How to solve in laws problem with our being vegan?

Today at my fiancés birthday party, (that we weren't given notice for) his parents got pizza, lasagna and ice cream cake-- even though we are vegan...My fiancé, "Tim" (who hasn't gotten rid of dairy yet) ate the cheese pizza and the lasagna (no meat) and had ice cream cake.  I had a small salad. I was pretty upset that they didn't talk to us first as "Tim" works a night shift job and he had to rush to work after dinner. He had Friday night completely free and it would have been more enjoyable then as well as if I was included in the food plans (his cousin, "Joe" and his new gf were consulted about the food). 

We bring our own dish to share when we go places but most people in our lives seem to think we should just eat  meat anyways (I was told I should have pizza and lasagna while I was up there).  I'm angry and hurt for being excluded, but also angry that people seem to belittle my food choices. I am not uptight about being vegan, I understand that it's personal choice but I'm marrying their son and won't be going anywhere. What should I do for future dinners with them? 

On a side note I don't know how well they take to personal opinions and beliefs. I have mentioned I want kids at 26 (I'm 21, he's 24) and "Tim" agrees but she's been trying to convince him to wait till 40 like she did.  ( At which now his dad might not even remember our wedding in a year or be around for his first grandchild in 5 or so years because of Alzheimer's) I wouldn't even know what to do ( tell them or wait until it's obvious) if I became pregnant before that time, I get from them that abortion is okay for young woman who didn't plan to get pregnant. ( I am on birth control)

--Please excuse the befuddled-ness of it as I am ill---



Obviously you don't understand the meaning of they didn't tell me. They had all food ready for him to go over there, we didn't know it was going on. My fiancé also told his parents he is vegan but since he had some dairy a couple days before he didn't want to not eat what they had gotten. The pizza was ordered and the cousin cooked the lasagna at her house. I don't see how I would have helped. And also brought Tofurky, gravy, veggies and cake for thanksgiving because I understand they don't cater to me and their son. Maybe you should read the post properly next time. When I KNOW I'm going somewhere I bring something everyone can have some of.

6 Answers

  • 9 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    It's up to Tim to make sure that there's no issues between you and the in laws.

    Since they excluded your dietary choice from his party (I understand not making he cake and main dish vegan since he's not, but more than a side salad would have been nice), he should talk to his parents about having more vegan options in the future for plans that include the two of you. As for when you have a baby, it's none of their business, it's between the two of you (plus, it's healthier to have the baby at a younger age).

    If there's any friction between the inlaws, it's up to the spouse to be the one to smooth things over. Just like if your parents were to disrespect him, it would be up to you to talk to your parents on behalf of him.

    Source(s): Miss Manners, at some point I read this in the paper
  • 9 years ago

    I agree with the answers above...

    Pot-luck style... maybe you could have something ready in the freezer for the occasions that they don't pre-arrange with you...

    It's really insensitive. I dont knock others who eat meat. I dont like being knocked because I dont eat it. Speak to your husband to be, tell him how it makes youfeel. ou dont want to be stuck up, but a little consideration on their part really isnt much to ask for...

    and you're right about the children thing... dont listen. you and Tim already discussed it. it's your marriage, not your in-laws. besides, the older you are, the more the possibility for problems in pregnancy. And never abort... I have heard horror stories about women who cannot forgive themselves for taking the life of their own child... besides, even if you do have a slip and fall pregnant earlier, then that's it. It happened. You're still gonna love the child.

    Be aware though that birth control pills used for a long time can cause cancer and it really messes up your hormones... My sister in law used the stuff for 11 years, and when she treid to come off it, her hormones went whack! Not sure if there is a safe alternative, but I think keeping an eye on your cycles, booking it and marking the safe areas, you'll be fine. That's what my mom did when she was married, and her inlaws thought she was infertile - but she just had control

    ok sorry for the detour, but hope this helps you!!!

  • 9 years ago

    I know exactly how you feel i am not a vegan myself but i use to be & i go on vegetarian diets all year round only eating chicken/or turkey once every few months,but i have always been surrounded by meat-eaters & i learned early on to cook 4 myself because some ppl may not really understand what to cook for you or they just think your being picky.-_-

    My whole life i've been this way & now at 22 my family (mom) has just really started acknowledging it & may randomly make things not containing meat (for me) but all in all your on your own & not until time goes by will they see its a serious food choice.And for the pregnancy thing,that is yours & tim's choice(not his mother's) when you decide to have one, this is not a remake of his mother's life but the beginning for a whole new one for you & him

    Good Luck :)

  • Jxsxn
    Lv 4
    9 years ago

    being vegetarian is a personal choice, why are you bothered that people exclude you. Obvioulsy you in-laws have no idea how to cater to you. so either show up early to help cook or bring your own food and sto complaining.

    Sometimes people have better things to think about then catering to all your needs

    When I go to supper to family or friends that are not used to veggy people, i try to snack before

    and i'll eat whatever I can find acceptable.

    because when meat eaters come to my house I won't start cooking steak for them so why should they do the same

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  • Wow. I'm sorry your inlaws are so thick-headed and insensitive. Your future-husband should stick up for you more regarding his parents. Perhaps in the future, events like this should take place at your place, and be a "pot luck" style? That way everyone can provide something, and you'll be certain to get what you need in regards to nutrition.

  • 4 years ago

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