I just wrote this little rhyme/poem, what do you think of it.?

So I can't get him off of my mind, but I still got to stay on my grind. I got to stick to this thing called life even though he's no longer around to hold me tight. Even though, all that keeps playing in my head is that weekend, it ended with so many memories, and so I wish he was still right here beside me. I really want him to hold me tight again, safety and comfort is what his hold contains. I just miss his smiling face, and wish hed once again bless me with that grace. I just hate waiting at this pace for I love him as far as interplanetary space. He said im his frost in the winter and his bling in the summer, but Im his Diamond, forever. But, as the story goes time is the only thing that tell, will our love excel OR will it expel?

^^its there =)

So what did you think of it?

and no its not FOR anyone =)

4 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    I can't get him off of my mind,

    but I still got to stay on my grind.

    I got to stick to this thing called life

    even though he's no longer around to hold me tight.

    Even though, all that keeps playing in my head

    is that weekend,

    it ended with so many memories,

    and so I wish he was still right here beside me.

    I really want him to hold me tight again,

    safety and comfort is what his hold contains.

    I just miss his smiling face,

    and wish he'd once again bless me with that grace.

    I just hate waiting at this pace

    for I love him as far as interplanetary space.

    He said im his frost in the winter

    and his bling in the summer,

    but Im his Diamond, forever.

    But, as the story goes time is the only thing that tell,

    will our love excel OR will it expel?

    You need to put your poetry in lines. It makes it more pleasing to the eye and more readable. It also helps you figure out the meter and which words are supposed to rhyme. I don't know if the lines were supposed to be like that, because the structure was a bit messy, but that was a really good poem. I knew exactly what you were trying to tell through your poetry which is a LOT better than half the poetry i've read. If you fix up the lines, you could be a really good poet:)

  • 1 decade ago

    It is very informal. It lacks structure but the meaning/feel is good

  • Bekka
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    last line is the best, it doesnt really rhyme, if u want it to rhyme then make it ALL rhyme but otherwise keep it different.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    yea last line is the best

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