comments on short poem please?

I saw god in the back of that dark alleyway

she was wearing ripped jeans and a plaid shirt

I saw her crying and wiping her tired old eyes

when she noticed me she told me not to worry

but for some reason I still did

Now ten years later I’m in the middle of a desert

lost and confused in my own awareness, I’ve

been trying to find her, it’s been so long,

a bird with golden feathers watching me

from behind as I call her name over and over again

the desert sun scorching my face, and my eyes

blinded by the running sand, I wander

finally hearing her laughter, carried by the wind

I start laughing as well, and she sees me

we both smile and embrace each other

we stare at the stars for a while

and then it was time for her to leave

she told me once again not to worry

and this time I believed her as I watched

her disappear with the midnight breeze

3 Answers

  • Thomas
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Good, nice imagery and tone. The tone does a nice job stanza-stanza, changing with the emotion.

    I'm not sure about "the golden bird" tho, if it is a symbol i may be misinterpreting it, but the only birds in the desert are vultures usually, and to be golden means it's a blessing of sorts, vulture represent death...was this intended? If it was nicely done =\

    check mine, it's a cheesy love poem/nearly sonnet =)

  • 1 decade ago

    Hi. Very vivid, straight emotions from the heart, i love the detail and how you nicely blended in the things of nature with God, you made a point and i respect your writing. good job. You are bless with a great talent.

    Source(s): My thoughts.
  • 1 decade ago

    good but make god a guy.

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