Why he doesn't want to marry me although he says that he loves me the most?

My boyfriend broke up with me recently but he wants me to stay his best friend although he might marry soon. He tells me that he loves me the most. I ask: how come he loves me to that extreme but he cannot marry me. He tells me that I am the closet person to him, the only one that he can ever trust, talk, understand, enjoy being with, care, and that no one has loved, and cared about him to that level before. We are very close friends. I feel so calm when I talk to him. Both of us are foreigners here without family. Do you think that we love each other because we are afraid to be alone? Do you think that we ever loved each other? If he loves me, if I am the one that he feels warm with me, why he is leaving me? why he wants to stay just as my friend? For God's sake, he has already chosen a girl to marry according to some standards also suggested by the family! I need help to understand why he is leaving me as a lover but he wants to be around me as the closest friend. I decided to stop talking to him, but I love him to that extent that I cannot hold myself. Please send me your answers.

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    He is treating you the way you are allowing him to treat you. My dear, we teach people how to treat us. If he knows that he can have you in all the ways that he needs without ever having to marry you, why should he? I know that sounds harsh but you have to see the power in this. When you realize that you teach people how to treat you, you also realize that you have the power to create the relationship that you desire. You do not need him. Yes, you love him. Yes, there's a bond but you deserve better. You deserve the best and it's out there. If he really, really loved you and he wanted the best for you, he would either go against his family and marry you or let you go so you could find true love and be married and happy with someone else. Instead, he's choosing (and you're allowing him) to keep you locked in, spirit and soul, as he plans to marry someone he knows he doesn't love.

    Love him enough to let him go. Love yourself enough to know you deserve the best, to know that it's out there, and to accept the fact that if he is not ready or willing to choose you, he is not the one. He doesn't have to choose you for you to be happy. You have to choose you for you to be happy. Remember that.

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  • Have you ever thought that the reasons you state as to being so close to each other is the very reason he isn't with you anymore. Sometimes, a couple can be close enough where the relationship is more like a brother and sister than a married couple. Being predictable is a symptom of a sibling relationship, not a sexually, emotionally, vibrant marital relationship. A couple can know each other too well. Never settle, especially if a relationship gets too comfortable...it gets dull. And that is what your ex has realized, that he would be settling. Don't take it personally, thank him for that because you have too much to offer someone and a lot of love to give to ever settle.

    Source(s): experience
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  • 1 decade ago

    Oh my, I am in the same exact situation. I wish I knew the answer.You did the right thing by stopping talking to him. It is the hardest thing to do I know that you miss your friend, but it will be alright in the end. Try not to obsess over it and do not analyze it a million times. Take time for yourself. I wish I could tell you more but it is out of your hands. You told him how you feel and that is all you can do. Now go out there and be a strong confident woman. There is a reason for everything. (I hope that this is not the same guy as mine. Then he would be a sociopath and you wouldn't want him anyway.)

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  • LIPPIE
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    You are both from different cultures and maybe his family has set up a marriage and he is afraid to go against them. If he really loves you then you will be together, but then maybe his family is the most important people in his life and he doesn't want to disappoint them. I think that you should stay away and let this all work out for the best. If you try to stay friends it will only cause you heartache.

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  • 1 decade ago

    I truly believe that YOU love him. You are a woman. You have been instilled by God to be the lover. It is your very nature to love. You cannot not love. Do you question your mother's love? Generally not. Do you question your father's love? Usually. A male does not know what love even means. Men mirror what they see and "say" that is love. Most guys don't have a clue.

    However, ask them what fighting means, defending, warfare,

    s'plosions and that stuff and you WILL get an answer.

    Men are designed to be the warrior and the defender. Not lovers.

    Your question goes to the core of male/female relationship. "What is love"?

    You know for certain.

    He doesn't know. Not for certain. Barely at all.

    He lied to you for he doesn't even know what he's doing.

    Yes. You love.

    Him......not so!

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    cuz your just comfort and *** on the side for him when he gets finished with this other girl whether he marry her or not. he is telling her the same thing probably that he is telling you. that he loves her and all of this other stuff. and what do you think is going to happen when he gets into a argument with her? come running to you so you can comfort him enough to go back to her and take care of her as his wife. i know that its hard cuz i was in a simlar situation and i had to let this person go and tell my husband what i needed from him as being my husband. if he really loves you like he says he does he will come back and make you his wife.

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  • 1 decade ago

    The writing is all over the wall. He loves you only as a confident not as a woman to marry, and that is what you refuse to accept. If you its difficult for you to have a "friends" relationship with him, then I suggest you break up all ties and move one.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    He is very wise in not marrying someone just for the sake of being married...and you would NOT want to be married to a man who is not truly in love with you and isn't wanting to build a life with you.

    Be thankful!

    No two people are perfect; however, it is imperative they be perfect for each other.

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  • 1 decade ago

    He wants to make his family happy by marrying some other girl. He wants to keep you on the side. If he truly cared for you and your relationship he would be with you. Move on. It will never change. You will spend years wasted waiting for him to make up his mind.

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  • Missus
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    I'd cut my losses and walk away...

    There is another woman (that makes you the other woman!) in his life and he is letting his family dominate his decisions. You are fighting an uphill battle that will only end in your heartbreak.

    There is always a chance he could smarten up...

    Good luck!

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