Sick boyfriend. Mom doesn't think he will provide a secure future?
So I've been with a guy for a little over a year. He's a great guy, treats me well, and i can't really say anything bad about him. However, he has a lot of illnesses: diabetes, weak bones, he passes out, hair loss, and on top of this he does not eat healthy, exercise and even smokes. So my mom does not approve of me settling with him because obviously she wants a secure future for me, healthy kids, and does not want my husband to become dependent on me due to his illnesses. My mother is also suffering from paranoia, and depression. I don't want to further risk her mental health by going against her desires. On the other hand, I'm afraid I'll regret leaving this great guy over things he have no control over. But I do realize, marriage is more than just marrying a 'nice' boyfriend, and I don't want to risk my or my kids future at this expense.
What should I do? I understand from a parents perspective that they would want the best for their child. But I'm confused.
- ?Lv 48 years agoFavorite Answer
I know is sounds unkind but I tend to side with your mum on this. Do you really want to tie yourself down with someone with the issues this guy has. Apart from anything else with diabetes he certainly should not be smoking. I have diabetes in my family and it is a very dangerous condition which, if you do not look after yourself, will kill you. However, if you DO take care of yourself you can live with it quite well.
If you want to have children then you owe it to them to give them a happy secure future, and I am talking financially here. Money doesn't buy happiness, but believe me life can be very very miserable if you don't have it and it limits your life choices. One other thing, any children you had with this guy stands a very high risk of also getting diabetes. You don't give your age but I imagine you are quite young. You and any children you have in the future deserve the best out of life you can get. This guy obviously won't be able to provide for you and your children - go find someone who can.
- historyLv 78 years ago
Hopefully you don't plan to wed until you are at least 24 anyway. Right?
Strong women tend to think things over and decide that they can handle it. Often, unfortunately, without actually having an informed realistic knowledge of what that really means.
No one who is actually mature enough to get married even talks about marriage with someone they haven't known well for at least 2 years. So what's the rush?
You can like this guy. But since he doesn't care squat about his own health and life... appreciate him as a person you've had the opportunity to know. And keep you eyes open for other guys to date.
- WokaLv 68 years ago
The one comment you made was you don't want to leave him over things he has no control over, and I totally agree. Dating someone and they find out they have cancer, or they are in a car accident and loose a leg, these are things they can't control. However your boyfriends diabetes and hair loss, and passing out all have to do with how he eats, so I would sit him down and explain to him what he means to me., How much I love and care about him and for that reason I am not going to be able to sit by and watch him slwoly kill himself, he needs to go and see a diatician who can give him some good food choices, etc and get to talking to a gym insturctor etc. He needs to put plans in action to live a healthy lifestyle because you want him around, for a long time, or you do not see the point of continuing.
- MadokaLv 78 years ago
If his health issues concern you then you should make sure he's willing to do the things it takes to manage them. Otherwise you're setting yourself up for heartbreak. But aside from that there is NO REASON to end a relationship with someone because they have diabetes. I'm shocked that you're even considering it.
You're not going to "risk your mom's mental health by going against her desires". WTF do you even mean by that?? Is she going to control your life forever?
- How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
- ladyhawke707Lv 78 years ago
well you love him but you need to make some tough choices now. Are you willing to risk having children with health issues and the heart break that comes with it? Are you willing to become the sole provider for your family if your husband become to sick to work? Are you willing to run the risk of him dying early because of his health issues and you being a single mom? If you trully think you can be up to this monumental task and your love will endue you should marry him.
- Foxxxybeach MLv 58 years ago
yeah i woulldnt he just wants a nursy mommy unless you love him so much you can support him then go ahead but skitso mom is right
- Anonymous8 years ago
Life insurance ? a lot of it .
- GuidoLv 58 years ago
he's not a good candidate to keep your gene pool going.