I made a terrible mistake, is there anway I can reclaim my dignity?

when i was 13 i had sex and now being 20 i regret it because that relationship ended up the guy cheating on me. I got pregnant had an abortion. Now my 2nd boyfriend puts me down for it all the time. I am angry with myself for doing this and I dont blame anyone except myself but I think i did it because my dad was... show more when i was 13 i had sex and now being 20 i regret it because that relationship ended up the guy cheating on me. I got pregnant had an abortion. Now my 2nd boyfriend puts me down for it all the time. I am angry with myself for doing this and I dont blame anyone except myself but I think i did it because my dad was leaving my mom and my mom was going through abuse with my father and becoming a schizophrenic so to me I was really on my own so I did what I wanted when i WANTED. I feel really terrrible for my past and feel like i should punish myself!!!! and that i dont deserve to be happ y and married and have children, My current boyfrien is also abusive verbally and used to be physically and puts me down for my past and calls me names liek ho **** *****, pieve of **** etc. I dont know what to do, I dont know what the riht thing is to do. I dont wanna be selfish and move on from the current relationship because to me he is right but at the same time it really makes me depressed. Also whe i was with my frist bf i left him and started talking ot current but to me he was mean and didnt wanan talk to him. then months later i talked to 1 st bf and stopped cuz he continued to cheat. Now the seoncd was nice and i got invovled. but he got invovled with a grudge form the past so he would torture me for the past an dput me down call me names. Also he worked with my family and they would talk **** about me because i was in a relationship at 13 and that turned his mind against me too. I have no religion to believe in, no guidance, no faith in anything. I need something to believe in...I need to know right from wrong and I need spiritual healing and guidance. I feel so terrible for all my sins but i do not know how to cope or who to seek help from or what I should do with my self becuase of the things I have done. I wish I could turn back time and change things so badly. What is anyones view on my situation???
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