Infidelity, Future in-laws from Hell, and Thanksgiving?

Help!

I'm not fond of my future in-laws from hell, but they suddenly invited me to Thanksgiving. Big problem (apart from them being terribly rude and awful) is knowing that the father has cheating on the mother. She is far from sainthood, but no one deserves that. I don't think I can put a smile on my face, pretend everything is normal, and not tell her. Not telling is being part of the lie. I've been cheated on, no one deserves that! Problem is, if I tell her, boyfriend would probably lose his job as his father is his boss. We also live in a foreign country and the economy is awful now, would be really hard for him to find a job. If it were me, I would tell my mother and take the risk that I'd have to find another job, because it is the right thing to do. It makes me question whether I can be with someone who would lie like that for money. He doesn't want to be poor, he doesn't want to risk his career. I would do both if I were in his situation.

What do you think? He wants me to go to Thanksgiving, plaster a smile on my face and be hush hush just like him and his father about the whole affair. I don't think I can go, which would probably make them hate me more than they do now. (They both use me as a scapegoat for them not getting along). Not saying anything is wrong, but even if I don't say anything, I might cry because I feel so bad! How could I explain that?

Should I say I don't feel well to get out of going? Should I seriously evaluate the boyfriend? Should I just put up and shut up? If I don't go they will hate me even more probably (but they probably wouldn't like me any more by going anyways).

What should I do?

Update:

"Grinning and bearing it" would make sense if the in-laws were just rude and awful. I don't think that applies with infidelity.

That isn't "grinning and bearing it," that's being "part of the lie."

8 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Best Answer

    family is family, you take the good with the bad and grin and bear it.. if you are contemplating not going to thanksgiving just because of the in laws, your boyfriend/fiance must not be the "one". Being in a committed relationship often means you do things that you may not like, and put on a brave face, for the sake of the one you love..

    Source(s): married for 20 years.
  • 1 decade ago

    Unfortunately - you probably do need to go ( I have to go to my boyfriends family whom i no longer have an interest in half of them ) - don't speak on the cheating, she may already know, she may be ok with it for reasons you don't know, she may have someone else, as much as you want to thanksgiving is not the time. Worry about that later. I understand how you feel, I am not liked by all my boyfriends friends because they are not allowed to bring extra curricular girls over. If you are so compelled to do anything - you should speak with the husband - but not during the holidays - whether its right or wrong - its not the time - never really is - but definitely not right now. - by the way just because his father cheats does not mean he will - its hard to be put in a position of your father and your mother - he may not say it but it could be about more than the money- if you are worried about him you need to talk to him - what do you think of him doing this to your mother? Do you think they need more time? Maybe he will admit to you - look i don't know what to do right now - that is my mother and that is my father, could be he is dissapointed in his father - u never know - ive seen children put in similar ( well grown men ) or the same positions, come to find out the woman knows - and she has her own ( we never knew )

    and yeah the family comes with the package - oh joy - but make it known next year its your parents - and the year after that - you are cooking - and they are welcome - how often do you really have to be in their faces - trust me girl - i am dreading it - at least these people haven't disrespected your man so much to make you hate them, or talk about everyone we will be eating with behind the other ones back, im telling you im in for it with you - a lot of us are -

    BUT IF YOU LOVE YOUR MAN - AND YOU THINK HE IS THE ONE - NOT THE FAMILY - DON'T RUIN IT just because you have to do this a couple times a year, they're not in your face every day maybe your husbands- i am going to have a hard time smiling to - but im going and im going to make the best of it - even though with a few im in the same situation and it sucks - i just know im not drinking this year -

    as far as the family goes - i don't want to go any more than you do

  • Since they don't like you and vice versa, you don't owe it to your future mother in law to tell her that her husband is cheating. The closest of friends turn on each other when news like this is disclosed so I can only imagine what it would do to this lady.

    You don't have to put a big fake smile on your face. Just go, be civil, and get it over with.

    My father in law isn't cheating, but his wife is a downright miserable person who I don't like being around and talking to (and my husband, her own son can't stand her either). But we go put in our time and try to stay sane. We've accepted that they are just unhappy people who blame everyone for their misery.

    Your husband should try to keep the peace until he gets another job opportunity. Not telling his mother about the cheating is not lying. Chances are she knows or has suspicions and is in denial.

  • Bill F
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    For sure, take another look at the boyfriend. You guys aren't married yet, and can you imagine yourself having to do this for EVERY HOLIDAY?? And if he gives his tacit approval for his father's affair, I'd be a little worried about HIS fidelity, too.

    Don't tell her about the affair. Chances are, she knows about it, or at least suspects it, and is doing her best to cover it up for appearances' sake. To have you tell her about it would be seen as throwing it in her face. I'd seriously suggest washing your hands of this family before it's too late. Remember you're not just marrying your boyfriend, you're marrying his entire family.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    since you seem to be in one hell of a situation, I suggest you go to the dinner and after everyone is stuffed and relaxed, then tell the mother the bad news, destroy the holiday for everyone, then leave, go back to your place and think about finding a new boyfriend.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    What goes on in their relationship is none of your business, so keep your nose out of it. If you can't be polite and respectful to your future in laws then you should spare your b/f the burden of marrying you.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    stay out of other people's affairs. maybe go, eat and leave. don't go if you don't want to. just say 'you don't feel like it'. it's your life and your choice.

  • 1 decade ago

    go to furrs and eat there

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