I need some marital advice please!!!?
o.k this is very embarrassing but I wanted to ask if anyone else has had this issue before. So briefly I will say about my situation, both me and my husband have been together for 7 years, going on 5 years of marriage. In that time we have had 2 kids. I have one that is just over 2 years and a infant that is 6.5 months. I have to admit our sex life has been lacking. Just yesterday we had this huge fight over it and it made me very upset. I am doing a lot around the house, taking care of the kids, waking up every morning at 5:30 -6 am and waking up at least once maybe twice a night to nurse our little girl. Now, I am not complaining about my kids but I felt like I was being attacked yesterday by him. I really don't ask much from him, all he does is work during the day and that's it. I feel bad because I don't know if its me, or if I am just loosing my attractiveness towards him?. And I don't care what people say, having 2 kids so close together does a lot to a women's body and it takes a while for that to bounce back. I love my family, but this is so bad and I just don't know what to do.
yes I said that he only works..a 9-5 job with 2 breaks and a lunch break...I don't get a break all day long!!! so when I say that it means that he throws that back at me all the time! I used to work before I had my daughter and take care of our son and the house work EVERYTHING!!!.
- DoraliseLv 410 years agoFavorite Answer
I don't necessarily think that you are losing your attractiveness towards him, I think that you are tired. You have two kids under 3 and that is very stressful. I suggest that you have him be involved with the children to not only give you a break but to let him bond with the kids. Perhaps its not just sex but he may be feeling like you aren't giving him the attention he needs. I think that if it possible, for just one night out of the week, get a babysitter to take care of the kids. You may not necessarily need to leave the house but you two need to have some time together. You need to feel like a woman again, desirable and attractive and not just "mommy". When you ask for his help with the kids, don't snap at him or sound like you are nagging, say in a kind and calm tone that you would appreciate his help with the kids. Perhaps he can feed the 2 year old or bath him while you are taking care of the baby.
- CoeurDeLionLv 510 years ago
It always breeds resentment when one partner thinks they are the one shouldering "everything". It also means a bit of trouble when either partner starts using the "always" and "never" words. Almost all of these issues come down to the communication between the two partners. When things are going rough between my wife and I, it is so often about communication; she or I haven't explained well how we feel, leading to argument and resentment when the other "doesn't understand". Of course, the physical changes when one has kids, mean that you have to both learn to change the new reality. If you both really love one another, then you'll learn to accept these changes, and to work with them. If you can't work with them, then it shows an unwillingness on one or both of your parts, to live your life together.
Is his work physical? Mentally demanding? Sometimes the half in a marriage that feels overworked, actually worked themself into that position- I'm not suggesting that with you, but it got like that with my wife- she was working long hours and was very tired, so she let things slide into my hands. I made the mistake of gritting my teeth and getting on with it- picking up the messy things after her, putting her clothes away, cleaning up both our dishes, and tackling everything that she left undone, so I was getting more and more frustrated. I didn't want to accuse her of being lazy, but one day at my in-laws, her mother gave her a talking to, and asked her if I had to pick up after her, just the same as she used to... and my wife was truly upset that I didn't give her a few jogs of the elbow to say "I think you need to pull your weight here a bit more" because I'd simply got on and done the stuff, bottling up the frustration.
If your husband "attacks" you, is it because you're confrontational, and try to put your arguments out front first? If he's mature enough, the pair of you need to get away somewhere together, leave the kids with someone else, and then talk things through like adults- then you can maybe work out a "manual" for your household. This sounds excessively organised, but it can be the best way to ensure that you have a fair share of chores.
- Anonymous10 years ago
If you look like hell from the pregnancy , diet and exercise will do a lot to remedy that. Pretty simple really.
Additionally you get breaks all day.Kids sleep, you play with the kids ( hardly work ) and anything you do , you do on your terms and at your own pace.
You nap , take breaks have fun with the kids, watch T.V. , go on the computer , talk to friends on the phone and a lot of other things he doesn't get to do.
Quit whining and get your shyt together unless you like the idea of being a single mother of two.
- AveryLv 410 years ago
I think the stress of having two kids so close together is getting to you both. You because you have to watch them 24/7 and him because he may be wondering if he is providing enough for you all and doing everything he can as a husband and father. Instead of arguing, sit down as mature adults and talk about it - no name calling, no gunnysacking, no hitting below the belt. None of that. You are grown adults who have been together seven years and married for five and have two beautiful children. That means both of you need to start being the grown, mature adults you have to be.
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- Anonymous10 years ago
You saying that he only 'works' all day and that's it...is that problem right there. You actually resent him.
- Oakville RocksLv 610 years ago
Once you get past the 7th year, things will improve.