Kimberly asked in PetsDogs · 1 decade ago

Hard decision; what's best for her?

What’s going to be best for Pepper?

There’s something on my mind. My mum's boyfriend [David] is American and he's coming to live in the UK with us starting from next year as soon as his visa is sorted out. We're visiting his family next year as well. He has a GSD [Pepper] who is 3 years, but she's sort of unsocial with other dogs because he lives so far out [Appalachian Mountains] so it was hard to have her socialised [I know that's not a good excuse, this is what I've been 'told'].

Anyway, his ex wife lives in their house which technically is still half his because of the divorce. But she works long hours and she sort of killed their cat [she locked him in the bathroom, he was 17 or so but still] and she never seems to bother with Pepper because David says that now she's gained weight like I don't know what. Her food’s been switched from Blue Buff. to some crappy make too. So she has stomach upsets. She's not exercised very well, considering they have 100s of acres! I know that Pepper will probably need quarantining so I need to consider she may not be with us for up to [even more] than 6 months.

I understand that Pepper is also his ex wife’s' dog and I cannot simply 'just ask' for her to come abroad. The other thing is, Abbie is my first dog and I adore her, I have a feeling toward her which I can't really describe. I don't want to lose our bond. Also, she is still young [7mo] so we still have *a lot* of training to be done. I just don’t want to mess anything up – I’m not sure what I’m meaning exactly, but it’s tough on me about Abbie too – who needs to be taken into consideration also.

I will be attending college which means coming back at about 4.00pm every day leaving at about 8.00am. That doesn’t matter too much because my mum will be there until 12:30pm so that she can be out and about with Abbie. It also depends on David’s working hours too. I have made a rough routine for me & Abbie when I begin college, but with another dog, it will need some changes. However college days differ, so one day I may be in half day.

Also, it means socialising Pepper. That’s not something major for me personally – even though I’m unfamiliar with the breed, David will assist me. She is very obedience other than that, wonderful purebred from working lines. And spayed too.

It’s nothing final, we’re only talking; but the decision is, should Pepper come over here, given changes in her life like climates all the way to a new house, living with another b*tch? But still with David [even though he doesn’t go to his house because of his ex]. -OR- does Pepper stay in America with the ex who doesn’t bother. I understand I can’t be there for Pepper all the time, and it means changing Abbie’s life too, but where I live, it should be call DogTown, there’s that many dogs. There’s open countryside 2 minutes away, huge field’ for dogs, a Nature Park. Not quiet 100s acres...

My mum is talking with David and he is going to take it up with his ex. I asked once before, but I was told it wasn’t to be discussed at that time, but I mentioned it to David and he said that his wife refuses to put Pepper in a shelter – so the dog may suffer at home, without any chance of a better life even in America.

David loves her, and he really wants her to come over too, my mum is still on the fence because it means needing much more money for food, another cage, if she were to be put in a cage, tags, I’m not entirely sure about registration, I think she’s with AKC. It means new vets, tags, collars, leads etc. I know this is massive.

What would be best for Pepper?

Update:

Could you please star for me? The more advice and information I have the better, but thank you so far.

Update 2:

Robin; The ex never bothers with Pepper, she overfeeds and makes her stay indoors all day - but the 2nd answer had it - it's not my decision, and I'd rather go through humans, than Pepper - they are seperated, that would be VERY hard; but thanks for the input.

Update 3:

DeeDawg; I think the ex is crazy! But the whole thing's got out of hand with Pepper :(

Update 4:

Oh...I've just noticed how many bad spelling/typing mistakes in there!

Update 5:

Thank you all - wishnuwelltoo, I thank you very much, many of my questions asked, you've given me such good insight. However, I've saw her pictures and she is a little overweight - I don't understand fully as obviously I've never been married nor divorced, since I'm only 16, so with yours and Maxi's answers, I shall have to take word for! However, I do think he is genuine, I believe him, but I do understand both sides of the story are equally important. I'll select a BA tomorrow as tonight, we're going to talk. But thanks to ALL so far!

10 Answers

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  • Maxi
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago
    Best Answer

    I don't think it is your decision to make, it is up to David and his ex wife really and you and your mum will just go along with it.Whatever they decide.

    Don't hold your breath though divorce brings out the worst in the best of people, all the hurt and upset and if she knows David wants the dog she will probably not let him have her, even if she doesn't want Pepper really.

    I hope you never find out personally in your own life and when you marry it is for the right reasons and for a lifetime.........and we all try to do that, but don't think too harshly of David's ex......it takes two to keep a marriage together and at one time David loved her enough to marry her, much of what he is saying is because he is feeling hurt( his fault or not it doesn't matter) If people believed only a 10% of what my ex said about me I would be a truely horrible person (I'm not) my ex was a lovely, kind, gentle man and then when I divorced him, he turned into a lying, manipulative monster towards me.........his problem to deal with not mine, it didn't stop me fighting him for what we built up together and it didn't change the fact that I had a lovely marriage, however I won't buy into his hatred he created, some will, some do, but it is not my problem............and what upset him the most I fought to keep my own dogs, he wanted them because they were extremely good and won everything....because they were already trained ( by me) but other people 'thought' they were his because he competed with them and he 'allowed' others to think that because it suited him to....said too much but it shows you that I do know what I'm talking about.

    Don't worry about things you can't do nothing about,you can't do anything about what Pepper is being fed, about her excess weight, about socialisation or training or things that may never happen, think about Abbie and your College course, they are important and you can do something about both.

    Even if it happens and Pepper comes over, even if it started now, Abbie will be 6 months older, 6 months better trained, so you will have the time and Abbie will be able to help teach Pepper.

