SLY
Lv 5
SLY asked in Pregnancy & ParentingAdoption · 9 years ago

Is the request for an organ donation acceptable in reunion?

Is it less acceptable for birth families ask an adoptee to be donors or adoptees to ask birth family members?

I have seen it discussed in legislation that organ donation is a valid reason for an adoptee to need their natural parents name, so clearly it is acceptable for an adoptee to make a request of natural family members. Is it okay if the shoe is on the other foot, and a natural family member needs one? Just curious.

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  • 9 years ago
    Best Answer

    You know Sly, you ask a very good question because I DO believe there is a double standard in families separated through adoption when it comes to organ donation.

    I know 100% I would donate an organ to my son, even if it would have been the only thing he wanted from me. I don't know if any other members of my family would volunteer, but they probably would.

    However, with certainty I know that my son would not donate. He has refused contact with his sisters and the rest of his (natural) family ... keeping me around at his disposal every time he feels like socking me a punch. I know a lot of it has to do with feeling intimidated and lack of self-esteem because his upbringing was horrific *abuse* - in light of that, he would be too p*ssed off to see any of us benefit from something HE gave.

    Good question - I think we owe it to one another as family just as we do as friends.

  • Takeah
    Lv 6
    9 years ago

    I think it should be acceptable either way and vice versa. Family is family. The biological family AND the adoptee should be given the chance to help, if they want to or not is up to them.

  • 9 years ago

    My mother has a brother (via my grandfather) who was lost to adoption in the early 50's. They have been in contact, he has stated that he does not want an ongoing relationship, and my mother is very respectful of that.

    She did say, though, that she wanted to keep the doors open always "in case he needs a kidney or something". :-) So, I guess, if my uncle came a-knockin', my mother would be more than willing to do what she could for him.

    I'm not sure what the dynamics are for most families, I can only speak for my own. I can only hope that compassion would prevail in most cases, but I could understand if anyone thought that was too much to ask, adoption-related or not. I would love to have a relationship with my uncle, but he's simply not interested. So, if he called me for the sole purpose of medical help...? I don't know. Who's to say that the timing wasn't just wrong, he wanted to meet anyway, but it turned out he needed help?

    I'd love to be there for him and his family, my cousins, if I was ever given the chance.

    I don't know if one is more acceptable than the other. I guess...the way I see it in my family is that my uncle is sort of "in charge" of how things go down, because he is the one who is not wanting a relationship, so given the dynamic, it might be odd if one of us contacted him, though desperation could lead to anything, I suppose. I'm just wondering if the dynamic of who found whom, and who wants a relationship, who's most invested, etc., could play a role in how such a request would be received...

    Thought provoking question!

    Source(s): Foster/Adoptive Mom of 2 siblings
  • kitta
    Lv 5
    9 years ago

    Requests for organ donation are problematic whether adoption is involved or not. People have died in the process or lost the use of their own organs. Surgery is involved. Risk is involved.

    OTOH, people should be able to ask and people should be able to know if there is a problem they could help out with.

    I don't believe in closed records for either side. Family members should be able to discuss medical issues from either side. They have a right to say "yes' or "no."

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  • 9 years ago

    I don't see why not.

    When someone is faced with death, or the death of a loved one - you go anywhere you can to find a cure/treatment.

    And, you can ask, and the person is well within their rights to say no. And that goes for both surrendering parents/families and the adoptee.

  • 9 years ago

    Context of the relationship is important, but I don't see why not. Might be a bit "odd" feeling asking. We've had a few transplants in the fam--and the person doing the donating was always a volunteer.

  • Erin L
    Lv 5
    9 years ago

    Well, I don't think records should be closed anyway. But, yes, I think it's a okay for either party to ask that; it's life and death. I can certainly see though, that for either party to be approached for reunion and that being laid out right at the start, it would be more overwhelming than I could possibly even imagine.

  • 9 years ago

    Though I was the one that searched and found....I would have been devastated (and creeped out) if my daughter had searched for me, only to avail herself of 'spare body-parts'....eeeeekkk! Personally, I believe, from either side of the surrender/adoption equation...is quite creepy looking for genetically-related people, with the sole agenda for contact...the donation of 'spare body-parts'. Reminds me of the scene from a Frankenstein movie...where ne'er do well's are digging up graves for body parts.

    Still is up to the parties involved to decide, should I or shouldn't I. No right or wrong, is an individual choice to do so or not.

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    If that's the reason for the reunion, then I think it's acceptable provided you are honest about it up front.

    Expecting an answer of "yes" is unacceptable, though.

  • 9 years ago

    Of course. There is nothing wrong with "asking"...

    Requesting is perfectly acceptable as long as one remembers that no one has a "right" - either moral or legally to another's organ.

    Declining to offer up one's liver or kidney is also perfectly acceptable.

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