Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Arts & HumanitiesBooks & Authors · 1 decade ago

Have you ever been in a car crash?

If so, I need help. A mother and her teenage daughter are in a car. The car starts to slide, but the teenager manages to stop is because the mother in unconscious. The teen calls 911, and doesn't move the mother. The didn't hit anything, yet. Another car comes around the turn, going too fast, and causes the car with the main characters (mother and teen) to slide again, and the flip over a guardrail. The mother has to die, and the teen must escape with minor injuries. I advise you to go on worthyofpublishing and look me up (White_roses).

Link:

http://www.worthyofpublishing.com/chapter.asp?chap...

Thanks in advance!!

Update:

To the fourth person who posted:

She saw it. She has a vision she is still in the car when they see the crash. I have been re-working it since I posted that to be honest. I always second guess myself. Apparently for good reason too.

Anyway thank you, though I asked to ignore the spelling I appreciate it!!

4 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    This is good. I think that you should have the mom say like the girls name one last time and then die in the front seat. The girl should start to cry. She should keep crying until the police come and find her mother dead. The girl should then have to leave with the police. Does the girl have a dad? If not then it would make it real interesting for her to have to find a home.

  • 1 decade ago

    Yes I was in a car crash but luckily only the car was hurt. I'm not sure why you're asking when it sounds like you have a pretty well rounded idea to begin with. My first suggestion - try not to repeat words like special and rare so close together (then eyes). Plus, has she tried her gift before and killed people? It sounds like it, so be careful there.

    When did the small green car crash? Do they see it crash or do they come across it already crashed? Or was she thrown from the car - and she's looking at her own car? This part moves too fast and I'm not sure what's happening or when they start sliding. More details please because it's very confusing there. 'With her head' is a fragment, just revise. Then I'm not sure if the main character jumped into the driver's seat, on top of her mother or how to imagine it. When she calls 911 if she's really panicking would she speak so properly? 'My Mom and I were in an accident! She's unconscious!' Being able to deny what urge? Keep the tension and describe how scared she is there. When the last car hits, you have too many sentences starting with "I." Just mix it up.

    You have some spelling errors, hurricane, proud, carmel, their necks, immediately, definitely wrong (defiantly LOL?). Good action though so keep it up - good luck!

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Why would the mother be unconscious when the car is still moving? People normally get knocked out when there's a collision and the car stops suddenly.

    This doesn't sound very plausible, to be honest. Once the car's stopped it would take a _terrific_ blow for it to go over a safety rail. Twice the speed, give or take, that a single car would have to be going.

    Maybe the mother died of a heart attack and the crash was the result, not the cause.

  • It would have to be a really large car, or possibly a semi, to throw a stopped car over the guardrail.

    Assuming that you have a reason for the mother to pass out before the wreck, she'll need severe trauma in order to kill her. Blood loss, head trauma, etc.

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