Help i really need as many advice, opinions, answers etc plz. sorry for the super long question.?

Alright. A few years ago when i was 15/16 i had problems with anorexia. now it's been 6 years ive been binge eating. i had gained a lot of weight when i was 16 n this lasted till i was 18 . that year i started to exercise more and i guess i was eating better i lost weight again. but no too drastically. but... show more Alright. A few years ago when i was 15/16 i had problems with anorexia. now it's been 6 years ive been binge eating. i had gained a lot of weight when i was 16 n this lasted till i was 18 . that year i started to exercise more and i guess i was eating better i lost weight again. but no too drastically. but then in 2007 i became very suicidal. depressed.. and tried to commit suicide a bunch of times and ended up in the hospital a lot that year. now i'm back to a really heavy weight.
i also have low self-esteem, and was diagnosed with borderlinepersonality disorder. im not on any anti-depressants or anything at the moment although i have been. i thought i was getting better. i did go for therapy so many times.
the question is i moved away to ottawa ( i live in quebec) for a new start to go to school try to again at least.. but i ended up depressed again and have been since then. i'm so tired of it. it's gotten so bad everytime something bad happens in my life like i get in a fight with a friend, or i feel alone, i dunno it can be anything i just give up. right now i'm at that point again. but it's pretty bad. i have 0 motivation. i live a lone in an apartment it was my option. i had friends in the beginning but i sorta pushed them away. im too paranoid. i dropped out of school..... i can't keep a schedule routine . ive been so lazy and sleeping in.. i haven't gotten out of my own apartment space in a whole week. cuz i dont even feel like going out for walks anymore. i dont have a job. i don't know where to start to take care of myself. independently. i feel horrible. i really do. i was supposed to show for group therapy last week now i have to get another referall which will take a long time.. i would go on and add details but .. i just i'm hopeless. also i have very low confidence.. and i have this social anxiety .. i dont want u to feel that bad or sorry for me i just need ur help and please no rude comments .. thanks.
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