Anonymous asked in Arts & HumanitiesBooks & Authors · 9 years ago

Is there any possible way to make this sound better?

Black spots filtered Evie's vision as she woke up from her dreamless sleep. Sucking In a nervous breath, she didn't know where she was. Looking around, she then felt foolish. White walls surrounded her, along with a purple dresser and light purple curtains covering a large window. There was a single mirror over top of the dresser and a bedside table beside the bed, it was her bedroom. She still got confused as to where she was every time she woke up in that room. She missed her old room.

Looking over her shoulder she searched for her alarm clock. She was confused when she didn't see it on the bedside table. She looked to the floor and sighed at what she found. It was lying on the floor broken into pieces. It had been broken since the day before; she had just forgotten to replace it.

Getting up, she avoided the broken pieces and walked to the window. Slowly opening the curtains she let her eyes adjust to the brightness of the sun at their own pace. The sun a bright orange-yellow stood out amongst the light blue sky; there wasn't a single cloud in sight. Smiling brightly she walked over to her bed; she took her sheets off and put them into the laundry basket. For some weird reason they were dirty, it was as if she had been rolling in mud. Looking down at her red pyjama shorts and her white singlet top, she realized that they too, were in fact dirty. Confused she thought back to the night before, she didn't remember going out.

Sighing, she finished her chores and took a shower. She was just finishing her hair when she heard a car horn honk, signalling the arrival of her parents. Laughing slightly, she ran down the hall of her very small apartment. Her hands jittery from excitement opened the door.


If you have any comments on how to make it better feel free to tell me :)

Also if you see any grammar mistakes could you point them out? Thanks

- Kaytee ♥


1 Answer

  • 9 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    Rating: ★★★★★

    Brilliant. Unlike some people, you actually mastered physical sensations; I don't have to guess where the character is. That was a selling point. Keep going! ☁

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