Ten lines, alternating 6-12 beats, AA, BB, etc. rhyme scheme....?
We plunge our shovels in
slick mud and clumps of dead brown grass stick to the skin
on our arms, a quick night
storm fractures the first hours of morning's starlight
a hidden owl takes wing
professing his reign as territorial king.
We feel the constant strain
of remorse but his face is covered now, yet pained
by the untold secrets
that he thought they would eventually forget.
I was expirimenting with form and uneven stops while keeping the same beats per line. I chose AA, BB to make it an easy dry run.
As for title, this is called "After the War" and would have been more specific, but I was just throwing it out there as a new form, style.
I would prefer two 10 line stanzas and would have become more specific in the 2nd stanza.
It is about grave robbers in the post Civil War days.
The Owl would be the key character. I may finish it.
- neonmanLv 710 years agoBest Answer
Congrats an exemplary poem based on syllable count and rhyme pattern. Surely an A+ Oh, now I suppose you want me to comment about the 'guts'? You mean structure is not more important? lol
- GrannyjillLv 710 years ago
I've never seen a poem written like this....your invention, I take it? Are you going to name it?
For those of your readers (well, me actually) who are not very quick on the uptake, could you provide a teensy clue about meaning in a title?
I like puzzles, I do...I spent years doing crosswords, my favourite being the cryptic kind..but at least then I knew that if I puzzled long enough the answer would be there....my puzzling over this has led me nowhere.
My only thought is that this is connected with the trenches in the First World War. Or else a pair of grave diggers on the night shift.
- DebraLv 710 years ago
I like the poem Buk.May I borrow your pen a while? I was struck by the owl who seemed to have witnessed such events. The owl is a most admired animal.I think because it is seen as being wise.I would like to read more . Thanks for the Saturday morning brightener. It is a great way to enjoy my coffee and your poetry.
- EllenLv 44 years ago
the name is called rhyme scheme there is no specific name and you should just right it down as AA BB CC DD ect. hope i helped
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- Anonymous10 years ago
I'm imagining the Huns fighting... Aristotle... "You can dig the past up, I don't mind the muds"
War Call (a hidden wing?)/And Alexander wept (quickness king?)
4shizzle! untold secrets, the pretty people don't want to read ' just anything '
One of many, ya know. *Don't do it again... Forget originality?*
schemes' and whatever. nice anyways.Source(s): schemes and squirms and weasels his way to, "your welcome," just like his predecessors
- shirleyfLv 610 years ago
Hi, Buk! Being basically illiterate, I don't bother paying attention to the aa,bb's of it all. That being said, I think this is a great write. Without the explanation, all kinds of things come to mind. I think the mystery of it makes it more interesting and gives it more "meat" for the mind.
Wonderful writing. Thanks for sharing.Source(s): your friend, shirley
- Kitty 2Lv 710 years ago
Down here where i live the owl is slick with oil
Wondering what happened to his home that has been soiled.
Fish are dying from that damn slick
Makes the owl so so sick.
What can we do said the oil so wise
Now he is flapping his wings in utter surprise.
God i cant die what did they do
My life cant be over now because THey want me to.
Take me away to a far away place ......................................!
Let me fill the ocean with out oil in my face.
- Lizzy ®Lv 710 years ago
is good to hear and runs with toned calves
straight up. Nice for morning walks and jogs and stuff
how could we forget them
as bones lay below
clattering secrets now told
- ?Lv 510 years ago
- -Lv 710 years ago
who? who? who?
I like the wise old owl in this,
he is hidden but knows their secrets.
Does he take flight to escape?
Or is he but the dark night's spy?
PS Lines, beats, rhyme scheme.....ummmm, right.
Ya got all that and stuff and such. Bravo