    GSDs are beautiful dogs, love to work, protective of their 'family' and certainly willing to learn, you can change her food, reduce her weight, register her with Abbie's vet, get her micro chipped and even register her on the working register with the KC if you want ( if she has papers or not for agility, obedience and flyball and on the Breed register if she has AKC papers) so you will then have two dogs to teach and compete with.

    As for 100 acres to roam in, she is a GSD she won't roam far unless she has always been encouraged to, naturally she will stay close to her 'family', so if she does come to the UK her life with you would be one long adventure, with training and walking and socialising, playing with Abbie and possibly eventually competing.

    Source(s): Animal behaviourist
  • I guess Pepper would be a bit weary and curious, maybe even scared if Abbie came to live with you too. And from what you have explained I guess Abbie will probably be just the same but maybe quite aggressive too. I say this because as you know dog's are pack animals who feel safe in their own territory and they also guard their territory from threats. Pepper has her territory and Abbie may be brought into it which will mean dividing it between the two.

    At the start it may be hard because the two dogs will need to find their place but don't worry because over time they will get used to each other and hopefully learn to get along. It sounds like it will be more of an effect on Abbie who is moving to a new country, climate with new people and it will be scary for her. And Pepper will be worried that her place is at risk.

    I defiantly think the best thing for Abbie would be to move with you guy's because it sounds like she would be neglected if left in the states. But it's going to take a lot of time a patience before they both settle down and accept each other. Really take your time and introduce them for short spells of half and hour at a time. Do this for a couple of weeks until they are used to each other then hopefully all should be okay.

    Apart from that, all you can really do is love each dog the same and try not to act any different with Pepper. It may take time but it will all be worth it in the end and Pepper will have company which is a good thing.

    Consider consulting a professional dog trainer because they may be able to offer you some great advice to make the transition easy for both dogs.

    Good luck

  • 1 decade ago

    This is quite an interesting situation, especially since you do not know whether or not you are going to be able to get Pepper from his ex. But you are doing a lot of good thinking in the long run.

    Im glad you feel as if you could break her of her unsocialization, because that really does take a lot of work. Muzzles, the whole nine yards. Especially if the dog is not well socialized with people. People socialization is very important as well. But it sounds like she might have some potential.

    But, I also have to say to not get your hopes too high. In reality, his ex-wife might not let Pepper go just out of spite. Im one of those people that likes to save everything too, but there are just a lot of stubborn people in this world.

    Just hang in there, and don't stress too much about it at the moment. Sounds like she would be better off abroad with you of course, but in case that does not happen, just try and be as positive as possible :)

  • Robin
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    What is best for Pepper is for everyone to look at Pepper and let Pepper decide. I know you say How? Well if Pepper really wants to be with David then even an hour a day of his time is worth it for Pepper. But if Pepper loves David's ex wife more it would be better for her to stay with the ex wife. My boyfriend and I broke up and we had a dog. I have always had dogs but he never did and wanted one. When we broke up he told me the dog was mine you could tell but he also told me because he was part Chow he would get mean and I'd have to put him down sooner than later. Well that was 14 years ago. Pugs is the sweetest black Chow mix I have ever seen. It depends on how they are raise and if they are with the one they love the most.

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  • Pete F
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    You know the decision lies with David & your mum, It sounds like David has as much concern for dogs as you do so I'm sure the decision wont be made lightly. Bringing Pepper over here would no doubt be the best for her, the hassle of bringing her over here would only be a short part in her life.

    In the event of Pepper not being able to come, the only other answer I can see would be to find Pepper a good home in America, some one who knows and loves GSD's, at least that way you know she will be happy.

    I hope it works out for you. (& Pepper)

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I have two dogs one Ive had since she was a pup and another i found and adopted as she was in such a mess and at first my dog and the new one did not get on great and I was quite concerned but after a while once boundaries were established they were fine.

    Dogs can be very human in their nature and need to have time to work out who is the boss etc but the Pepper does not sound viscious maybe just apprehensive of other dogs. She will be better off with you and your family.

    hope this helps ;-)

  • 1 decade ago

    I think David's story sounds like a lot of bull. I am not trying to hurt your feelings, but the story is just bull. I think Pepper needs to stay with his owner, and David is not the owner. He does not have the right to take this dog from his ex who is the owner of the dog. I think David is just bad mouthing his ex wife to your mom in order to try and steal the dog and take him to your Country. It is very common for a man to bad mouth his ex like that, and it all sounds like sour grapes. I don't believe for one minute that his ex wife is neglecting the dog, and it would be a huge mistake for your mom to believe this story. I think the dog needs to stay in America, and if David gets his own home there, he can get his own dog later. He really has some nerve trying to dump all this on you and your mom. And no, he doesn't technically own half of a house because of a divorce. I think you and your mom need to be very careful of this David person. You need to worry about your moms safety. Peace be with you.

  • anne b
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    From the situation you describe, I think this dog needs help. She is in an environment that is not good for her, both physically and emotionally, and it will only get worse if she stays with this woman.

    I understand your concern over her lack of socialization, but she needs to get out of that house. If you decide not to take her, I would suggest to David that he take her and surrender her to a GSD rescue, where she will be safe, cared for, trained, and offered a good home.

    If you don't do anything, it will eat away at you, and you will always wonder if she lived or suffered.

    Source(s): rescue volunteer
  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    if you and abbie are able, you should help pepper out.

    you know what they say, if you want something done, you have to do it yourself.

    the ex will probably kill pepper if she stays in the US, and she can be trained if you take her in.

    personally, i think the whole situation is crazy....

    as far as your mother is concerned, her boyfriend should be taking care of the money for food, tags, etc.

  • 1 decade ago

    i think it would be best for pepper to go with you. but it's not really your decision. it's david's and his ex wife's decision.

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