Anonymous asked in Arts & HumanitiesBooks & Authors · 9 years ago

Do you guys like my short story . Brutal honesty please?

met him at the library while I was studying. He sat down a table away from me. I stared at him, he was handsome the way his brown hair fell across his pale forehead, he caught me looking with admiration shining in my eyes, he had the most vibrant green eyes I ever beheld and his lips were the color of wet cotton candy. He shook his head and continued writing in his notebook.

An hour later he caught me still looking at him, I couldn’t help it I was addicted. He gathered his books and came over to me and sat down, right in front of me, I couldn’t help but smile. He smiled back his face lighting up, you could just see the mischievous gleam blaze in his eyes.

“You are beautiful, he said.”

That’s all it took, that’s when I started to fall in love with him.

Every hour, every minute of every day, we’d bask in each other’s presence.

I t was the best part of my life, being with him. He was like a thirst I couldn’t quench. I needed him.

We’d take long walks around town at midnight. Cuddle close while watching heart wrenching movies.

He was all I could see, a light in my darkness; he was the music to my ears.

I loved him with a need that was desperate and he…loved me back and that put the smile on my face knowing he loved me like I loved him.

We were soul mates.

We were each other’s saviors.

Sometimes we’d sleep in an abandoned farmhouse and keep each other warm with our body heat. We’d have moments were we laughed with a laugh that said it all.

Then one day, he confessed something that was one his mind, a truth that was so horrible I couldn’t even imagine.

“Elli, I have Leukemia “.

I stared at him, a joke. He was playing.

But the raw truth is he wasn’t.

He was getting weaker every day and paler.

Seeing him dying was twisting my heart each day, on his death bed before he took his last breath he whispered “I Love you Elli “.

I couldn’t imagine a life devoid of my sweet David.

From the hospital I ran, and ran. I stopped at a barren area. I fell to the moist soil and wailed my whole body convulsing with violent sobs. With anew determination I got up and walked to the craggy cliff on the end of the field, I looked for the last time at the picture in my locket David gave to me, a picture of him, and his vibrant green eyes happy.

“You go down I go down “I whispered to the picture and jumped to the crashing waves below.

5 Answers

  • 9 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    Very emotional& descriptive. A little too lovey for me. But a good crossing of paths of eternity& love.

  • 9 years ago

    Considering I'm a guy, it wasn't my type of story.

    It was a REALLY good story. I liked it and I think you should keep adding to it and make it longer and longer until you have a novel. Add hints here and there that he has the Leukemia. I think I've heard enough stories of lovers where one has cancer or something so I kind of didn't take it as a surprise but the ending was definetly a suprise I loved. Keep writing. :]

  • speth
    Lv 4
    4 years ago

    all of us understand extra with regard to the seems of Widow Seymour than Sarah. A reader desires to narrate on your important characters and have a psychological photograph of who they are. discover out how JKR provides a discription on the introduction of each and every character as they seem in the Harry Potter series. and not using a private relationship to the biggest characters, readers would possibly under no circumstances get previous the slower sections on an identical time as analyzing. Did JKR have slower sections? She had over 0.5 a million pages for youthful readers to get via! - and that they continued to make certain how their familiar character faired in that e book (i became happy to work out Hagrid final see you later. I dreaded he could have been the fatality in OOTP) That is going for the boy in the window and different key characters.

  • 9 years ago

    This could be a really good book. You should make it longer, turn it into a real book. It sounds really good, but I still think you should make it longer and more descriptive.

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  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    I thought u said it was a short story? When I finished it I wanted to jump off a cliff!!

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