Behavior Issues in a 6 year old girl?

My daughter is classified as "intense". She has very emotional outbursts and can not calm down. They start with the smallest things such as needing to do homework before watching a movie. I have followed the love and logic books and they work for a while and then it stops working. Here is my issue. When she gets upset, we do not call it a "time-out" we call it "quiet time" and she is expected to go to her room and calm down. It works about 50% of the time. The other 50%, she goes in there screaming and destroys, literally destroys, her room. I mean takes clothes out of the drawers, off the hangers, clears out bookshelves, rips the sheets off her bed...she even took the mattress off once. So when she is in this mood of destruction, how can I get her to calm down with out ripping apart her bedroom. If I put her anywhere else, she will not stay (sometimes she will not stay in her room either). I live with my parents and I am constantly on pins and needles trying to avoid these meltdowns because it makes everyone else uncomfortable. Please help me before I lose my mind!!!


We have already talked to a doctor and child psychologist and she has learned coping skills and ways to work through her anger. Sometimes it just doesn't work. This is a mental condition and I don;t think that "slapping the sh*t out of her" will teach her to calm down, but thanks.

7 Answers

  • 9 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    Sometimes a light *** whooping works great. Very effective in many famlies. Usually it only take once or twice. A moist open hand on the *** is very effective. then after place on a chair or stool in corner and watch her and make her sit on it for a time you find reasonable. then after apolagize and let her know know why it happened. Easy stuff.

  • 9 years ago

    As you work on staying consistent with your daughter, you are going to have an even better relationship. It is best to keep the discipline both consistent and non-physical. One of the best things that you can do for your daughter is to catch her being good, when she does something the way that you would like her to do something, for example, listening to an instruction the first time you give it, praise her, praise her praise her. This will go a LONG way. Find little things that she is doing right, applaud the effort that she is making and let her know that she is doing a good job.

    If you feel her condition is out of control or needs to be monitored, talk to her pediatrician.

    Preteach her that if she is going to destroy her room while in quiet time, she will need to help put it back together or she will lose some of her favorite things in her room and will have to earn them back with good behavior.

    If you have any further questions, give our hotline a call. The Boys Town hotline is a parenting hotline. It is open 24 hours a day/seven days a week.

    - Sara, Counselor


  • 9 years ago

    Tell her before she even gets mad or upset and give her a punching bag or a pillow and tell her to take it out on this not her room. Tell her it is unacceptable to rip her room apart and if she does so she will be the one to clean up the mess not you. Tell her you understand that she gets mad and upset because everyone does. This is how big girls take their anger out. books and crap does not work. Maybe you can write a list before anything even starts. When she comes home from school Ask her what she would like to do for fun today. watch a movie, play outside, so on so forth and tell her for every fun thing we have to do my list. For instance if she has a math sheet. Put math then movie, Then for spelling then put other fun things so on and so forth this may elevate the outbursts. I work with autistic children and the list works because it gives them some control and they will know what is coming it does not seem like it is out of the blue. Have rewards too like if she completes a task put a mark on the calender and if she does everything without a fit she gets something very special like going out for ice cream or a toy or a dollar. Something she would really enjoy. Praise her after she does something. If she refuses to work say ill wait on you and just sit there and ignore the tantrum. If you do send her to her room that is fine but once she tries to tear things up just pick her up and put her on the bed and say NO MA-AM and just keep doing that. In a calm voice. Th is is what we have to do sometimes with my clients Just say NO Ma-am when you calm down you may do something else. When you finish your homework you may watch a movie or whatever. I think if you create a list i think this may help you.

    list example

    if she changes her mind about what she wants let her that is fine as long as she finishes your list first.

    Tell her my list has to come first but when we get done you can do what you would like. Have an everyday routine too if all possible. That may help her tantrum also.

    Daughter's list mommy's list

    games---- spelling

    tv math

    outside reading


    Source(s): behavior therapist for autistic children Parent of a six year old and 9 year old.
  • 9 years ago

    Where is her father, and were you three ever together? I wonder if this was something which changed in her life. This type of change can be traumatic for a child... children tend to blame themselves, and/or harbor intense fear over situations and events which they've lived through.

    Have you considered on-going therapy? Many times it takes a neutral party who is trained to work with and help children through their issues.

    If you believe your daughter has a mental condition she needs to be observed by a therapist for a while, and then to see a psychiatrist. These two mental health professionals can work together as the therapist makes behavior observations, to determine whether she is suffering some emotional trauma or there is a real illness involved. These things take time. I'm sorry you're struggling with this and that your daughter is suffering (and she is).


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  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    I know a lot of you out there will disapprove with me but

    when my daughter was little and really misbehave bad

    a slap on the bottom usually did the trick.

    I'm not saying slap her out of control just a slap the way

    our parents did back then.

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    I would have slapped the sh*t out of my daughter from day one for doing something like that. You've let her be in control. Now she's running the show, not you.

  • 9 years ago

    maybe you can try talking to a doctor about it. she may have a medical condition and can't control her outbursts. maybe there is something they can do to help her. good luck

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