Here is some details about my book. Tell me what you think?

Here are some details about my book I am writing. I won't include much and I will tell you this will be a series. I want you all to be full out honest. I have had great comments from friends and family even total strangers. I'll include a small paragraph from the book as well.

The book is about a boy who's life is completely changed for the rest of his life. In good and in bad. He learns of another world besides his that he has lived in for year. Little does he know that his remaining life will be filled with dangers, love, tragedy, and much, much, more. This book is based in an old time. The spoken language may seem different but the thoughts/narration is spoken in our time. The names are different as well. I hope that the world will enjoy this book as much as I have putting as I have working on it. Here is a couple of paragraphs from my book "The Dark Vail."

"My heart began to race, Tara was still fast asleep. I was glad she was I didn’t want her to see my end. I squeezed my eyes shut when I heard the first quiet step on the wooden floor. Could this possibly be the end of me? I couldn’t leave my sister she was too helpless, innocent. Who would look after her for me? Another step, my heart jumped it felt as if it would come out of my chest. Everything went completely quiet the only sound was the grass swaying in the wind, and the sound of the nearby river.

I felt a cold hand touch my neck and then my cheek, it was a woman's hand. My age, small skinny, yet smooth soft hands, I quickly turned over to catch them with my knife I had under my pillow but when I turned they were gone. I rolled to lie on my back looking up at my ceiling trying to calm my heart beat and slow my breathing. I couldn’t sleep the whole night, I stayed up looking around keeping watch everything seemed untouched. But those cold fingers, I’ll never forget how they felt."

Update:

Jeff your opinion is different than others. Realize your taste in books are not the same as others. Those people could very well be honest. You don't have a clue. But thank you for your honesty as well as everyone else.

I did have a typo it should say "I hope everyone enjoys this book as much as I have had working on it."

8 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    The idea is pretty hackneyed - very cliched. And your writing is nowhere near up to a publishable standard. Even setting aside the punctuation errors (and really, your puncutation is very bad) your sentence structures are dull and plodding, and there are very basic inconsistencies and bad word usages. And that's all in one short paragraph. No publisher would touch this.

    And Jeff is right, I'm afraid - lots of people will say they like your work here in the hope of getting 'best answer' and ten points. If you want a proper critique on your work, take a creative writing class or join a group like Critique Circle.

    Also... it's best to learn how to spell the title of your own book. There's no such word as 'vail'. If you mean something that covers/conceals a face, then it's 'veil'. If you mean a valley, then it's 'vale'.

    "I hope everyone enjoys this book as much as I have had working on it."

    That 'corrected' version of your sentence still makes no sense, by the way. For it to make sense, you need to replaced the word 'had' with 'enjoyed'. If you want to be a writer, you will SERIOUSLY need to be able to avoid those kinds of mistakes and make basic distinctions like that.

    Source(s): Professional writer.
  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    The idea for the story is fine and I have no problem with at all but you really do need to brush up on your grammar and spelling. It sounds as though you have rushed it in order to get it finished and that is not really a good idea. The reading of a story should be easy but I'm afraid that even the small paragraph you posted here had to be read over in order to fully understand the meaning.

    You certainly have mystery and drama in the piece and you obviously know what the story is about and what will happen next but the reader doesn't know that and you need to put that across. I suggest that you print it off and read it out loud or get someone to read it to you and you will hear the things that need altering. Take your time when writing and try to think of other ways to explain your story rather than writing the first thing and leaving it. If you edit it and get the grammar right you will probably have a very good story. Good luck with your writing.

    Source(s): Experience.
  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    in my opinion, it sounds slushy, cliché and uninspired.

    The only great work of creativity on this whole webpage are the people above me pretending they liked it for 10 points.

    edit - in responce, don't ask for criticism unless you want honest answers. Y/A is full of wannabe writers/singers/actors/dancers etc. like you, simply wanting their ego to be polished under the guise of asking opinions.

    Some of them may well have liked it, however as redstar said, it is no where near the standard required for a 1st time publisher.

  • 1 decade ago

    I would read it and it sounds like I would also enjoy it! I like the details in it and I think you could of possibly used a bit of foreshadowing with how the character would never forget how the hand felt. Nice technique there if you are.

    Source(s): me
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  • 1 decade ago

    It sounds like something I would read you should probably get it published you could make a lot of money.

  • 1 decade ago

    It looks like it would be a best seller, sounds very interesting to me! I wish i had good creative and imagination like you!!!

  • 1 decade ago

    I would read it

  • dk
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    excellent! great piece of writing. please remember all of us little people here when you become famous, won't you?

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