex is so rare.

    She may be depressed which makes her unmotivated to cook, clean, etc.

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