Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsOther - Family & Relationships · 1 decade ago

I made a terrible mistake, is there anway I can reclaim my dignity?

when i was 13 i had sex and now being 20 i regret it because that relationship ended up the guy cheating on me. I got pregnant had an abortion. Now my 2nd boyfriend puts me down for it all the time. I am angry with myself for doing this and I dont blame anyone except myself but I think i did it because my dad was leaving my mom and my mom was going through abuse with my father and becoming a schizophrenic so to me I was really on my own so I did what I wanted when i WANTED. I feel really terrrible for my past and feel like i should punish myself!!!! and that i dont deserve to be happ y and married and have children, My current boyfrien is also abusive verbally and used to be physically and puts me down for my past and calls me names liek ho **** *****, pieve of **** etc. I dont know what to do, I dont know what the riht thing is to do. I dont wanna be selfish and move on from the current relationship because to me he is right but at the same time it really makes me depressed. Also whe i was with my frist bf i left him and started talking ot current but to me he was mean and didnt wanan talk to him. then months later i talked to 1 st bf and stopped cuz he continued to cheat. Now the seoncd was nice and i got invovled. but he got invovled with a grudge form the past so he would torture me for the past an dput me down call me names. Also he worked with my family and they would talk **** about me because i was in a relationship at 13 and that turned his mind against me too. I have no religion to believe in, no guidance, no faith in anything. I need something to believe in...I need to know right from wrong and I need spiritual healing and guidance. I feel so terrible for all my sins but i do not know how to cope or who to seek help from or what I should do with my self becuase of the things I have done. I wish I could turn back time and change things so badly. What is anyones view on my situation???

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  • 1 decade ago
    Best Answer

    1- If you are concerned with sin God has already forgiven you. All that is left is for you to forgive your self. That is between you and God. No one else. Only then can you learn from your mistake.

    2- Understand that abuse is abuse is abuse. No one deserves it. It's only function is to teach more abuse.

    3- You do need to determine who and what you are. This can be accomplished by relying on what you produce to provide for your needs. Counseling can be very useful but you need to seek it. Do not wait for some else to provide it for you.

    4- When you are comfortable with your self then you can bring your complete personality to a relationship. If you are in need of fixing you will attract those who will require you to give up parts of who you are. If not then you will attract those who will accept and love you for who you are.

    Take these 4 things into consideration and move forward. The difference between other animals and humans is that we were given the gift to create. You should determine a truth for yourself that you can use as a daily affirmation. So you will understand what I mean the following is one I wrote for me.

    Our past has been met

    Our stage is now set

    Our God given choice

    is how we respond

    Perceptions we voice

    set what is beyond

    Faith is now needed

    Good will be greeted

    It does not have to be a poem just something that is truth to you. Sorry this is so long. hope it helps.

    Spiritual

  • 1 decade ago

    First of all, the past is that--the past. If you have a boyfriend that can't deal with something that happened when he wasn't even around, then you need to let him go. You need to learn to forgive yourself and move on with your life. You learned a very valuable lesson at 13 years of age and you need to remember that lesson so that you don't repeat the mistake, but you should not carry it around as a burden and allow it or anyone else to use it to make you miserable. You have already punished yourself by going through an abortion at age 13. If you can call what you did a "sin" then you do believe in something. You can't turn back time, but what you can do is give yourself a break and find someone who will truly love you. The person who truly loves you will be understanding and not make you feel bad. They will help you pull your life together and make the rest of your life better. Please feel free to contact me if you want to discuss this further. I think I can help you. I can help you with the spiritual healing and guidance, but not it would be too involved to go into here. Just know that your boyfriend is not being realistic and you can't have a healthy relationship with someone like that. You need to get away from him and allow yourself time to heal from all the negatives that you have so far experienced in your young life.

  • 1 decade ago

    Hi..

    I am really touched from ur story. Sweetheart, dont regret, coz whatever happen in 13, all happened coz u were too small and also you never had a nice childhood coz of ur parents. May be the present guy is right for you, But he abuses you and hurts u everyting .... hurts ur self-respect. U are not an animal. U are a Human being. Whatever happened is ur past and he shouldn't be digging it out everytime. if he does it ... he is wrong and someone cant be a right guy for u who does this to you.

    Join some meditation centres, tell the instructor ur problem(not the whole story that happened, simply that u are highly stressed out coz of some incidents in ur past and u want to over come that and build a self confidence)... just attend the classes, i bet u will be really feeling better in just couple of weeks time. trust me!

    And please, Just forget ur past present everything, no boyfrnd for some days, just concentrate on urself... love urself, respect urself .... and just warn ur frnd if he does that again to u gonna break off coz anyway there is no point in dragging this!

    All the best! Just keep smiling and cheerful....

    Cheers!

    Pearl!

  • 1 decade ago

    No one is perfect, everyone makes mistakes. You have some excuse in that were young and not well supported anyway, but even if that wasn't the case, you have the right to learn from the past and to move forward into a hopeful future.

    You're not going to get that if you stick with someone who is abusive. You don't deserve to put up with his abuse. You need to move on to someone else and a different situation where your past is your business and the only people you share any aspect of it with, are people who will support you and help you, not use it as a tool to abuse you.

    You have a right to be happy. Good luck.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    break up with your current boyfriend, it isn't selfishness if he's verbally hurting you. Maybe you can get into believing into a religion i believe in Jesus and he's helped me a lot, if you want to find out more information about it, you can go to a church. Godbless

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Break up with you're a-hole boyfriend. Leave it all behind. It's ok, you're young, everybody makes mistakes....

    Be single for a while. It'll be really hard at first, but then it'll get really fun, trust me, and you'll find out who you really are and be able to get what you want out of life.

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