LGBT: My family just doesn't get it....I'm so frustrated?
I came out to my family as trans (where I'm at on the spectrum I don't know yet---I don't feel a need to stick more constricting labels on myself) couple months ago----and I'm slowly starting to change myself in order to be able to see myself in my reflection.
It's difficult because I buried it for so long that I don't know who I am---I just know this physical body doesn't feel right, the labels and the gender roles don't feel right--I don't know if it means SRS or not or what--but I know I have to start going somewhere. So I'm definetly on a journey.
My family just won't leave me alone about it and I'm stopping myself from doing what I want to do because of it. I want their support and their love but ever since I came out my feeling like the black sheep has quadrupled (I always felt out of place but now it's six times worse).
If they're not cracking jokes about my sexuality and calling me a dyke (or singing the chorus to 'she wolf' by shakira) then their constantly up my *** with 'YOU'RE A WOMAN, NOT A MAN, NOT PART, NOT BOTH, A WOMAN SO SHUT UP ABOUT THIS ****---YOU'RE JUST FAT AND UNHAPPY' type stuff.
I came out because I was tired of hiding and because I wanted them to love me for me instead of loving a lie. Looks like they can't love me for me. I would've thought they would just want me to be happy. They don't really call or speak to me much and they kind of just laugh me off if I ask them to respect my gender-pronoun feelings or stuff like that. So I don't say anything anymore and just let them call me she and by my birth name---even though I feel so bad about it.
What can I do?
I'm just so tired---I figured they'd love me for me---I've always been ME but it's like their more attached to the shell I'm in. More concerned about their own image or some ****---my grandma (she's the only supportive one) says it's because they know how rough society can be with LGBT people so they're trying to protect me but I don't buy it anymore.
Denver: thanks so much---trust me---all the kicking and screaming I had to do to even CUT MY HAIR (it was past my breasts and one length---now is jaw-length and still longer than I would like) would blow your mind.
MYD34---I'm 18 so yes technically I don't have to deal with their **** anymore BUT no one likes to be all alone---and friends are great yes but they're still not the same as family
- Anonymous1 decade agoFavorite Answer
It doesn't sound like they were very supportive to your feelings before you came out either... Maybe only have contact with your grandmother until the others come round? No need to put up with their **** up behavior.
It's true some places give LGBT people trouble, but others are very supportive, and still others have no idea who you are, and there is no reason you can't be yourself without ever telling anyone in those places that you are biologically female. Move house, and let your family insult each other instead of you.
If there is a chance that they are doing this because they worry that society will give you trouble (which is odd since THEY are giving you trouble) then perhaps you can summon a family meeting and arrange a unified defensive strategy. It's always kept my family safe, and it makes us closer emotionally as well. We protect each other instead of harassing each other... (beond civil limits).
RE the hair: Just grab an electric razor and put on the one or one and a half inch attachment. Do your whole head, and *poof* instant man cut. Don't forget to gel (especially in the back which will be too long unless you get a friend to do it for you with a half inch attachment or shorter), and play with the spikes. : ) (Really have a friend do the back for you, so it merges with the front length nicely.) Also have them make clean edges over your ears, and the top of your neck, and your side burns. No inch guard, use the precision tip on the razor, if it's got one.
You can do the half inch all over your head (but not in the winter time) by yourself, but it isn't so stylish. Same with the bowl cut (put a bowl over the head, and buz around the bottom half of your head. The top stays long, and in the 1990's.
An other easy one is the Cesar, but the scalp must be trained: Hair must be short in the back, or buzzed, and the top can be long or short, but is combed forward toward the eyes, and is best gelled in the front. It looks great on most men, but you will have to get your hair used to pointing forward to make it stay. You might make use of your long hair, and tie it at night, into a forehead pony tail, to get it used to pointing forward, before cutting it again. It will help.
Also, don't forget: Most (if not all) countries require that you get a LONG span of counseling and live as a man, before allowing surgery, or gender reassignment medications, so even if you don't need a councilor for emotional reasons, it may be in your best interest to get one anyway, in case you decide to go for it later. (Plus, your family might help you pay for "counseling" to help you with your "gender problem". lol.) The councilor will probably be able to help you work things out with your family as well, and no honest gender councilor would try to force you to be a girl.
- 1 decade ago
Honey, you have to do what's right for you regardless of what your family says. If you listen to your family, you will coontinue to be unhappy and in the same place you are now. Other than your grandmother, it sems you are better off without them, until they come to their senses.
It seems you haven't started transition yet, or even sure what you need to do. I recommend you find a qualified gender therapist in your area and start discussing your gender issues. From there you can decide if transition is necessary
good luck :)Source(s): ..
- Anonymous1 decade ago
Family is a requirement until 18, after that they are an option.
(1) Get into counseling. It is an absolute necessity for someone in your situation.
(2) Find some friends who accept you for who you are and make them your family.
(3) Ask yourself is any of your family member are (a) good people that (b) you would want as friends if they were not family. If the answer is no-no, dump the person. You can choose for friends and change your mind; but you can't change people who don't want to change.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
Wow thats phukked, well anyway this is all in my arrogant opinion but I think you need to get SERIOUS, soon. Start doing some kicking and screaming lol. Let them know that you're 100% serious and you aren't changing and they are damaging you severely emotionally. You'll probably need to see therapists and psychs but that's all and advantage when it comes to transitioning!
But I come from a pretty liberal home with a sheltering mom and a hippie dad and idk what your situation is but thats my advice.
For future reference my adults are divorced.
Call the Trevor helpline if you ever get suicidal or anything.Source(s): experience from a 15 year old girl born transsexual.
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- Robin WLv 71 decade ago
I'm glad your grandma is there for you. I hope you can find supportive people in your community or online. This isn't the best place to come for trans people. There are a lot of jerks who will be even worse than your family was, because they can be anonymous here. You can report them if they are.
There is a website to help you find resources near you http://www.glbtnearme.org/
I wish you luck.