Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 9 years ago

Can't understand what's her problem?

I'll be blunt. I'm a guy, and I have "needs". We've been datin' for four years, we've been livin' for three years, and this is the longest I've gone without shaggin' anyone. My girlfriend's a bit reserved. Unlike most of the women I've been with, she's easily hurt and a wee bit sensitive, but for some incredible, unbelievable reason, she said she wanted to give it a go. So a week ago we had sex, everything was fantastic until we woke up the next morning. She catches me staring at her and goes all teary, next thing I know, she runs out of the room and won't come out of the bloody toilet.

After a day or two, she says sorry and cheers me up. I casually touch her hair and she flinches. And that's when I lost it. Long story short, I shouted at her and left our flat.

Thing is, I'm an a**hole for doing that, I get it, but the thing is, I don't even think we're in a relationship.

Why? Well, a) She refuses to tell her friends, b) Whenever we run into anyone she knows, she'll tell 'em I'm her "friend", c) If I try anything remotely sexual she gets stiff and treats me like I'm some rapist, and finally d) During the sex, I asked her this, "Do you even like me?" and replied with a "Sometimes."

I mean, c'mon, seriously. I even asked her to marry me and she took it as a joke and didn't give a sodding clear answer. I need some reassurance here. If I try to talk to her about it, she'll glare at me and go b*tchy. I don't understand her. Then, if I tell her that I'm not sure whether she loves me, she'll once again go b*tchy and furious, telling me she likes me a lot. I don't think she's ever told me she loves me. Not in four, bleedin', years, never. It's like I'm the only one trying here.

So right now, we've "made up" but I feel damn annoyed and can't help but wonder why loving someone's this hard.

This is pretty much 90% rant, but here's my question. Is this some one-sided thing? How am I supposed to "talk it out" with her?

Right well, sorry for the long intro, but I'm in a serious dilemma here because I've compulsively bought a bloody engagement ring and I don't have any idea what to do with it.

Update:

Nah, she's never been abused. I like her Mum. Very nice woman, nice family, except her Dad passed away a few years ago.

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  • 9 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    Man your only solution is to talk to her about it. Take her out to dinner and then start the topic. She needs to understand how you're feeling. You've been dating for 4 freaking years!!! Its worth a try. I hope this helps :)

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  • 9 years ago

    I am sorry to hear about the fighting in the relationship. do u know if something tragic happened in the child hood. like was she raped abused, something that would make her sensitive to having people touch her? Maybe she just doesn't like you as much anymore. To "talk it out" just ask her is she happy? does she want out of the relationship? and she might tell her friends that your her "friend" because shes embarassed by you. But u should sit down and just put everything on the table. U dont even have to look up questions to ask or anything just ask liek you would anything else. Or maybe just purpose and then maybe she will change.

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  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    sometimes conservites think that the plan is to meet someone you can tolerate easily and get married. if she has never told you she loves you in 4 years than something is wron. confront her about it and if she goes all biatchy about it look her in the eyes an say "i love you and i feel like you dont love me! can you tell me if im right or wrong so i can stop wasting my time?" if she gets emotional just walk out and say ill come get my stuff later. she's in a real need for a reality check dont you think? and if she never tells anyone NOT EVEN HER FRIENDS! that you are her boyfriend then she isnt in it like you are. i think you bassically ranted your way into the answer that your relationship is stuck in the toilet just like she was.

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  • 9 years ago

    i actually didnt read any of this. in the past she has been hurt physically, emotionally by some a hole and she wants you to understand and empathize or leave. suggest you both seek counseling if you want to move forward

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