Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Education & ReferenceWords & Wordplay · 9 years ago

Could someone give me some advice about my essay please?

Essay:

Britain during World War 1 was a highly advanced society as shown by its technology, social organization and wisdom. A strong society that has made the most progress technologically and has foresight is more likely to endure. An advanced society also has to have the ability to organize its people to collectively address a threat. These characteristics made Britain an advanced society.

During the Great War, the British utilized tried technology such as the musket and the rifle, but also relied on greater usage of artillery and the invention of new weapons such as the self-powered machine gun and the gas canister. The advent of this new technology changed the way that war was fought. Artillery and machine guns turned the battlefields into muddy wastelands. Gas, first used by the Germans, proved to be a deadly weapon. Battles were no longer fought just on fields, but in trenches and tunnels.

The war was not fought only by the soldiers on the battlefield, but by the people they left behind as well. As the men were expected to join the army and fight, women were forced to take over many of the jobs that they vacated. Women at the time were also expected to provide morale support and raise their children. In order to keep up morale on the Home Front as bodies began arriving home, the Germans were portrayed as the race enemy of the British and sometimes depicted as beasts and skeletons in propaganda materials. Posters were also used to encourage people to work harder and conserve scarce resources such as bread. The ability to organize and rally the citizens of a society effectively is a characteristic of an advanced society.

The war left its mark on Britain. Many memorials were erected in memory of all the men who died or were injured during the war and as a reminder to younger generations not to repeat the mistakes of the past. Throughout France, there are many graveyards which contain the remains of British Soldiers. Many poems such as “In Flanders Fields” were written by soldiers on the front lines. Many artists portrayed the scene directly, painting a vivid image of the battles, the courage and the suffering endured. Other portrayals are such as the grieving mother at the Vimy Memorial not as direct, but are just as moving and serve equally as a reminder of the horrors of war.

Advanced societies are societies which are organized, can innovate and are prudent enough to remind future generations to avoid the mistakes of the past. Britain was an advanced society during World War One and still is advanced by the standards of today.

Just some overall pointers on what I did poorly and how to fix it. Thanks.

2 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    9 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    Couple of pointers:

    Muskets were obsolete by the 1870s and were not in use by the British army during WW1. They used the Lee Enfield rifle. Muskets were front loaders, and not general issue.

    While Britain was an advanced nation, so too was Germany. The war bogged down in part because of a technological stalemate. The other problem with the war was the intransigence of the generals. The British generals refused to abandon outdated tactics that caused the mass slaughter of their own troops. Haig's refusal to change and adapt was an excellent example. One reason Vimy Ridge was a success was the Canadian commander's use of new and innovative tactics. The war would have ended much sooner if the Generals were less rigid. Being advanced didn't help when the generals were stuck in a different era. They never quite adapted to machine guns and barb wire.

    I'd have left the "wisdom" part out completely. There was a marked lack of wisdom by all those who rushed headlong into the carnage.

    The essay would have flowed a lot better if you bumped up the punctuation. There are sections that are a bit difficult to follow. You have some good ideas that would have been much stronger if the lack of commas hadn't let you down a bit.

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  • 4 years ago

    It seems that your purpose is to answer the question you posed int eh second paragraph: how do they survive the conflicts they face in the story when they are so different. Make your purpose statement the answer to that question; you may need to write the essay first to truly understand (and thus better phrase) the answer.

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