Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 8 years ago

What to do about in-law problems?

Long story short...

I do not get along with most of my husband's family. His grandmother is such a *****. She criticizes everything I do and is extremely selfish and inappropriate. Examples: when my mom was in the hospital dying a few months ago I invited my mother in law only (who I like and don't really have problems with) to come see my mom one last time. Then my grandmother in law decided she was coming too and also brought my brother in law (who is only 14). She didn't even know my mom, invited herself into the hospital room, and then acted like she was all sad that my mom was dying. And then she invited all her friends (who never even met my mom) to the funeral.

Then a couple weeks after my moms funeral she called and yelled at my husband because she hadn't gotten a thank you card for the flowers she sent yet. I was like "excuse me, my mother just died and all you care about is your stupid thank you card???" (she does this all the time)

She also tried to control every aspect of my wedding, including where it would be and what the decorations would look like. Fortunately I didn't let her help.

She is always saying things to make me feel bad.

Also, I hate my cousin-in-law and aunt-in-law. My husband's aunt is obnoxious and so rude. She yelled at me and made me cry on our wedding day because I didn't take her precious daughter to get her nails done (because I ran out of time because I was busy!!!). She also told my husband before we got married that he shouldn't marry me and she is always acting like she is superior and so much smarter than everyone else. Her daughter acts the same way. She is 16 but is so immature. They don't even acknowledge me at family functions and are always looking down on me like I corrupted my husband.

His whole family is very judgmental. My husband was raised catholic (but stopped practicing just after we met). They all act like I'm from the devil and tore him away from his faith (it was his decision). His grandmother also informed us that my husband is going to hell unless I convert to Catholicism so he can receive communion again (which he doesn't want to). We want to have a baby soon and I'm sure they will all be talking about my unbaptized devil baby in no time.

Please help! I have no idea how to deal with these people. They have family functions like 3 times per month and I really hate going! Any suggestions for ways to cope?

2 Answers

  • Favorite Answer

    Just like your husband decided not to go to church because I'm sure of his own reasoning, I recommend both of you should make the decision to move away from all this and just enjoy your life. I'm sure you guys are good citizens that love each other.

    When letting him know in a private place with time to talk, hug him while saying what about if you guys move to a place where your family can have more peace with love to enjoy. This should help with peace and more love to your family

    I hope you can be stay at home wife that takes care of all the woman things and he is taking care of all the man things like lifting, fixing working outside and handling all those jerks, and if you do work outside you know what I mean. I hope you can be a home wife so the marriage can be a loving one with peace.

    Always talking is good. Find a private place to talk with time to talk. Never teach, just inform if necessary and in a meek manner. Handle the kids and teach them with few words and listen well, pay attention to details. If some parts kids can't be handled then inform the husband.

    Be a good wife and make sure all the cooking and cleaning is done. Stay Fit, Smell Good, Dress well. Make sure to make love when ever either of you want.

    Be meek. Quick to listen, slow to speak. Only tell him things when needed. Never teach him. If you do tell him something make sure it is kindly. Handle the kids, and if you notice you can't for sure then inform him in a kindly way.

    Hugs and kisses are always good any time, instead in front of the guys otherwise the guys might want some too. Make sure to let him know to keep the making love part private.

    On another note: Try your best. Love like you never love before. This is the best way for love to come and start surrounding your life. May love be around you, through you and is you.

    Love and the Good Life will come

    P.S. Email me if you have another further statements

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  • 8 years ago

    First off I'm sorry for the loss of your mother. I know how hard it is to lose someone close to you. As cliche as it is...time does help. It never gets easy, but it gets easier to deal with. In my opinion what they did at the hospital was very rude. :(

    Second it sure sounds like you are in a hard position. I wonder if your husband is supportive of you and your feelings? He's in a tough position as well, but he should stand behind you and stand up for you. He chose to marry you and he chose to leave the church. He needs to make sure that his family understands it was his choice, and his choice only. As far as dealing with them....that's tough. As hard as it is I think you will need to continue (or start) being the bigger person and kill them with kindness. If you snap or sink to their level it will, sadly, reflect poorly on you. As far as coping - talking to a counselor may help. You need to talk to someone that is impartial and will listen and give you advice without being biased. Hopefully you are able to sit down and talk to your husband as well. Through out all this, having your husband to talk to and find comfort in would be really helpful I'd think. Good luck with everything. :)

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