Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Entertainment & MusicJokes & Riddles · 1 decade ago

What is your favourite joke or riddle?

I think one of my favourites would be:

You laugh, I laugh

You cry, I cry

You jump off a cliff, I'm gonna miss you!

Update:

Lol!!! =) Great jokes Arnold G and Joe K!

5 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young, student nurse arrives to give him a partial sponge bath. "Nurse," he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?"

    Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."

    He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check. Are my testicles black?"

    Concerned that he may elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises up his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles in the other.

    Then, she takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, sir!"

    The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely . . . "

    " A r e - m y - t e s t - r-e s u l t s - b a c k ?"

    ------------------------------------------------------------

    Blonde Cookbook

    MONDAY: It's fun to cook for Tom. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls.

    TUESDAY: Tom wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So I didn't dress. What a surprise when Tom brought a friend home for supper.

    WEDNESDAY: A good day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed kind of silly but I took a bath anyway. I can't say it improved the rice any.

    THURSDAY: Today Tom asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said prepare ingredients, lay on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. Tom asked me why I was rolling around in the garden.

    FRIDAY: I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put the ingredients in a bowl and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got back, everything was the same as when I left.

    SATURDAY: Tom did the shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday (oh boy).For some reason Tom keeps counting to ten.

    SUNDAY: Tom's folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast but all I had was hamburger. Suddenly I had a flash of genius. I put the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for roast. It still came out hamburger, much to my disappointment.

    GOOD NIGHT DEAR DIARY. This has been a very exciting week. I am eager for tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe on Tom. If I can talk Tom into buying a bigger oven, I would like to surprise him with chocolate moose.

  • Joe K
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    Blonde Cookbook

    MONDAY: It's fun to cook for Tom. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls.

    TUESDAY: Tom wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So I didn't dress. What a surprise when Tom brought a friend home for supper.

    WEDNESDAY: A good day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed kind of silly but I took a bath anyway. I can't say it improved the rice any.

    THURSDAY: Today Tom asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said prepare ingredients, lay on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. Tom asked me why I was rolling around in the garden.

    FRIDAY: I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put the ingredients in a bowl and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got back, everything was the same as when I left.

    SATURDAY: Tom did the shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday (oh boy).For some reason Tom keeps counting to ten.

    SUNDAY: Tom's folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast but all I had was hamburger. Suddenly I had a flash of genius. I put the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for roast. It still came out hamburger, much to my disappointment.

    GOOD NIGHT DEAR DIARY. This has been a very exciting week. I am eager for tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe on Tom. If I can talk Tom into buying a bigger oven, I would like to surprise him with chocolate moose.

  • 1 decade ago

    On little Larry's first day of first grade, he raised his hand as soon as the teacher came into the room and said, 'I don't belong here, I should be in third grade!'

    The teacher looked at little Larry's records and told him to please take his seat. Not five minutes passed when little Larry stood up again and said, 'I don't belong here, I should be in the third grade!' Larry did this a few more times before the principal came along and the teacher explained Larry's problem.

    The principal and the first grade teacher told little Larry that if he could answer some questions that they could decide in which grade he belonged. Well, they soon discovered that Larry knew all the state capitals and country capitals that the principal could think of.

    The teacher suggested they try some biology questions... 'What does a cow have 4 of but a woman has only 2?' asked the teacher.

    'Legs!' Larry immediately replied.

    'What does a man have in his pants that a woman doesn't?' asked the teacher.

    'Pockets!' said Larry.

    The teacher looked at the principal, who said, 'Maybe he should be in third grade, I missed those last two questions!

  • 1 decade ago

    It was another Payday and I was tired of Mr. Good bar.

    I saw Miss Hershey standing behind the Powerhouse on the corner of Clark and

    Fifth Avenue when I whipped out my Whopper and whispered, “Hey Sweetheart, how'd

    you like to Crunch on my big hunk for a Million Dollar Bar?”

    Well, she immediately went down on my Tootsie Roll, and it was like pure

    Almond Joy!

    I couldn't help but grab her delicious Mounds because it was easy to see that

    this little Twix had the Red Hoots.

    It was all I could do to hold the Snickers and Crackle as my Butterfinger went

    up her tight little Kit Kat and she started to scream “Oh Henry, Oh Henry!”

    Soon she was fondling my Peter Pan and ZagNut and I knew it wouldn't be long

    before I blew my Milk Duds clear to Mars that gave her a taste of the old Milky

    Way.

    She asked me if I was into M&M, but I said, “Hey Chick let, no kinky stuff.” I

    said, “Look you little Reese's Pieces, don't be a Zero, be a Lifesaver. Why

    don't you take my Whatchamacallit and slip it up your Bit 'O' Honey?”

    (What a piece of Juicy Fruit she was, too!)

    She screamed, “Oh Crackerjack, better than the Three Musketeers!” as I rammed

    my Ding Dong up her Rocky Road and into her Peanut Butter Cup.

    Well, I was giving it to her Good 'N' Plenty, when all the sudden... my

    Starburst!

    Yeah, as luck would have it, she started to grow Chunky and

    complained of a Wrigley in her stomach.

    Sure enough, nine months later, out popped? Baby Ruth!

    Little Tommy runs into the bathroom one day to find his mother taking a bath.

    He points at her bush and asks, "What's that Mommy?". A little embarrassed, she

    tells him that is her sponge. Tommy is satisfied with that answer and goes back

    to playing with his toys. Some time later, Tommy catches his mother in the

    shower shortly after she has shaved her bush for bikini season. Tommy asks her,

    "Where is your sponge mommy?". Again embarrassed she tells him that she lost it

    but will probably find it soon. Tommy is a little worried and promises his mommy

    that he will help her find it. His mother says OK and goes back to showering.

    Soon, Tommy comes running back in and says that he has found his mother's

    sponge. "What do you mean you found my sponge?". "The lady next door has it and

    she's washing Daddy's face with it!"

    A husband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston. After almost

    twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired to continue, and they decide to

    stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan

    to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road. When they check out four

    hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for 350. The man explodes and

    demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it's a

    nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth 350. When the clerk tells him 350

    is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the Manager. The manager

    appears, listens to the man, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-

    sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for the husband and

    wife to use.

    'But we didn't use them', the man complains.

    'Well, they are here, and you could have,' explains the Manager. He goes on to

    explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous.

    'The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here,' the

    Manager says.

    'But we didn't go to any of those shows,' complains the man again. Well, we

    have them, and you could have', the Manager replies.

    No matter what facility the Manager mentions, the man replies, 'But we didn't

    use it!'

    The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the man gives up and agrees to pay. He

    writes a check and gives it to the Manager. The Manager is surprised when he

    looks at the check. But sir,' he says, 'this check is only made out for 100.'

    'That's right,' says the man. 'I charged you 250 for sleeping with my wife.'

    'But I didn't!' exclaims the Manager.

    'Well,' the man replies, 'she was here, and you could have'

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  • 1 decade ago

    joke:

    An old had just recently obtained her first labtop. A few weeks later, she has AIM. As she logs on, she reiceves a message, going on the lines as: Hey, Welcome to Aim, we hope that you will be satisfied. LOL. As an old lady, she assumed LOL meant Lots of Love. A month later, her friend dies. She writes a letter about the death of her friend to her friend's parents. I am very sorry for the death of Mary. She was a dear friend to me. I will miss her dearly. Signed, Jenna.

    LOL.

    She had never received a letter back. or heard from again. ever.

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